Mental Hospital Phone Menu
 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

"Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital."

Please select from the following options menu:
--If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
--If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
--If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
--If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
--If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
--If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
--If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press,nothing will make you happy anyway.
--If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
--If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
--If you have low self f-esteem, please hang up - our operators are too
busy to talk with you.
--If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
--If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

:D
needs another option tho lol

--if you believe yourself to be sane, and or have dialed an incorrect number.. please press 7...leave a message...and we'll get back to you..:yep: :cool:

:rotfl:I agree! :up:

I always thought that the suicide hotline should play Van Halen's "Jump" as the on-hold music.

CLASSIC!! http://imgcash4.imageshack.us/img220...nariderhz3.gif

A stranger at the gate of a mental asylum:

"Excuse me, am i right here?"

The ward:

"When you are right, then you are not right here, but when you are not right, then you are right here."

(Hope that joke works in English as well as it does in German).

We have a saying here in the UK when something goes wrong in an amusing way because of the actions of an individual or even a group of people......"and the lunatics took over the asylum"

Can you please tell it again in german. I think I did not get it in English :hmm:

That used to be my voicemail intro. I had the text-to-speech engine MS Mike voice read it while I held my phone up to the speaker. No one would leave me messages though because it took too long to get through...

There was a voice one of this on youtube, still funny just reading it.