Message From Balz.

Brag · 10-03-08, 06:05 AM

Lt Fritz Gwitz writes:
07 November 1940

After being driven off by the escorts, we stalked the convoy. Rough seas and low visibility did not make our job easy. As good German sailors we carried on with our duty persistently persevering in the pursuit of our prey to bring greatness to the Vaterland.

At 0300 hours, we dove to periscope depth for another sound check.

Balz listened to the hydrophone. With disgust written on his face, he returned the headset to its hook. "They changed course again. In French they say Merde alors. But, I being a German gentleman and a war hero will say it in German. "Merde alors."
"That was in French," Bernard said.
"I said it in German."
"But it came out in French."
Balz snapped his tuning fork on Bernard's head. "Prepare your writing utensils. I will dictate a message." Balz placed his bowler hat on his head. "Get the English pencil out. I will dictate in English."
"Not in French?"
"Why should I dictate in French when you are going to write in English?"
"BDU normally reads its messages in German."
"That's because we send them in German."
"Then, why are going to dictate in English?"
"Because I'm not going to send it in French, you moron."
"Aaah, Bernard licked the tip of his pencil and stood poised ready to write.
Balz cleared his throat. "To Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Please notice that this message is written in English. Therefore you will not need a translator to read it. Unless you want to read it in French
"It has come to our attention, that your convoy commodores can not steer a straight course. This makes the convoy's track erratic. With all the corrections I have to make, the plotted course on my chart looks like I have been drunk while conducting the sober business of war against shipping. If you don't correct this in an expedient manner, you can rest assured you will not have my vote on your next election. End of message."
"Are you going to vote in the next British election?" Bernard asked.
"No, I prefer French elections."
"Then why didn't you write the message in French?"
"I didn't write the message. You did. And you wrote it in English, therefore if could not be in French."

Note: On 08 November, the following message arrived at 10 Downing Street.

To Prime Miser Winston Church. Please notice that this message is written in English by an English pencil. Therefgwtz you will need a tractor to read it. Unless you want to bread the French
It gassed come to our attention, that your cowboy commodores can not steer a straight horse. This makes the cowboys tramp erratic. With all the connections I have to make, the potted curse on my chart looks like I have been drunk while conducting the somber business of war against shopping. If you don't connect this in an expedient manner, you can rest assured you will have my vote on your next erection. End of message.

HunterICX · 10-03-08, 06:33 AM

Priceless :rotfl:

good one, Brag

HunterICX

Sailor Steve · 10-03-08, 09:21 AM

And Bletchley Park spent the next three years working on the Germans' "unbreakable" code.

ReallyDedPoet · 10-03-08, 09:25 AM

Good stuff Brag

RDP

kylania · 10-03-08, 09:32 AM

Hilarous! By far one of the best!

:rotfl:

Jimbuna · 10-03-08, 09:35 AM

Priceless

meduza · 10-03-08, 09:36 AM

:rotfl:
Can someone please call paramedics? I think I hurt myself when I fell from my chair laughing.

Good one, Brag!

U-46 Commander · 10-03-08, 09:54 AM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

That was Great!!!! BAlz is absolutely the best! (Along with bernard of course) Even the Great Bernard Von Awful cannot compare!

U-104 · 10-03-08, 10:20 AM

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mr chris · 10-03-08, 10:26 AM

Great Stuff Brag

sunvalleyslim · 10-03-08, 02:10 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Task Force · 10-03-08, 03:14 PM

:rotfl: Yet anouther good one brag.:rotfl:

Rhodes · 10-03-08, 04:43 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Sound like a monty python sketch

coronas · 10-04-08, 03:48 AM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Like a Groucho Marx dialogue: Brilliant! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Kipparikalle · 10-04-08, 07:28 AM

