Well that sucks!

[Freiwillige]

Last night I found out that one thing that nobody wants to find out in a relationship, your partner is unfaithful.

My GF has been with me two and a half years and as far as women go I considered her top notch. She's beautiful, funny, caring and honest (Mostly)
We have lived together our entire relationship. She has never done anything that would make me question her. Last night she went to visit her mother in the hospital, I was invited but being sick I thought it wasn't a good idea. At 10:00pm she text me that she was going to grab a beer with an old High school girl friend she had not seen in a while. I really didn't think anything of it and she said she was going to get one beer and would be home soon. at 12:30 I texted her and asked where she was. She replyed she was still at the bar. I asked her if she wanted me to come join her and she replied that after her beer she was coming home.

By this time I was getting a little suspicious as her behavior was not the norm. Then she text that she was going to stay at her moms place cause she was worried I was contagious. Now that would normally make sense but we have been kissing and cuddling and doing our normal routine all week so the sudden concern set off alarm bells. Normally I could have the Flu and it couldn't keep her away.

So I told her that was fine and then grabbed my truck keys to head over there and find out what was what first hand. As I walked up to her mom's condo I could see her sitting in the living room through the slatted blinds. I stopped and watched for a sec and started to convince myself I was paranoid when some guy walks into view and starts passionately kissing my girl. I was livid as I watched her not only accept his kiss but she then put her arms around his shoulders and went all out. I figured looking for the house key as I figured knocking was out of the question at this point.

I got the top lock undone and went to open the door but the bottom lock was locked! As I was trying to insert the key she opened the door. "Hey babe what are you doing here?" she asked as she tried to play innocent. I brought her outside and tore her a new %^&*(*))) then stormed in the house to find it empty. I haven't had that much adrenaline pumping through me in ages but I kept a level head and asked the guy to come out. She told him that I knew and to come out and out steps this douchbag we met at the bar a few weekends prior. A kid that gave her a ride on his Harley and ended up doing 135Mph with her on the back and me giving chase. After that I told her I didn't want anything to do with the guy and she agreed he was stupid and she should have never ridden on his Harley after we have all been drinking. Apparently not stupid enough!

So out steps this 200 pound kid and I just eyeballed him. He said he should just leave and I agreed in the most violent of terms that that would be a grand idea. He didn't hesitate. My Girlfriend just sat there knowing full well that she was caught in the act. I began to ask her questions. He text and wanted to hang out, I agreed to meet him for a drink, I did not plan this it just happened and finally after hours of talking I got an apology although to be honest it felt a bit hollow.

So now I am in this awkward situation. My heart says I love her, My brain says throw her out. She says she doesn't know what she wants and that she was not really happy.

It sucks, I feel like I am losing not only my partner but my best friend. 2 and a half years and headed for marriage all wasted. She still lives with me although we both agree that that may change real soon, Like today or tomorrow.

It just sucks when life is going so good and wham its a **** sandwich and you have to take a bite.

[Jimbuna]

I'm truly sorry to learn of your bitter experience and appreciate you will soon be engulfed with responses saying you should do this or you should do that.

My advice, if that is what your after would be to take time to think long and hard and come to the decision that is right for you.

I sincerely wish you a positive/successful outcome

[Reece]

That's terrible, sounds like she isn't happy there and even though it may hurt you may have to let her go, otherwise you'll be looking over your shoulders for the rest of your life. Truly sorry, I do know what you are going through!
Hope your future changes for the best soon.

[frau kaleun]

My heart goes out to you, man, I've been there and I know how gutted you must feel.

You'll have to do what you feel is right of course and no one can decide that but you... but my two cents, FWIW - someone who admits they don't know what they want, needs to go figure that out on their own time and in their own space and not use a relationship that they can't or won't commit to as a safety net to avoid doing so.

In my experience people who can't make up their minds about being in a committed relationship will usually continue not making up their minds about it as long as they think they can have it both ways.

Anyway - good luck to you with whatever you decide to do.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[Skybird]

First time is: once.

Second time is: a habit.

If it happened once, give her a second chance, if you feel like it and if your story with her is worth it for you to make an investment and take some risks.

But once it has become a habit, leave.

[ajrimmer42]

dude that does suck. Well, it sounds like you really love her, and it is only once, I dunno, maybe give it a week or so and see how things pan out? Hope it turns out ok in the end

[AVGWarhawk]

Been there man. Move on because any trust that was there is now gone. Not a good way for you to live.

[HunterICX]

That's awfull man,

wish you all the best and hopes for a positive outcome.

