Bad News

[Feuer Frei!]

Well, where do i start? I thought this over a lot, of wether i should post this here.
Reasons are that i believe that the condition of my health is no-one elses' business, and another reason is that none of you have ever met me.
However, after some deliberation i thought that i would post this, in the hope that the male members of SUBSIM can perhaps learn from this and it is vitally important for self-examination.
Now, what is all this about you ask?
Today has been the very worst part of my life, at 09:30 this morning, my time, i had a follow-up consultation at the hospital, after the removal of a Testicular tumour, that it is malignant, ie cancer, and that i will need chemo therapy.
There was a battery of tests done in the lead-up to this, due to the fact that i had been losing weight steadily over the last 10 to 12 mths.
Unfortunately, upon noticing a lump in my testicle, i did not immediately consult my GP.
I played with fire there.
Obviously. I advised the GP about a month ago of this and he immediately ordered an ultra sound of the region.
Result: Tumour, possibly cancerous.
Great. We move on to the ordering of Upper Body x-rays to determine if this has spread.
Result: Most probably not, a slight doubt exists at present in my stomach, however the Doctor has stated this is not to be upset about.
Next, operation to remove tumour and ie the loss of testicle.
Result: Where we are now, the morning after the follow-up.
I have cancer. Has this sunk in? Yes and no.
I'm not sure at what stage i am right now, denial? No, far from it. Acceptance: Yes, although to what level?
The Doctors who gave the me news at the hospital today could not and would not speculate on chemo therapy and it's consequences.
Side effects? Oh, i'm aware of them.
Procedure? In my case it will be via injection, quickest route to the system, right?
The Oncology Dept will inform me of the strength of the treatment, ie a localised one or the full barage/dose.
And over what time period.
I have informed my parents, well, my dad to be precise because my Mother is suffering from Dementia, and that is getting worse by the day. She hardly eats nowadays, i haven't seen my mother in over 2 years and of what my dad tells me of her now, in what state she is in, it breaks me in two.
I have memories of my mother fit and jovial, always humerous and up and about at 7am in the morning, working daily chores and cooking, etc etc.
This is not fair!
Now this.
There are a miriad of thoughts that have entered my mind.
From the most positive: "it'll be fine, it'll be localised treatment, and i will go into remission and i'll see improvements, to:" i will never ever get a chance to go into remission, the chemo has/is failing, we are losing, i am sorry to inform you Mr Feuer Frei! but you have x amount of time left to live".
People are supportive, of course they are.
What are they going to say?
What about my kids?
My 3 beeautiful daughters? Well, 2 of them are too young too understand.
My eldest is 8, she would but, no point in telling her anything until chemo has worked. Or hasn't.
I am chain-smoking, have been for the last 3 weeks. My work has been supportive, have not worked for the last 3 weeks due to the operation and the follow-up.
Now this.
Well, it's a wall of text, i know.
Some deep and dark stuff written here, i am sorry if this depresses anyone, it is not meant to distress or offend or fish for sympathy. Far from it. It is to make the men aware that we need to be aware of things like this, and if in doubt, talk to your GP. Much earlier than what i did.
I will pray to God. For that is all i can do now. I just hope i didn't leave the self-examination too late. Hindsight is a luxury right?

[Sailor Steve]

Oh, man, that is bad. I hope it turns out alright, not just for your sake but for your kids. They need their dad to be with them forever. I can't pray, but I can hope and wish you a full recovery.

[antikristuseke]

Wish you a speedy recovery and courage in your process of kicking the cancers ass.

[Falkirion]

Good luck mate. We await some good news. You deserve to catch a break after all this.

[Reece]

That is just suck news mate, the big "C" is the most dreaded thing next to Dementia, I watched my mother go through that and was very sad indeed.
Hopefully you have a speedy recovery/cure, I will pray for you.
Keep up the chin! Reece.

Bugger.

Good Luck FF

[papa_smurf]

Heres to a full recovery, hope to god I never find a lump down there. Athough I did have a scare last year when I felt lumps under my left arm pit, went straight to my GP and fortunately it was just my lymph nodes were inflamed and went after a few days - still feared the worst and glad it wasn't cancer.

[Torvald Von Mansee]

Good luck!!!

[ReFaN]

i wish you well, and hoping it turns out well.

[Garion]

Keep yer chin up, think positive thoughts and stay strong. Easy to say I know, but it's a must.

My thoughts are with yoo.

Cheers

Garion

[Penguin]

Feuer Frei,
First of all: my respect goes to you for posting this deep and sad story here. You're crazy to apologize for it - GT is somehow like real life, the funniest picture in the world and a saddening story are next to each other.

I am not ashamed to say that I had wet eyes when reading this. I can only underline Magic's words: never give up, don't even think about it.
The human mind and its inner will is amazing, it is just as important as the physical therapy. Even if, what nobody hopes, the docs put the thumb down on you: "Niemals aufgeben!" The new wife of my father once got the diagnosis lung cancer with the prognosis to have only a few months left. She made it 10 more years, because she had an amazing willpower.

