Royal Navy Stops BALZ!

Brag · 01-05-10, 03:54 PM

The warm water of the Persian Gulf was mirror calm. Balz sat on deck smoking a cigar. Aladin kept him cool with a large ostrich feather fan.

Three miles away, a dark shape emerged out of the noonday mist. Balz brought his glasses up to his eyes. “It’s a buggering, bothersome, blighting, British bumboat.”
“Bumboat?” Ali Baba asked.
“A gunboat with a B.” Balz explained as he knocked cigar ash over the side. He looked at his watch. How inconvenient, just before lunch.” After a long, mournful sigh, he commanded, “On deck the action stations gong.”
Two Nubians brought out the large gong. The third Nubian called Ali Rank hit the gong with his gong banger.
The reverberating sound brought out the belly dancers, the Forty Thieves and the Seven Peelers of Wisdom, all ready for action.

The British gunboat approached at high speed.

“Dance the Hot Day on the Gulf Hoochie-woochie,” Balz ordered.
“We are in deep trouble,” Ali Baba said.
“We’ve had the green banana,” Aladin added.

“Stop and prepare to be boarded,” an amplified voice boomed from the gunboat’s bridge.
“We can’t stop, In nautical terms this is called we are becalmed.” Balz responded. “You should have ordered us to stay becalmed.”

The gunboat slowed as it closed the dhow.
“What’s your name?” Balz asked.
“We are the Royal Navy.”
“I can see that, you twit. I asked for yourrrr given name so that I can report it to your CO and he will give you a royal bullocking.”
“What for? I am on an official anti pirate patrol.”
Balz pointed to the north. Pirates are that way. We are on a purposely peaceful, placid, pacific cruise.”
The voice answered, “There is nothing placid about those belly dancers.”
“They are hot, straight from Cairo, ready to dance in Persian magic style with Japanese subtitles.”
“I don’t need Japanese subtitles.”
“Then go away—Sayonara!”

The situation is desperate. Will the Royal Navy capture and hang Balz?

Log in soon for another exciting chapter of the Balz saga.

Sailor Steve · 01-05-10, 04:43 PM

The question is, will Balz capture and hang the Royal Navy?

Either way, I'm on tenterhooks, and they hurt! I'm holding my breath, and I may turn blue! You're writing is great, and I'm green with envy! I'm running out of cliches, and I'm red-faced with embarassment!

Rhodes · 01-05-10, 05:42 PM

Nooo, the Royal Navy will never capture the great heroe!

Frank0001 · 01-05-10, 08:51 PM

Those pesky Brits always show up at the most inapropriate times.

Go get 'em Balz!

Jimbuna · 01-06-10, 12:04 PM

Kick em in the Balz

Red Heat · 01-06-10, 12:10 PM

Go...go Balz!

sunvalleyslim · 01-07-10, 12:48 AM

I'm just wondering. Were the 40 Thieves flacid after seeing the placid belly dancers perform............?

Tweety · 01-07-10, 08:17 AM

We are routing for you Balz.
Go get em!

Brag · 01-07-10, 03:56 PM

Frank 0001 and Tweety , welcome to the madness of the Balzahoochie!

Schroeder · 01-08-10, 01:10 PM

Madness? That are all standard procedures of the German Navy!

Brag · 01-09-10, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder

Madness? That are all standard procedures of the German Navy!

Without Balz, Hitler would have never dared starting a war. Who was maddest?

01-05-10, 03:54 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Royal Navy Stops BALZ! The warm water of the Persian Gulf was mirror calm. Balz sat on deck smoking a cigar. Aladin kept him cool with a large ostrich feather fan. Three miles away, a dark shape emerged out of the noonday mist. Balz brought his glasses up to his eyes. “It’s a buggering, bothersome, blighting, British bumboat.” “Bumboat?” Ali Baba asked. “A gunboat with a B.” Balz explained as he knocked cigar ash over the side. He looked at his watch. How inconvenient, just before lunch.” After a long, mournful sigh, he commanded, “On deck the action stations gong.” Two Nubians brought out the large gong. The third Nubian called Ali Rank hit the gong with his gong banger. The reverberating sound brought out the belly dancers, the Forty Thieves and the Seven Peelers of Wisdom, all ready for action. The British gunboat approached at high speed. “Dance the Hot Day on the Gulf Hoochie-woochie,” Balz ordered. “We are in deep trouble,” Ali Baba said. “We’ve had the green banana,” Aladin added. “Stop and prepare to be boarded,” an amplified voice boomed from the gunboat’s bridge. “We can’t stop, In nautical terms this is called we are becalmed.” Balz responded. “You should have ordered us to stay becalmed.” The gunboat slowed as it closed the dhow. “What’s your name?” Balz asked. “We are the Royal Navy.” “I can see that, you twit. I asked for yourrrr given name so that I can report it to your CO and he will give you a royal bullocking.” “What for? I am on an official anti pirate patrol.” Balz pointed to the north. Pirates are that way. We are on a purposely peaceful, placid, pacific cruise.” The voice answered, “There is nothing placid about those belly dancers.” “They are hot, straight from Cairo, ready to dance in Persian magic style with Japanese subtitles.” “I don’t need Japanese subtitles.” “Then go away—Sayonara!” The situation is desperate. Will the Royal Navy capture and hang Balz? Log in soon for another exciting chapter of the Balz saga. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

01-05-10, 04:43 PM	#2
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	The question is, will Balz capture and hang the Royal Navy? Either way, I'm on tenterhooks, and they hurt! I'm holding my breath, and I may turn blue! You're writing is great, and I'm green with envy! I'm running out of cliches, and I'm red-faced with embarassment! __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

01-05-10, 05:42 PM	#3
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	Nooo, the Royal Navy will never capture the great heroe! __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

01-05-10, 08:51 PM	#4
Frank0001 Chief Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 317 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	Those pesky Brits always show up at the most inapropriate times. Go get 'em Balz! __________________ Snipers of the Seas One eel - one Kill

01-06-10, 12:04 PM	#5
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,481 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Kick em in the Balz __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-06-10, 12:10 PM	#6
Red Heat Ace of the Deep Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Portugal Posts: 1,093 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	Go...go Balz! __________________ "There is three kinds of man: the living, the death, and those who are at Sea." Plato

01-07-10, 12:48 AM	#7
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	I'm just wondering. Were the 40 Thieves flacid after seeing the placid belly dancers perform............? __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

01-07-10, 08:17 AM	#8
Tweety Planesman Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 188 Downloads: 157 Uploads: 0	We are routing for you Balz. Go get em!

01-07-10, 03:56 PM	#9
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Frank 0001 and Tweety , welcome to the madness of the Balzahoochie! __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

01-08-10, 01:10 PM	#10
Schroeder Navy Seal Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Banana Republic of Germany Posts: 6,170 Downloads: 62 Uploads: 0	Madness? That are all standard procedures of the German Navy! __________________ Putting Germ back into Germany.