HunterICX

[Lord_magerius]

I've been there man and I know nothing any of us say can make a difference to how crappy and messed up you're feeling right now. I can only offer my two cents and that would be to follow your head. If it's the second time it's happened then it will probably happen a third time if you continue. It's best just to end it now, go your separate ways for a little while before you get hurt anymore. But that's just me, you've got to make the decision, whatever you do I'm sure you'll make the choice that's right for you.

[August]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

Been there man. Move on because any trust that was there is now gone. Not a good way for you to live.

Yep, better a clean break now than a messy one later. Besides your REAL true love of your life is out there somewhere. You don't want miss her because you were keeping your present relationship going on life support.

[Happy Times]

I think that adults should be able to control urges.
I personally dont want to be with anyone that weak.

Leave her but say that you can maybe consider taking her back is she can demonstrate more mature type of commitment.

It was that bad boy with a Harley and you being too good to her possibly, she felt you were easy.

Most women are shallow and emotional in my books, when you find one that is intelligent and loyal you should fight for her.

[Chad]

I'm sorry man.

Like so many others I have also had this, but I didn't know about it until she upped and left me.

I'm better off now by far as I have met someone much better.

I used to believe there was only one, 1, uno, person for you in this world. Now I know that love is gained, not given. Don't settle, and do what makes YOU happy.

[Platapus]

I might as well add my worthless advice too.

Don't do anything for a few days. You need to process these emotions, get your mind straight before you can make any decisions.

After everything has cooled off, ask yourself: Could you ever trust this woman again in a relationship. You know her better than any of us.

You were not very clear on what your girlfriend actually did. Was she drunk/tipsy and kissed a guy passionately? Is that enough to break off your relationship? Only you can answer that.

One thing you can do, once everything calms down, is ask your girlfriend to explain what happened. You are not so much interested in the details but in how open your girlfriend is.

If you get the impression she is being open and honest about a stupid mistake, then you can factor that into your decision

If, however, you get the impression that your girlfriend can't/won't be open and honest about this, that is another red flag in the relationship.

You have an important decision to make, and you owe it to yourself to make it with a clear calm mind.

Relationships have survived this sort of stuff
Relationships have been torn apart by this sort of stuff

Only you can find the right answer. Just make it the answer that is right for you.

Good luck with this.

(insert suitable male heterosexual bonding activity here)

[Freiwillige]

Well we are kind of in a holding pattern at this point. She acts one way and says another. I am strong enough to let her go that is definitely not the issue.
She is very open about what happened to lead up to that event. He pursued her aggressively all the while playing the caring nice guy role. Not to say that she is not without fault cause in my book I am dating her not him so she bears 100% of my blame. The trust issue is the hardest part of this because before that night she had more trust than any woman ever and she worked hard to earn that trust. She was never deceitful or sneaky and in fact that what got her caught was her poor deception skills. She should have known that I would have figured it out and quick.

I asked her what if I told you to come home during our text conversation. She said that she would have. I do believe her. She was not intoxicated and had 3 beers over the space of 10:20 P.M. and 12:40 A.M. which he so kindly bought her.

She is very open about the events and didn't even try to deny that Sex was what they were leading into before I came crashing into their party.

But like I said the trust is destroyed. Now I am wondering if she's Really at work tonight? Are they texting each other all night?

I talked to her last night while she was at work and she did admit that she had talked to him. She said he wanted to know what happened after I showed up and he left.

She says that she's unhappy with our economic situation (I am currently unemployed) while she is working. But that's not to say that I do not bring in money and at times I bring in more than her working on cars or doing odd jobs on Craigslist. But I can understand her worry about a steady paycheck vs Lots of money followed by no money.

Anyways I digress. The point is that I do love her but I don't trust her.
I am willing to work things out but it takes two to tango. The balls in her court.

The last issue I have and this could be the ball buster is this guy. I have zero idea what his intent is. Is he done or is the challenge making him want to chase after her harder. I don't know where she is at on him either.
But I will get it resolved quickly because if I feel that she is still being deceitful he can have her.

[Ducimus]

I feel for you OP, i really do. I've been emotionally gutted by women TWICE. Never quite got over the first one, but it made the second one alot easier to let go.

The second one, was a 7 year relationship. Never married her because she had credit (and later drug) issues. (nevermind she also lied, stole, and cheated on me) I walked away knowing full well that i was the better person. Several dates and 8 months later i met someone else, who thinks alot like myself, believes in many things that i do, and at times can practically finish my thought's before i can even put them into words. Pretty sure i'll marry this one. Shes intelligent, good common sense, very practical , with a very loving heart.

You'll find someone else, don't waste your time trying to "make it work". Long term relationships are founded on trust. Once that trust is broken, your living in a house without a foundation that will come tumbling down at the first sign of foul weather.