Trouble Off Freetown (Balz)

[Brag]

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:

March 1941

The boisterous seas were agitated like in a storm. That is because there was a storm blowing and it had been blowing for days. Despite the motion of the boat, which bounced about like a boat in a storm, I was calmly writing this journal.

"Neue funkspruch, Herr Kaleun," the radioman reported.
Balz came out of his bunk and read the message. "Freetown convoy coming our way. With this weather we can't see a thing." He snapped his fingers. "Bernaaaard, come here and give me some drama."

Bernard ran around the periscope clutching his head. "What to do, what to do. This is awful, What to do?"
"The great Balz will use his great cunning efficiency to dispatch a ship or two. Thaaat's what I will do. We will position ourselves with exactitude and perfectly to fire at a great ship from three hundred and ten meters. The Englanders shall not pass unharmed past the great Balz. Weather be damned!"

Six hours later in the rapidly fading tropical light, we lay in ambush as a great convoy rumbled all around us. Balz kept rotating the periscope and mumbling something. I stood ready to fire a torpedo in an instant at zero gyro angle.
We went into astern propulsion as a large freighter thundered right in front of us. The minutes passed.
"All engines stop," Balz muttered. He raised his arm while peering into the scope.
I held my breath.
We could hear a large ship approaching.
"Feuer einz!"
I pressed the firing button and the eel wooshed out of its tube.
Balz sat on the chart box, pulled out a clean pair of underpants out of his pocket and stared at them.
"What are you doing, I asked?"
"When I don't have much time to read, I read the labels of my underwear."
The roar of an explosion ripped through the hull.
"Wasserbomben," Bernard said.
"That was a torpedo treffer, you nitwit."
"They both go kaboom, so what's the difference?"
"Our kabooms are more satisfying."
"How come?
"Because they are ours, they kaboom with a majestic German accent.
British kabooms lack poetry."

The rest of the convoy went past without us seeing any targets. Balz plotted a course to overtake the convoy and attack again at dawn. We surfaced and raced ahead. The night was as dark as Churchill's soul, which being British, is not poetic. During a listening dive, we realized the convoy had changed course.

Dawn found us abeam the convoy. We estimated it would take us two more hours to be in attack position. Fog and rain cut the visibility to less than three hundred meters.

A shadow appeared. "Ship zero four five," I yelled. "Alaarm." It was a destroyer.
Expecting to get blown out of the water, we dove for the hatch.

"Hard starboard rudder," Balz yelled while dogging the hatch closed.

We were at thirteen meters when the destroyer went overhead, pinging. A second destroyer arrived on the scene. They had us boxed.

Balz put on his burgundy smoking jacket and walked around with a cigarette holder in his mouth.

A destroyer made a pass overhead, but nothing happened. Balz sat on the chart table and read his underwear.

Another destroyer rumbled by. We were now at seventy meters. It looked like we might survive. I took a deep breath and said. "We were lucky."

"Nothing to do with luck but the great and brilliant foresight of your commander." Balz pointed at the periscope to which he had taped a Don't Disturb sign from the Hotel Kempinsky in Berlin.

Hint: Kingmaker makes an excellent Christmas gift.

[GreyFox]

"Because they are ours, they kaboom with a majestic German accent.
British kabooms lack poetry."

Very good sir, very good.

[Tachyon]

That was nice Brag ...but shorter than usual.

Churchill would turn in his grave if he lived to read your anecdote.

[ppk]

Brilliant!

as dark as Churchill's soul...
:rotfl:

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by Brag

Balz pointed at the periscope to which he had taped a Don't Disturb sign from the Hotel Kempinsky in Berlin.

Must try that on my sub! at least when they have tried depthcharging me, they seem to miss by a large margin! I'm sure 1944 will be a different story!

[Sledgehammer427]

you kidding? churchill was a lighthearted person, and had quite a large liking for the navy...

beautiful work Brag...i suggested to my english teacher that she should read Kingmaker. so there! haha, one down... 499 more to go

[nikbear]

Perhaps Lt. Fritz Gwitz is referring to Churchills infamous 'Black Dog' moods,which is somewhat poetic:hmm::rotfl:

[richardphat]

Man i didnt read yet, but im happy you decided to keep writting your journal.
I'll comment about that after i've finished reading!

[coronas]

Thanks, Brag! I listen "KABOOONS" in a diferent way: Nothing like the sound of German kaboons in the morning!

[Tachyon]

Originally Posted by coronas

Thanks, Brag! I listen "KABOOONS" in a diferent way: Nothing like the sound of German kaboons in the morning!

Fart?

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427

you kidding? churchill was a lighthearted person, and had quite a large liking for the navy...

beautiful work Brag...i suggested to my english teacher that she should read Kingmaker. so there! haha, one down... 499 more to go

Good Job, Sledge.

[Laufen zum Ziel]

Another great adventure from our WWII Hero.


PM sent...

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Laufen zum Ziel

Another great adventure from our WWII Hero.


PM sent...

Laufen, your site looks nice and is very useful. I am sure that especially newcommers will enjoy having the Balz stories in one location.

[coronas]

Originally Posted by Tachyon

Fart?

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Tell to Bernard. He could sinking ships with a new secret sonic (or chemical) weapon.

[mcf1]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

"Because they are ours, they kaboom with a majestic German accent.
British kabooms lack poetry."

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Balz pointed at the periscope to which he had taped a Don't Disturb sign from the Hotel Kempinsky in Berlin

Excellent, Balz just made my day better
Thanks.