3RD Patrol (BALZ)

[Brag]

Note: The whole patrol will be posted on this thread.
(smaller posts, more often)


From Lt- Schmenk's diary:

Bored. waiting for something to happen, we sat in the officers' nook- Balz played on the concertina The Balz Walz Hoochie Woochie. He'd been playing it every day since we left Cork.

"Message received," The Funker came up and handed Balz a flimsy.
Balz read it out loud. "Large convoy 70 miles SE 8 kts heading NW xx Intercept and attack." Finished reading, he said, "Schmenk, plot intercept as close as possible to this guy´s position. Don't give em time for any fiddle-doodle."
I gave the order for full speed ahead for an intercept three hours later. Before arriving, we did a sound check. The convoy had changed course to west. I had to replot. Two hours later revealed another course change by the convoy. Now it was heading south-

"If this comodore knew how annoying he is, he would be writing long letters of apology in the London Times," Balz grumbled.

The next intercept worked. We stayed at PD and waited. Balz raised the scope. "Schmenk, I'm happy to inform you that the convoy has changed course again. But never mind, I have this grosser Frachter by the short hairs anyway. Set range three thousand meters, flood tube one. Bring my bunny tea cozy."
Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"
Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

[Jimbuna]

Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"

LMAO

[raymond6751]

Right !

Off you go then.

[Gerald]

Originally Posted by Brag

Note: The whole patrol will be posted on this thread.
(smaller posts, more often)


From Lt- Schmenk's diary:

Bored. waiting for something to happen, we sat in the officers' nook- Balz played on the concertina The Balz Walz Hoochie Woochie. He'd been playing it every day since we left Cork.

"Message received," The Funker came up and handed Balz a flimsy.
Balz read it out loud. "Large convoy 70 miles SE 8 kts heading NW xx Intercept and attack." Finished reading, he said, "Schmenk, plot intercept as close as possible to this guy´s position. Don't give em time for any fiddle-doodle."
I gave the order for full speed ahead for an intercept three hours later. Before arriving, we did a sound check. The convoy had changed course to west. I had to replot. Two hours later revealed another course change by the convoy. Now it was heading south-

"If this comodore knew how annoying he is, he would be writing long letters of apology in the London Times," Balz grumbled.

The next intercept worked. We stayed at PD and waited. Balz raised the scope. "Schmenk, I'm happy to inform you that the convoy has changed course again. But never mind, I have this grosser Frachter by the short hairs anyway. Set range three thousand meters, flood tube one. Bring my bunny tea cozy."
Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"
Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

If there was alcohol in tea or coffee to drink with pleasure Balz....

[papa_smurf]

Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

Nothing bernards going to like.....

[Jimbuna]

Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

Nothing bernards going to like.....

[Brag]

"Loooos," Balz bellowed. The torpedo launched and ran true. Balz ripped Bernard´s shirt off and wiped his face. "Chief take the boat down to one hundred fifty meters. I´m not wasting more torpedoes on this target. Take Bernard, raise him one meter and hang him with the bananas."

The torpedo hit its target and exploded.

"Another great example of my superior torpedoship," Balz said. "You may all pause for a minute of admiration of your superb commander." He assumed a heroic pose. After the minute was up , he continued. In Wili I was told I we get enough similar tonnage of our previous two patrols, we'll transfer to a type IX boat. The IX has better acoustics for the choir and lots of twirling space on deck." He then turned to me. "Plot another intercept . We need more tonnage from this convoy."

I got busy immediately, not realizing I was plotting my own doom.

[papa_smurf]

Take Bernard, raise him one meter and hang him with the bananas."

He fully deserves it

[Herr-Berbunch]

Originally Posted by Brag

I got busy immediately, not realizing I was plotting my own doom.

C'mon Balz, get a grip man!

[Brag]

From Lt- Schmenk's Diary (continued)-
Balz lowered the scope and shook his head. "Schmenk," he said, "You did it again, very consistently you get us exactly five thousand meters from the edge of a convoy. Close enough for me to watch the English parade. You incompetent piece of pre-cadet. I am a ship sinker not a parade watcher. From now on, I will plot intercepts so that we can cover ourselves with glory."

Once the convoy vanished to the west, Balz ordered, "Surface!"

I came on the bridge and scanned the horizon. Nothing. "All clear, Herr Kaleun."
Balz did not answer. An explosion raised a column of water to port and heaved the boat.
A shell whistled overhead.
"Alaaarm, creash dive, full speed ahead." Balz yelled.

Below it was dark and water poured all over the place. The smell of burned electrical cables and smoke made breathing difficult.
We shook with another explosion.
"Port and starboard diesels damaged, flooding disel compartment.
Flooding aft torpedo room. Forward battery compartment damaged.
Flooding electric engine compartment."
The reports were coming in like a cacophony from hell. Each one revealing the situation more desperate.
"Damage control crews to all damaged compartments. Emergency pumps on. Dive to one hundred meters, not one centimeter below that'" Balz gave orders above the infernal din inside the U-boot.
Flickering emergency lights came on, exposing a stream of water coming from the aft part of the boat.
"Two warships approaching very fast," The soundman announced.
"Thank you very much," Balz said. "It was getting lonely here."
The chief came into the Zentralle. Both diesels jumped off the mounts. "About twenty minutes to control flooding," he reported.
"Thank you. Have the choir members working in the Zentralle and forward crew compartments sing Who´s Afrais of The Big Bad Ship Hoochie Woochie. And someone bring me the duckie tea cozy."

Thinking of the approaching destroyers, I was sure we would die to the sounds of a silly song.

[Herr-Berbunch]

Keep it coming!

[Brag]

One did not need the hydrophone to hear the engines of a destroyer- With all the repair noise we were easy to find. U-45 was at 40 meters when the first depth charges began exploding.

"We've got the green banana," Bernard said. For once he was right.
"Rubbish. It is a poetic moment before we present ourselves for the parade in Valhalla." Balz adjusted his yellow duckie tea cozy.
The destroyer was coming for another pass, its screws accelerating.
"This is my latest inspirational poem." Balz climbed on top of the chart box. "The destroyer on top, dropped charges, plop, plop, plop.
As they descended into the ocean gloom, their plop turned into kaboom. How´s that for heroic poetry?"
His voice was drowned by the crash of explosions and broken glass. The Englanders had us bracketed. Our boat was sinking out of control.
"Seventy meters," the Chief'said in an unusually strained manner.
"We've got the green banana," Bernard repeated.
The noise coming from the engine room was enough to attract every destroyer in the Royal Navy and every depth charge salvo caused more damage. The only relief was the thought that death in a submarine is swift. When the hull is crushed the pressure heats up the atmosphere to two thousand degrees and everyone is incinerated in a fraction of a second.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Brag

When the hull is crushed the pressure heats up the atmosphere to two thousand degrees and everyone is incinerated in a fraction of a second.

Yer prolly gonna wanna put some Bactine on that.

[Brag]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Yer prolly gonna wanna put some Bactine on that.

Good call, Frausie. I´ll check the first aid box.

[papa_smurf]

Sounds like its brown trousers all the way.....