A tale of Woe (Balz)

Brag · 07-05-08, 11:45 AM

Willhrlmshaven 04 March 1940

Dear Admiral,

With all due respect to rank and the great institution of the Kriegsmarine, please tell that knucklehead commander of the Admiral Hipper to follow the rules of the road to avoid collisions. Even though I had Bernard playing the ding dong bells, the Hipper almost ran us over.

My other grievance is that the band did not play the Messiah, but the same old Kadeten Marsch, when I approached the dock.

My following grievance, which follows the preceeding grievance, is that despite my jolly good tonnage of over 60k BRT, I did not get the oak leaves to my Ritterkreuz. Actually your office been damn cheap about issuing Iron Crosses to my crew. This has them very upset.

When I strut up and down the railway station parading my medals, people will say, "There goes Balz, the hero of the Kriegsmarine without oak leaves." I find this very distressing.

The next grievance, which follows the preceeding grievance and the grievances preceeding the preceeding grievance is that I did not get my promised IX sumbie.
Just because I was 200 renown's short from getting a decent hydrophone.

My mother says she hopes you like Schwarzwalderkirshtorte, because she will bake you a cake and mail it to you from Bavaria.

Now that I have written my preceeding grievances, which are ahead of these lines which are succeeding the preceeding, I'm off to a hoochie woochie party. All Kaleuns are invited.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz
Hero of the Kriegsmarine.

Sailor Steve · 07-05-08, 01:03 PM

The "Messiah" is a very long piece. What was Balz really expecting, the "Hallelujah Chorus?" Or maybe "For Unto Us A Child Is Born...?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz
Hero of the Kriegsmarine

Now that I have written my preceeding grievances, which are ahead of these lines which are succeeding the preceeding...

I see Herr Balz is getting ahead of himself again.

von hally · 07-05-08, 06:57 PM

As of now..the kreigsmarine will have a new anthem.

The MESSIAH DER HOOCHIE WOOCHIE!!!!

its to be sung in the tune of Deutchland Uber Alles with any words that spring to mind!!!!

Its in honour of our great friend and magnificent commander Brag!!!

anyone found disobeying the new anthem will be shot!!!

i'm serous

have you checked out mr Brag "AKA" James *********g Bond's credentials????

im singing till me lungs burst!!!

UnderseaLcpl · 07-05-08, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

a)When I strut up and down the railway station parading my medals, people will say, "There goes Balz, the hero of the Kriegsmarine without oak leaves." I find this very distressing.

b)Now that I have written my preceeding grievances, which are ahead of these lines which are succeeding the preceeding, I'm off to a hoochie woochie party. All Kaleuns are invited.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz
Hero of the Kriegsmarine.

a) I overheard someone saying just that in the cafe the other day. Frankly, I was irate.
b) I will be attending. What shall I bring besides tributes to your magnificence?

UnderseaLcpl · 07-05-08, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

a)When I strut up and down the railway station parading my medals, people will say, "There goes Balz, the hero of the Kriegsmarine without oak leaves." I find this very distressing.

b)Now that I have written my preceeding grievances, which are ahead of these lines which are succeeding the preceeding, I'm off to a hoochie woochie party. All Kaleuns are invited.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz
Hero of the Kriegsmarine.

a) I overheard someone saying just that in the cafe the other day. Frankly, I was irate.
b) I will be attending. What shall I bring besides tributes to your magnificence?

edit: Oh double post! Very sorry!

U-46 Commander · 07-05-08, 09:01 PM

Will come to the party, by the way, the commander of the Admiral hipper wants to see you, O great commander. He says he was about to run you over because Bernard was playing the ding-dong bells (which is quite annoying by the way-give hime lessons for crying out loud!) and to show you his newest addition to HIS Ritterkreuz-the oak leaves....

when he comes, we will take it from him and bestow it upon you. Fitting for the hero of Deustchland, isn't it?

UnderseaLcpl · 07-06-08, 08:12 AM

I humbly submit that a new decoration, the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oakleaves, Swords, Diamonds, and Cupcakes should be created and awarded to Herr Balz immediately.

Laufen zum Ziel · 07-06-08, 09:37 AM

Admiral Replies,

Baltz is in port. Time to put on my waders again.

07-05-08, 11:45 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	A tale of Woe (Balz) Willhrlmshaven 04 March 1940 Dear Admiral, With all due respect to rank and the great institution of the Kriegsmarine, please tell that knucklehead commander of the Admiral Hipper to follow the rules of the road to avoid collisions. Even though I had Bernard playing the ding dong bells, the Hipper almost ran us over. My other grievance is that the band did not play the Messiah, but the same old Kadeten Marsch, when I approached the dock. My following grievance, which follows the preceeding grievance, is that despite my jolly good tonnage of over 60k BRT, I did not get the oak leaves to my Ritterkreuz. Actually your office been damn cheap about issuing Iron Crosses to my crew. This has them very upset. When I strut up and down the railway station parading my medals, people will say, "There goes Balz, the hero of the Kriegsmarine without oak leaves." I find this very distressing. The next grievance, which follows the preceeding grievance and the grievances preceeding the preceeding grievance is that I did not get my promised IX sumbie. Just because I was 200 renown's short from getting a decent hydrophone. My mother says she hopes you like Schwarzwalderkirshtorte, because she will bake you a cake and mail it to you from Bavaria. Now that I have written my preceeding grievances, which are ahead of these lines which are succeeding the preceeding, I'm off to a hoochie woochie party. All Kaleuns are invited. Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz Hero of the Kriegsmarine. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/ Last edited by Brag; 07-05-08 at 02:12 PM.

07-05-08, 06:57 PM	#3
von hally Commodore Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Scotland Posts: 634 Downloads: 64 Uploads: 0	As of now..the kreigsmarine will have a new anthem. The MESSIAH DER HOOCHIE WOOCHIE!!!! its to be sung in the tune of Deutchland Uber Alles with any words that spring to mind!!!! Its in honour of our great friend and magnificent commander Brag!!! anyone found disobeying the new anthem will be shot!!! i'm serous have you checked out mr Brag "AKA" James ********g Bond's credentials???? im singing till me lungs burst!!! __________________ May God Have Mercy Upon My Enemies ..... Because I Wont.*

07-05-08, 09:01 PM	#6
U-46 Commander Lieutenant Join Date: May 2008 Location: The absolutely most exciting state!! Iowa! Posts: 251 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 0	Will come to the party, by the way, the commander of the Admiral hipper wants to see you, O great commander. He says he was about to run you over because Bernard was playing the ding-dong bells (which is quite annoying by the way-give hime lessons for crying out loud!) and to show you his newest addition to HIS Ritterkreuz-the oak leaves.... when he comes, we will take it from him and bestow it upon you. Fitting for the hero of Deustchland, isn't it? __________________ "Loved By Few, Hated By Many, Respected By All."-The U-boats.

07-06-08, 08:12 AM	#7
UnderseaLcpl Silent Hunter Join Date: May 2008 Location: Storming the beaches! Posts: 4,254 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I humbly submit that a new decoration, the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oakleaves, Swords, Diamonds, and Cupcakes should be created and awarded to Herr Balz immediately. __________________ I stole this sig from Task Force

07-06-08, 09:37 AM	#8
Laufen zum Ziel Eternal Patrol Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Hiding on the bottom Posts: 1,783 Downloads: 853 Uploads: 457	Admiral Replies, Baltz is in port. Time to put on my waders again. __________________ RIP Laufen zum Ziel