Over The Barrel (BALZ)

[Brag]

In the last episode, we left Balz as a British gunboat ordered him to stop.



“Don’t give me no soyonaras, you flea-ridden malefactor,” the voice from the gunboat boomed. “You are to remain stopped as my boarding party boards you.”

“Whatsammater with you. Do pirates travel with belly dancers?”
“No.”
“Then, why bother us?”
“Because we’re looking for pirates with belly dancers.”
“We have no loot.” Balz turned to the Forty Thieves. “Thieves, show the Englanders our empty loot barrels.”
The forty thieves brought out empty barrels on deck.
“See, no loot.”
“I don’t give a rolling fiddle about your barrels.”
“I’ll show you the biggest carpet you have ever seen.”
“I don’t give a stuff about your carpets.”
Balz scratched his arm pit as he watched the gunboat lower a whale boat. “Hey, you Englanders, watch, the biggest authentic Isfahan afloat outside a palace.” Balz smiled. “Raise the carpet,” he commanded and assumed a defiant heroic pose.


The Nubians pulled on halyards on the main and mizzen masts, raising a huge carpet attached, now blocking the view of the deck.
“Lower that carpet!” the British voice demanded.
“Nyah, nyah, nyah,” Balz answered watching the belly dancers and thieves take up positions. He adjusted his bunny tea cozy and went forward where he dropped a Jacobs ladder. The boarding party came alongside and the first sailor, armed with a Lee Enfield rifle climbed aboard.
“Weelcome, welcome to Bahari Balz’s carpet emporium,” Balz greeted the first arrival. A belly dancer jiggled her coin belt. The sailor stepped forward. With a belaying pin, one of the thieves bonked the sailor on the head. Two thieves stuffed the sailor into a barrel.
The next sailor got a similar treatment,
Once the whole boarding party had been barreled, Balz stepped out from behind the carpet screen. “Hey, Englishman,” he yelled. “Now we will lower the curtain for your greater enjoyment.”
The Nubians lowered the carpet.
“We have added hostages to our act two cast. “ Balz spread his arms as if receiving an ovation. “Want to see my tap-dance?”
“You, release my men immediately or I’ll make a colander out of your vessel.”
“Hostages, they are hostages. In hostage situations, next come my demands.”
“What demands?”
Balz lit a cigar. “You want to hear my first or my third demand first?”
“What’s the difference between the first and third demand?”
The first demand comes before the second and the third is two demands later than the first, if I make my demands in ascending numerical order. If I make my third demand first it will no longer be the third demand because it would come ahead of the second.”
“State your demands, you aquatic slimy scum.”
“I must get comfortable and think what the demands will demand when I begin demanding.” Balz went to the poop deck and stretched on his beach chair.





What will be Balz’s demands? Will he get away with challenging the might of the Royal Navy?


Log in soon for another exciting episode of Balz of Arabia.