A lonely ship (Balz)

Brag · 07-20-13, 07:40 AM

"What a perfect approach," Balz said and smiled. "Sometimes I find it hard to believe how good I am at this business of sinking ships. In a minute we will raise the periscope and find out who is this lonely, fast ship racing toward his doom."

Bernard dusted the tea cozy and placed it on Balz's head. "I greatly admire your cozy warmed brain, Herr Kaleun."
"Not only you, but the rest of the crew admires my skill and hoochiewoochie." Balz smiled benignly. at the choir assembled in the control room. "Up periscope."
The scope hummed, Balz slapped the handles open and placed his eye against the eye piece. "This is schwooggie, the sea is calm and our hapless victim is a tanker. We will sink it with the deck gun."
"Oh, no, Not the deck gun," Bernard wailed..
"Well, I am not going to toss the sandwiches you have made for breakfast at it.
"But the tanker will shoot back and sink us."
Balz chuckled and assumed a heroic pose. For your pleasure and the glory of German arms, I will demonstrate my great skills as a naval, maritime, nautical gunmanship master. I just make waterborne artillery sing a delightful song of doom to the enemy."
"Can I yodel while you perform your song of doom? "Bernard asked.
"No, you will hum together with the choir." Balz tapped his tuning fork .The choir hummed
"Surface, man the deck gun."
Air hissed, U123 rose to the surface.

To be continued stay tuned for another exciting epode of the Balz chronicles

Jimbuna · 07-20-13, 07:51 AM

Welcome back to the surface Alex

danasan · 07-20-13, 09:22 AM

Nice one! We do need some birds fornicating the tea cozy while performing the deck gun attack...

desertstriker · 07-20-13, 02:33 PM

what shall bernard do wrong this time i wonder.

Jimbuna · 07-20-13, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertstriker

what shall bernard do wrong this time i wonder.

Simply breathe I should imagine

Rhodes · 07-20-13, 05:37 PM

Can not wait to see/read the next Balz story!

desertstriker · 07-21-13, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Simply breathe I should imagine

you know thats a good point why has nobody pushed him overboard yet

Jimbuna · 07-21-13, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertstriker

you know thats a good point why has nobody pushed him overboard yet

They've yet to enter into shark infested waters

Brag · 07-22-13, 06:48 AM

The sea was flat like the surface of a ping pong table.. With satisfaction, Balz observed the tanker moving from right to left. "Ping the pong," He commanded.
"Huh?" Lt. Werner Schnitzel asked.
"Verbalize your question into words and sentences. so that I can understand your question when not speaking Japanese."
"I have said huh in German, Herr Kaleun. which means what does ping the pong mean in Japanese."
Balz pointed at the tanker. "See that ship agitating the ping pong effect of the sea?"
"Yes, Herr Kaleun."
"Well, be a good lad and sink it."
Like dirty laundry flapping in the wind an enemy shell flew overhead.
"The enemy is engaging us, Herr Kaleun." Bernard said.- Can we submerge so I can say Wasserbomben?"
"Tankers don¿t carry Wasserbomben," Balz said.
Another shell whirred overhea.
Balz sighed. "I guess it is time for me to demonstrate my fantastic ship sinking skill- Bring my chicken tea cozy on deck."
Balz descended from the conning tower and flexed his fingers.
Zeiler Zteve removed the cat tea cozy from Balz's head and replaced it with the pink chicken one.
The choir made chicken noises.
Balz sat at the gunner's station,. Blam. The gun fired. The shell hit directly on the bow gun of the tanker.
Balz stood to receive applause from the crew.

To be continued

Herr-Berbunch · 07-22-13, 08:35 AM

Nothing more, just

VONHARRIS · 07-22-13, 08:45 AM

Now this is markmanship!
One shel - one hit!

Way to go Balz!

Brag · 07-25-13, 08:52 AM

After bowing to his admiring crew Balz pointed at the stricken tanker. "Leutenant Schnitzel, take over the gun and please remove that nautical eyesore from the surface of the sea."
"Removing eyesore as ordered." Schnitzel took over command of the gun. The first round hit on the waterline.
"Very good shooting, lieutenant." Balz smiled with satisfaction and climbed to the conning tower.
Another round hit the tanker.
Bernard climbed through the hatch. "Herr Kaleun. . .
"Shut up, you methodical, miserable, maritime moron."
"Herr Kaleun . . ."
"I told you to keep quiet, you, you moronic rendition of a nautical abortion."
Bernard pointed at the tanker. "Herr Kaleun, you are sinking a neutral.
"Aaaaarrrrrgggghhh."
The binoculars fell from Balz's hands.

Herr-Berbunch · 07-25-13, 09:51 AM

Easy mistake, we've all done it, even the professionals. Like Balz.

Not used to Bernard being so observant though.

Raptor · 07-25-13, 09:54 AM

As someone around here likes to say.....

"SINK 'EM ALL"

frau kaleun · 07-25-13, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

The binoculars fell from Balz's hands.