Lol'd

10-03-08, 06:05 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Message From Balz. Lt Fritz Gwitz writes: 07 November 1940 After being driven off by the escorts, we stalked the convoy. Rough seas and low visibility did not make our job easy. As good German sailors we carried on with our duty persistently persevering in the pursuit of our prey to bring greatness to the Vaterland. At 0300 hours, we dove to periscope depth for another sound check. Balz listened to the hydrophone. With disgust written on his face, he returned the headset to its hook. "They changed course again. In French they say Merde alors. But, I being a German gentleman and a war hero will say it in German. "Merde alors." "That was in French," Bernard said. "I said it in German." "But it came out in French." Balz snapped his tuning fork on Bernard's head. "Prepare your writing utensils. I will dictate a message." Balz placed his bowler hat on his head. "Get the English pencil out. I will dictate in English." "Not in French?" "Why should I dictate in French when you are going to write in English?" "BDU normally reads its messages in German." "That's because we send them in German." "Then, why are going to dictate in English?" "Because I'm not going to send it in French, you moron." "Aaah, Bernard licked the tip of his pencil and stood poised ready to write. Balz cleared his throat. "To Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Please notice that this message is written in English. Therefore you will not need a translator to read it. Unless you want to read it in French "It has come to our attention, that your convoy commodores can not steer a straight course. This makes the convoy's track erratic. With all the corrections I have to make, the plotted course on my chart looks like I have been drunk while conducting the sober business of war against shipping. If you don't correct this in an expedient manner, you can rest assured you will not have my vote on your next election. End of message." "Are you going to vote in the next British election?" Bernard asked. "No, I prefer French elections." "Then why didn't you write the message in French?" "I didn't write the message. You did. And you wrote it in English, therefore if could not be in French." Note: On 08 November, the following message arrived at 10 Downing Street. To Prime Miser Winston Church. Please notice that this message is written in English by an English pencil. Therefgwtz you will need a tractor to read it. Unless you want to bread the French It gassed come to our attention, that your cowboy commodores can not steer a straight horse. This makes the cowboys tramp erratic. With all the connections I have to make, the potted curse on my chart looks like I have been drunk while conducting the somber business of war against shopping. If you don't connect this in an expedient manner, you can rest assured you will have my vote on your next erection. End of message. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

10-03-08, 06:33 AM	#2
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	Priceless :rotfl: good one, Brag HunterICX __________________

10-03-08, 09:21 AM	#3
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	And Bletchley Park spent the next three years working on the Germans' "unbreakable" code. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

10-03-08, 09:25 AM	#4
ReallyDedPoet Canadian Wolf Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada. The one and only, East Coast Posts: 10,886 Downloads: 946 Uploads: 5	Good stuff Brag RDP __________________ Back in the Day

10-03-08, 09:32 AM	#5
kylania Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,528 Downloads: 118 Uploads: 0	Hilarous! By far one of the best! :rotfl: __________________

10-03-08, 09:35 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,525 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Priceless __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-03-08, 09:36 AM	#7
meduza Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: on patrol Posts: 1,035 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: Can someone please call paramedics? I think I hurt myself when I fell from my chair laughing. Good one, Brag! __________________

10-03-08, 09:54 AM	#8
U-46 Commander Lieutenant Join Date: May 2008 Location: The absolutely most exciting state!! Iowa! Posts: 251 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: That was Great!!!! BAlz is absolutely the best! (Along with bernard of course) Even the Great Bernard Von Awful cannot compare! __________________ "Loved By Few, Hated By Many, Respected By All."-The U-boats.

10-03-08, 10:20 AM	#9
U-104 Grey Wolf Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: United States Posts: 797 Downloads: 187 Uploads: 0	:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: __________________ My heart is steadfast, O God. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Ps. 108:1 Survival of the fittest does not explain arrival of the fittest. we live in a single spoken sentence.. "God said, let there be"

10-03-08, 10:26 AM	#10
mr chris Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Herefordshire, England Posts: 3,562 Downloads: 216 Uploads: 0	Great Stuff Brag __________________

10-03-08, 02:10 PM	#11
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

10-03-08, 03:14 PM	#12
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: Yet anouther good one brag.:rotfl: __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

10-03-08, 04:43 PM	#13
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Sound like a monty python sketch __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

10-04-08, 03:48 AM	#14
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Like a Groucho Marx dialogue: Brilliant! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________

10-04-08, 07:28 AM	#15
Kipparikalle Samurai Navy Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Finland Posts: 580 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Lol'd