Many people, including me, are sloppy regarding visiting the doc, so this is also a reminder to us all. So I'll close with a semi-funny story: I once also noticed a strange structure on one ball, the size of a pea. I was worried and went straight to the doc. She examined my testicle and I was anxious to hear the result. It took too long for me, so I pressed: "Come on, doc, tell me what it is. Is it cancer?"
She replied: "no, it's just a shaving accident. A hair grew in and cartilage grew around it!" Man konnte den Stein der mir vom Herzen fiel, kilometerweit hören!
I was more than glad and my previous nervousness resulted into deep, happy laughter. I felt stupid for panicing and running to the doc who has to treat real illnesses. Well, in hindsight I now say: better one check-up too much.
Good that you finally went to the doc and as it looks now, the diagnosis does not sound hopeless.

So: Alle meine besten Wünsche gehen an dich!
Viel Kraft für die nächsten Monate!
You're a good guy, don't kick the bucket before we met us and had a few pints! We all support you here!

Cheers!

[August]

Good luck man. Hope you beat it.

[CaptainMattJ.]

this is a very wierd thing to ask, but how big was the lump?

I have something similiar, except its a tiny bead (slightly hard) that just floats around in there. I dont think much of it, because it hasnt gotten bigger, and based on my knowledge, cancer needs blood vessels to pump directly into it to feed itself, and since its just floating around i didnt think it was attached to vessels.

[Rockstar]

Feuer Frei! It pains me to no end to have to hear this. I wish there was some magic pill which take it all away but there isn't one, yet. But modern medicine believe it or not is getting close to those things.

My wife had a very rare form of stage 2a uterine cancer, a type that IF a women gets it normally happens around the age of 80, she was 39 then. It was an aggressive cancer with a piss poor survival rate. She passed the five year mark two years ago.

From watching her deal with it. My advice would be to get on with life, don't let this upset your routine. As an example, my wife is a swimmer, loves it, in her younger days she set the Dolphin Club record in the Alcatraz swim she also used to do the Lanai to Maui swim. Anyways, the nurses would get on her about swimming because as they said there are germs in the showers and pool therefore a greater potential for infection. She told them to pack sand, she never stopped doing what loved to to do. The Dr at the time a wonderful man who took care of her very well told her to just keep on doing what you're doing and don't let others stand in the way. He now recommends swimming to all his cancer patients.

During chemo you lose your appetitie YOU MUST EAT whether you want to or not. It's been found so many people fail during this time not because of the cancer but from malnutrition. Trash the candies, donuts and sweets these will not help and only feed the cancer.

EAT HEALTHY!

Stop researching how bad this is and start researching things on how to combat this on your own like vitamin C, foods, exercise, attitude, and yes even prayer to YHWH.

Didn't Lance Armstrong have a form of testicular cancer? It can be beat don't withdraw, don't give up. Approach this with your fangs out and hair on fire!

Finding a support group may help too, encourage one another, you will find it is much easier to speak with people who have gone through or going to go through the same thing you are. Others (though they mean well) you will find out shortly cannot truly understand what you are going through.


REMEMBER **** FANGS OUT! **** HAIR ON FIRE!


.

[Feuer Frei!]

Originally Posted by Magic1111

Hi FF !

Es tut mir so unendlich leid für Dich, wünsche Dir von Herzen das aller, aller Beste ! Und ich bete für Dich !

Jetzt mach bitte genau das, was immer auf Deiner Signatur steht:

"Niemals aufgeben" !!!

Viele Grüße,
Thomas ("Magic")

P.S.: Wie alt bist Du eigentlich ?

Ich bin 39 Jahre alt. Eigentlich recht jung, aber habe gehöhrt das das ganz normal ist in dem Alter.
Niemals aufgeben, tja, da haben Sie recht. Anders werde das nich gehen mit diesem Fall.
Danke für Deine Worte. Jetzt im Moment bin ich shell-shocked. Weiss nicht was ich machen soll.
So viele Gedanken rennen im Kopf herum.
Ich bete zu unserem Herrn, der kann mir bestimmt helfen! Ich brauche Seine Hilfe jetzt.
Ich halte Dich am Laufenden. Danke nochmahls.

Originally Posted by Flaxpants

All the best to you mate, I will watch for news of your progress- lots of support around here.

A friend of mine had the same thing, he's all over it now and is back to his usual life, got a clear bill of health- look forward to you telling us the same.

Thanks m8, did your friend go through chemo? How long for?
3 months is the minimum i have heard, and the fact sheet i linked earlier indicates that too.
Was there any weight loss? With him? The Doctors said that that is one of the side effects. But then i don't know what to believe, because in some people it makes them gain weight. That is due to the steroid tablet/injection.

Originally Posted by Castout

Oh man you are in my thoughts now and will be in my prayer.

Stay strong. Somehow I got the impression that you're a good person.

Stay cheerful with what life throws at you mate. I really do hope all will be okay in the end.

