Mental Hospital Phone Menu

SUBMAN1 · 11-23-07, 10:06 PM

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

"Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital."

Please select from the following options menu:
--If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
--If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
--If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
--If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
--If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
--If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
--If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press,nothing will make you happy anyway.
--If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
--If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
--If you have low self f-esteem, please hang up - our operators are too
busy to talk with you.
--If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
--If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

CB.. · 11-24-07, 01:31 PM

needs another option tho lol

--if you believe yourself to be sane, and or have dialed an incorrect number.. please press 7...leave a message...and we'll get back to you..

SUBMAN1 · 11-24-07, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CB..

needs another option tho lol

--if you believe yourself to be sane, and or have dialed an incorrect number.. please press 7...leave a message...and we'll get back to you..

:rotfl:I agree!

The WosMan · 11-24-07, 04:39 PM

I always thought that the suicide hotline should play Van Halen's "Jump" as the on-hold music.

Jimbuna · 11-24-07, 06:18 PM

CLASSIC!!

Skybird · 11-24-07, 06:26 PM

A stranger at the gate of a mental asylum:

"Excuse me, am i right here?"

The ward:

"When you are right, then you are not right here, but when you are not right, then you are right here."

(Hope that joke works in English as well as it does in German).

11-23-07, 10:06 PM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Mental Hospital Phone Menu MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU "Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital." Please select from the following options menu: --If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. --If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. --If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. --If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. --If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. --If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. --If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,nothing will make you happy anyway. --If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. --If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. --If you have low self f-esteem, please hang up - our operators are too busy to talk with you. --If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. --If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. __________________

11-24-07, 01:31 PM	#2
CB.. Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: UK Posts: 1,278 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	needs another option tho lol --if you believe yourself to be sane, and or have dialed an incorrect number.. please press 7...leave a message...and we'll get back to you.. __________________ the world's tinyiest sh3 supermod- and other SH3/SH2 stuff http://www.ebort2.co.uk/ The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity. W.B.Yeats

11-24-07, 06:18 PM	#5
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,646 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	CLASSIC!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-24-07, 06:26 PM	#6
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,661 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	A stranger at the gate of a mental asylum: "Excuse me, am i right here?" The ward: "When you are right, then you are not right here, but when you are not right, then you are right here." (Hope that joke works in English as well as it does in German). __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

11-24-07, 04:39 PM	#4
The WosMan Watch Officer Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: OH Posts: 332 Downloads: 88 Uploads: 0	I always thought that the suicide hotline should play Van Halen's "Jump" as the on-hold music.