Who cares about the binoculars? The important question is, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TEA COZY?

07-20-13, 07:40 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	A lonely ship (Balz) "What a perfect approach," Balz said and smiled. "Sometimes I find it hard to believe how good I am at this business of sinking ships. In a minute we will raise the periscope and find out who is this lonely, fast ship racing toward his doom." Bernard dusted the tea cozy and placed it on Balz's head. "I greatly admire your cozy warmed brain, Herr Kaleun." "Not only you, but the rest of the crew admires my skill and hoochiewoochie." Balz smiled benignly. at the choir assembled in the control room. "Up periscope." The scope hummed, Balz slapped the handles open and placed his eye against the eye piece. "This is schwooggie, the sea is calm and our hapless victim is a tanker. We will sink it with the deck gun." "Oh, no, Not the deck gun," Bernard wailed.. "Well, I am not going to toss the sandwiches you have made for breakfast at it. "But the tanker will shoot back and sink us." Balz chuckled and assumed a heroic pose. For your pleasure and the glory of German arms, I will demonstrate my great skills as a naval, maritime, nautical gunmanship master. I just make waterborne artillery sing a delightful song of doom to the enemy." "Can I yodel while you perform your song of doom? "Bernard asked. "No, you will hum together with the choir." Balz tapped his tuning fork .The choir hummed "Surface, man the deck gun." Air hissed, U123 rose to the surface. To be continued stay tuned for another exciting epode of the Balz chronicles __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-20-13, 07:51 AM	#2
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,481 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Welcome back to the surface Alex __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-20-13, 09:22 AM	#3
danasan Elite Spam Hunter Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Flensburg / Germany Posts: 1,141 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	Nice one! We do need some birds fornicating the tea cozy while performing the deck gun attack... __________________ "I invite you to go inside this submergible hole in the water where you can nicely hide from destroyers."

07-20-13, 05:37 PM	#6
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	Can not wait to see/read the next Balz story! __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

07-22-13, 06:48 AM	#9
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	The sea was flat like the surface of a ping pong table.. With satisfaction, Balz observed the tanker moving from right to left. "Ping the pong," He commanded. "Huh?" Lt. Werner Schnitzel asked. "Verbalize your question into words and sentences. so that I can understand your question when not speaking Japanese." "I have said huh in German, Herr Kaleun. which means what does ping the pong mean in Japanese." Balz pointed at the tanker. "See that ship agitating the ping pong effect of the sea?" "Yes, Herr Kaleun." "Well, be a good lad and sink it." Like dirty laundry flapping in the wind an enemy shell flew overhead. "The enemy is engaging us, Herr Kaleun." Bernard said.- Can we submerge so I can say Wasserbomben?" "Tankers don¿t carry Wasserbomben," Balz said. Another shell whirred overhea. Balz sighed. "I guess it is time for me to demonstrate my fantastic ship sinking skill- Bring my chicken tea cozy on deck." Balz descended from the conning tower and flexed his fingers. Zeiler Zteve removed the cat tea cozy from Balz's head and replaced it with the pink chicken one. The choir made chicken noises. Balz sat at the gunner's station,. Blam. The gun fired. The shell hit directly on the bow gun of the tanker. Balz stood to receive applause from the crew. To be continued __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-20-13, 02:33 PM	#4
desertstriker Eternal Patrol Join Date: May 2012 Location: mod soup bar and grill Posts: 1,756 Downloads: 998 Uploads: 0	what shall bernard do wrong this time i wonder.

07-22-13, 08:35 AM	#10
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Nothing more, just __________________

07-22-13, 08:45 AM	#11
VONHARRIS Konteradmiral Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Greece Posts: 1,992 Downloads: 300 Uploads: 0	Now this is markmanship! One shel - one hit! Way to go Balz!

07-25-13, 08:52 AM	#12
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	After bowing to his admiring crew Balz pointed at the stricken tanker. "Leutenant Schnitzel, take over the gun and please remove that nautical eyesore from the surface of the sea." "Removing eyesore as ordered." Schnitzel took over command of the gun. The first round hit on the waterline. "Very good shooting, lieutenant." Balz smiled with satisfaction and climbed to the conning tower. Another round hit the tanker. Bernard climbed through the hatch. "Herr Kaleun. . . "Shut up, you methodical, miserable, maritime moron." "Herr Kaleun . . ." "I told you to keep quiet, you, you moronic rendition of a nautical abortion." Bernard pointed at the tanker. "Herr Kaleun, you are sinking a neutral. "Aaaaarrrrrgggghhh." The binoculars fell from Balz's hands. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-25-13, 09:51 AM	#13
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Easy mistake, we've all done it, even the professionals. Like Balz. Not used to Bernard being so observant though. __________________

07-25-13, 09:54 AM	#14
Raptor Weps Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Pacific NW, USA Posts: 350 Downloads: 54 Uploads: 0	As someone around here likes to say..... "SINK 'EM ALL" __________________ Raptor