Comparative Hoochie Woochie: Staring Balz & Bernard

Brag · 01-19-08, 10:43 AM

14 June 1940

Lt. Kalb writes:

Prior to the dramatic events that almost sunk U-52 we were in Tanker Alley. With two torpedoes left for the stern tube, atrocious weather on the surface we sat at twenty meters. After dinner, the officers played canasta and Balz embroidered I am the greatest on his tea cozy. Most of the crew slept.

"Sound contact," the HO reported.
Balz grumbled. "The only time we hear a ship is when we can't see a thing." After listening for a few minutes, he announced, "It's a large ship and a smaller one."
"Not a small ship with a larger one?" Bernard asked.
"It's a large one with a smaller one, heading straight for us."
"How do you know it's a large one with a smaller one? It could be a smaller with a larger."
It's a large one with a smaller. Case closed! Sehrohr tiefe, give me turns for three knots new heading 060. Maneuvering stations.
We abandoned the canasta game.
We could hear the thumping of a freighter but Balz said , "I can't see hoochie woochie. Nothing!"
Now, we could hear another ship.
"The smaller ship is smaller than the large one," Bernard said.
"Mache deine Klappe zu," Balz growled--autauchen! Speed 12 knots.
Topside it was darker than Stalin's soul, we couldn't see a thing.
After a few minutes, we could hear a ship just ahead. The noise of machinery grew louder.
The shriek of metal scratching metal filled the night.
"Ship sighted," a lookout announced.
"Really?" Balz asked.
My arms were too short to touch the small tanker.
"This is the smaller than the larger ship," Balz said."
Bernard said. "The larger than the smaller must be the other one."
A voice boomed from the tanker's bridge, "Stand off, you're scratching my paint."
Balz grumbled under his breath, "We're going after the larger than the smaller one." He then yelled back, "Which way to Liverpool? We can't see a thing."
"Just keep going straight, then take a right. And quit scratching my paint."
Metal shrieked as we moved ahead of the small tanker. Balz said, now, we're perfectly lined up to catch up the larger than the smaller ship."
Bernard asked, "Are we not going to sink the smaller than the larger one?"
"I'm going to kill you, you idiot."
Ten minutes later, we heard machinery ahead.
"That's the larger than the smaller ship," Bernard said.
This time, Balz ordered a 20 degree course change. "We don't want to sink a ship with scratched paint. Flank speed."
Two minutes later, I fired a magnetic eel 300 meters from the medium tanker. It exploded near the stern. We slowed as the tanker was loosing speed.
"Here comes the smaller than the larger ship, which is faster than the slower now. Bernard said."
"Your perspicacity is simply amazing, Bernard," Balz said.
By this time the stern tube was reloaded and we let go our last eel.
The small tanker lit a searchlight.
Bernard said, "That's the smaller than the larger which is now faster than the slower."
I like depth charge attacks, Bernard limits his speech to 'Wasserbomben', during these events.

Einzelganger · 01-19-08, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

After dinner, the officers played canasta and Balz embroidered I am the greatest on his tea cozy.

:rotfl: :rotfl:

I have the feeling this is the start of a horrible partnership. Seriously though, this is getting classic.

_Seth_ · 01-19-08, 12:17 PM

Partnership....? More like "Alien Vs. Predator".... Balz & Bernard....

papa_smurf · 01-19-08, 02:04 PM

This can only end in dissapiontment...........

Brag · 01-19-08, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papa_smurf

This can only end in dissapiontment...........

???????

Sailor Steve · 01-19-08, 03:18 PM

I hate to ever side with Bernard, but, you know, he's right: the smaller one really is smaller than the larger one.

BulSoldier · 01-19-08, 03:23 PM

Good he enlightened us though.You know, man with a tea cozy in a submarine doesnt look very adequate(spl?) in uboot warfare.