Sorry to hear about your mother condition. Nevertheless do visit her. You can't if she was gone.

Thank you Castout. Thank you for your prayers and kind words.
My mother is gradually getting worse.
The norm is nowadays that she sleeps until midday, she may get up before then and complain about pains and she says she has no hunger for food, so she goes back to bed.
It is a habit with her now. Repeating things often, loss of memory, not remembering what she said previously, or seeking words to describe something.
All signs of early onset of Dementia.
My father is fast coming to the conclusion that outside intervention is needed. He is not sure how to handle the situation anymore. She has lost a lot of weight due to not eating much anymore. Once that happens it is getting difficult.
I spoke to my Mother a week ago, and it was a harrowing experience, to say the least.
I was emotional but did not show signs of it towards her.
Inwardly emotional.
It really touches you when a loved one is slipping down a deep slope like this.

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Heres to a full recovery, hope to god I never find a lump down there. Athough I did have a scare last year when I felt lumps under my left arm pit, went straight to my GP and fortunately it was just my lymph nodes were inflamed and went after a few days - still feared the worst and glad it wasn't cancer.

Good news sir! I'm happy it was a false alarm.
It pays to get things checked out doesn't it?

Originally Posted by Rockstar

Feuer Frei! It pains me to no end to have to hear this. I wish there was some magic pill which take it all away but there isn't one, yet. But modern medicine believe it or not is getting close to those things.

My wife had a very rare form of stage 2a uterine cancer, a type that IF a women gets it normally happens around the age of 80, she was 39 then. It was an aggressive cancer with a piss poor survival rate. She passed the five year mark two years ago.

My God, that is young. But, great news for you and your wife!
Good on her. She's a fighter.

From watching her deal with it. My advice would be to get on with life, don't let this upset your routine. As an example, my wife is a swimmer, loves it, in her younger days she set the Dolphin Club record in the Alcatraz swim she also used to do the Lanai to Maui swim. Anyways, the nurses would get on her about swimming because as they said there are germs in the showers and pool therefore a greater potential for infection. She told them to pack sand, she never stopped doing what loved to to do. The Dr at the time a wonderful man who took care of her very well told her to just keep on doing what you're doing and don't let others stand in the way. He now recommends swimming to all his cancer patients.

During chemo you lose your appetitie YOU MUST EAT whether you want to or not. It's been found so many people fail during this time not because of the cancer but from malnutrition. Trash the candies, donuts and sweets these will not help and only feed the cancer.

EAT HEALTHY!

Stop researching how bad this is and start researching things on how to combat this on your own like vitamin C, foods, exercise, attitude, and yes even prayer to YHWH.

Didn't Lance Armstrong have a form of testicular cancer? It can be beat don't withdraw, don't give up. Approach this with your fangs out and hair on fire!

Finding a support group may help too, encourage one another, you will find it is much easier to speak with people who have gone through or going to go through the same thing you are. Others (though they mean well) you will find out shortly cannot truly understand what you are going through.


REMEMBER **** FANGS OUT! **** HAIR ON FIRE!


.

Yes, all wise words indeed. I have read a bit about the side effects of these powerful drugs and it doesn't sit well with me at this present moment.
One thing i am really mulling over is the possible increase of weight loss which can occur with chemo.
Heck, i am already skinny. I was very defensive in the consultation with the doctors and replied upon hearing that i may lose more weight: "well, at least i can get rid of this f'in beer belly then".
Blank looks upon remarking this.
The other thing is the hair loss.
My self esteem has been shot a fair few months ago now. Losing all this weight i'm sure i look sick too, so i guess the hair loss is the double whammy really for me. Yes i know it grows back but where i am going with this is that the Doc said today: what work do you do"? "Hopsitality management, restaurants mainly"? He said after us ddiscussing, or rather me saying that my work can go stuff themselves because the last thing i want to have to deal with is some clown complaining about a well-done steak, when it's well done. So, he said to me, after me saying that: "you can then step back, being the manager, and delegate"! I looked at him, not sure what he was attempting to do.
I said: "no f'in way, f that, i'm not running around with a bald head, skin and bones and looking like a freak"! He replied: "well you can think of it this way, you can advertise this to other men/people, you know, tell them to check themselves regularly etc etc".
I thought to myself: "yea right, i'm gonna do that, at my work place, whilst i work"! Idiot.
I don't mind educating people in relation to this but. But when i know that i have beaten this. First things first, right?
The whole consultation disappointed me because it was rather impersonal, it was quick and the Doc that read the report hardly made eye contact with me, when he was mumbling med terms, he made more eye contact with the med student in the room, who sat in, than with me.
I felt like calling out to him and saying: "hey listen Pal. When you are discussing a possible curtain closer with me, at least make freakin eye contact with me.
Anyways, i've rambled on too much.


Too all who have replied since my last post with best wishes and messages of hope and strength and prayers, thank you!
You all seem like really nice people. I mean that.
And i will keep you all in the loop.