Blacklight · 01-19-08, 09:29 PM

:rotfl: !!!!!!!
This NEEDS to be a MOVIE !!!!!:rotfl:

papa_smurf · 01-20-08, 10:23 AM

Quote:

:rotfl: !!!!!!!
This NEEDS to be a MOVIE !!!!!:rotfl:

The title could be:

Bernard & Balz: The Movie - A disasater at sea:rotfl: :rotfl:

01-19-08, 10:43 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Comparative Hoochie Woochie: Staring Balz & Bernard 14 June 1940 Lt. Kalb writes: Prior to the dramatic events that almost sunk U-52 we were in Tanker Alley. With two torpedoes left for the stern tube, atrocious weather on the surface we sat at twenty meters. After dinner, the officers played canasta and Balz embroidered I am the greatest on his tea cozy. Most of the crew slept. "Sound contact," the HO reported. Balz grumbled. "The only time we hear a ship is when we can't see a thing." After listening for a few minutes, he announced, "It's a large ship and a smaller one." "Not a small ship with a larger one?" Bernard asked. "It's a large one with a smaller one, heading straight for us." "How do you know it's a large one with a smaller one? It could be a smaller with a larger." It's a large one with a smaller. Case closed! Sehrohr tiefe, give me turns for three knots new heading 060. Maneuvering stations. We abandoned the canasta game. We could hear the thumping of a freighter but Balz said , "I can't see hoochie woochie. Nothing!" Now, we could hear another ship. "The smaller ship is smaller than the large one," Bernard said. "Mache deine Klappe zu," Balz growled--autauchen! Speed 12 knots. Topside it was darker than Stalin's soul, we couldn't see a thing. After a few minutes, we could hear a ship just ahead. The noise of machinery grew louder. The shriek of metal scratching metal filled the night. "Ship sighted," a lookout announced. "Really?" Balz asked. My arms were too short to touch the small tanker. "This is the smaller than the larger ship," Balz said." Bernard said. "The larger than the smaller must be the other one." A voice boomed from the tanker's bridge, "Stand off, you're scratching my paint." Balz grumbled under his breath, "We're going after the larger than the smaller one." He then yelled back, "Which way to Liverpool? We can't see a thing." "Just keep going straight, then take a right. And quit scratching my paint." Metal shrieked as we moved ahead of the small tanker. Balz said, now, we're perfectly lined up to catch up the larger than the smaller ship." Bernard asked, "Are we not going to sink the smaller than the larger one?" "I'm going to kill you, you idiot." Ten minutes later, we heard machinery ahead. "That's the larger than the smaller ship," Bernard said. This time, Balz ordered a 20 degree course change. "We don't want to sink a ship with scratched paint. Flank speed." Two minutes later, I fired a magnetic eel 300 meters from the medium tanker. It exploded near the stern. We slowed as the tanker was loosing speed. "Here comes the smaller than the larger ship, which is faster than the slower now. Bernard said." "Your perspicacity is simply amazing, Bernard," Balz said. By this time the stern tube was reloaded and we let go our last eel. The small tanker lit a searchlight. Bernard said, "That's the smaller than the larger which is now faster than the slower." I like depth charge attacks, Bernard limits his speech to 'Wasserbomben', during these events. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

01-19-08, 12:17 PM	#3
_Seth_ Ocean Warrior Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: In Tromsoe, @Tirpitz' final resting place.. Posts: 3,277 Downloads: 94 Uploads: 0	Partnership....? More like "Alien Vs. Predator".... Balz & Bernard.... __________________

01-19-08, 02:04 PM	#4
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	This can only end in dissapiontment........... __________________

01-19-08, 03:18 PM	#6
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	I hate to ever side with Bernard, but, you know, he's right: the smaller one really is smaller than the larger one. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

01-19-08, 03:23 PM	#7
BulSoldier Samurai Navy Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Burgas/Bulgaria Posts: 550 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 0	Good he enlightened us though.You know, man with a tea cozy in a submarine doesnt look very adequate(spl?) in uboot warfare. __________________ By the hour !

01-19-08, 09:29 PM	#8
Blacklight Ocean Warrior Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Connecticut Posts: 2,507 Downloads: 145 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: !!!!!!! This NEEDS to be a MOVIE !!!!!:rotfl: __________________ Be my friend or be a mushroom cloud. "I am coming at you. You will explode in a couple of minutes !"