Is The Balz Magic over?

Brag · 11-30-07, 10:54 AM

Lt.z.S. Otto Kalb writes:

U-502
06 January 1942
400 Kms. South of Canaries

We should be in warm seas and bright sunshine. Instead, we have typical North Atlantic weather, wind, rain fog. We do a periodic dive and get a sound contact. In a nearly flawless intercept Capt. Balz announces it's a large American cargo, but we're too close to fire.

We surface behind the merchant and fire a magnetic from 300 meters. "Good shot," Balz tells me as the torpedo rips the American's innards and bring it to a halt.

We stop our engines and wait for the target to sink. I suggest firing another torpedo.

"Man, you're crazy." Balz unfolds his umbrella and lights a cigar.

We wait, it gets dark, we loose sight of the Yank. Back to PD. We hear the ship and wait for it to sink. By morning, Balz says. I guess this blighter won't sink without a magic Balz shot."

He places a torpedo near the bow. 2 hours later, with bow awash, the American still floats. Fuming, Balz fires another eel, it explodes on the side of hold number two. 2 hours later, the bastard is still afloat.

It took six torpedoes and 26 hours to sink the ship. Thoroughly depressed, Balz retired to his bunk, mumbling, "Kein hoochie woochie, kein hoochie, woochie."

The following day, for breakfast, Balz appeared wearing his silk pajamas and a crimson sash wrapped around his bath robe and a cutlass stuck into the sash.

"What's that for?" I asked.

"I'm the incarnation of Sandokan, the famous Malay pirate and greatest seaman in the history of anti-imperialism." He pulled the cutlass out and waved it, almost loping Bernard's ear off. "Wait and see what happens when we see another enemy ship. Give my regards to Broadway, you Allied bastards. Hoochie woochie boom boom."

papa_smurf · 11-30-07, 11:04 AM

I seriously hope not, otherwise how would we win the war?

Morts · 11-30-07, 11:36 AM

just die balz

headcase · 11-30-07, 11:50 AM

It may not be his end, but I think he is about to become friends with the men in white coats. Nice guys.

danurve · 11-30-07, 11:54 AM

Sometimes it's like when youn think about an old girlfriend.

Perhaps she isn't bad enough to warrent a mercy killing, but you just want her to shut the hell up or just go away.

Jimbuna · 11-30-07, 11:54 AM

I certainly hope so

U49 · 11-30-07, 12:48 PM

6 Torpedos

!!!
We could wipe out a whole embarked division with 6 torpedos

We could sink a whole air wing transported on ship

We could stop Vickers factory from production for a whole month

We could stop any vehicle in London for a whole month

And we could dry out Mr Churchill's supply of cigars

What do you think you are doing with our precious torpedos?

Next time you better board the enemy and sink it by placing satchel charges at critical spots...
:hmm: and remember to leave Bernhard somewhere onboard that enemy vessel

Jonathan · 11-30-07, 01:24 PM

Did you try laying into her with 3000 20m anti-aircraft shells? That has to be less expensive than 6 torpedoes.

STEED · 11-30-07, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

Hoochie woochie boom boom.

:hmm:

Hakahura · 11-30-07, 03:39 PM

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Balz knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of pervert science and Hoochie Woochie. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if Neal Stevens and his Website Subsim last for a thousand years, men will say, "They're a wierd bunch those subsimmers"

Kaleu. Jochen Mohr · 12-02-07, 12:08 AM

no more fancy dinners, no more free drinks, no more meetings with the Fuhrer, you lost position as hitler's successor, your no longer welcome in the Fuhrer's house, your Hoochie Woochie concerts have been canceled, etc etc etc

when the war is won the Fuhrer may look over it again, till then your a regular captain like us

:rotfl::rotfl:

Stealth Hunter · 12-02-07, 12:42 AM

I sense a chance to assassinate Herr Balz using Herr Englehart as the assassin...

You heard nothing...

GOT IT?

Kaleu. Jochen Mohr · 12-02-07, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stealth Hunter

I sense a chance to assassinate Herr Balz using Herr Englehart as the assassin...

You heard nothing...

GOT IT?

right, assasinate Englehart with balz.. ok i got it
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Stealth Hunter · 12-02-07, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaleu. Jochen Mohr

right, assasinate Englehart with balz.. ok i got it
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Uh... moving on....

How's Balz doing?

11-30-07, 10:54 AM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Is The Balz Magic over? Lt.z.S. Otto Kalb writes: U-502 06 January 1942 400 Kms. South of Canaries We should be in warm seas and bright sunshine. Instead, we have typical North Atlantic weather, wind, rain fog. We do a periodic dive and get a sound contact. In a nearly flawless intercept Capt. Balz announces it's a large American cargo, but we're too close to fire. We surface behind the merchant and fire a magnetic from 300 meters. "Good shot," Balz tells me as the torpedo rips the American's innards and bring it to a halt. We stop our engines and wait for the target to sink. I suggest firing another torpedo. "Man, you're crazy." Balz unfolds his umbrella and lights a cigar. We wait, it gets dark, we loose sight of the Yank. Back to PD. We hear the ship and wait for it to sink. By morning, Balz says. I guess this blighter won't sink without a magic Balz shot." He places a torpedo near the bow. 2 hours later, with bow awash, the American still floats. Fuming, Balz fires another eel, it explodes on the side of hold number two. 2 hours later, the bastard is still afloat. It took six torpedoes and 26 hours to sink the ship. Thoroughly depressed, Balz retired to his bunk, mumbling, "Kein hoochie woochie, kein hoochie, woochie." The following day, for breakfast, Balz appeared wearing his silk pajamas and a crimson sash wrapped around his bath robe and a cutlass stuck into the sash. "What's that for?" I asked. "I'm the incarnation of Sandokan, the famous Malay pirate and greatest seaman in the history of anti-imperialism." He pulled the cutlass out and waved it, almost loping Bernard's ear off. "Wait and see what happens when we see another enemy ship. Give my regards to Broadway, you Allied bastards. Hoochie woochie boom boom." __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

11-30-07, 11:04 AM	#2
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	I seriously hope not, otherwise how would we win the war? __________________

11-30-07, 11:50 AM	#4
headcase Sparky Join Date: May 2007 Location: The wrong side of the tracks, Neverland Posts: 157 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	It may not be his end, but I think he is about to become friends with the men in white coats. Nice guys. __________________ It's like the Blues. You can't play em if you haven't lived em. GWX 3.0 DID

11-30-07, 11:54 AM	#5
danurve The Old Man Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 1,481 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 3	Sometimes it's like when youn think about an old girlfriend. Perhaps she isn't bad enough to warrent a mercy killing, but you just want her to shut the hell up or just go away. __________________

11-30-07, 11:54 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I certainly hope so __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-30-07, 11:36 AM	#3
Morts Admiral Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Denmark Posts: 2,395 Downloads: 23 Uploads: 0	just die balz

11-30-07, 12:48 PM	#7
U49 Grey Wolf Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: D/Niedersachsen Posts: 777 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	6 Torpedos 6 Torpedos !!! We could wipe out a whole embarked division with 6 torpedos We could sink a whole air wing transported on ship We could stop Vickers factory from production for a whole month We could stop any vehicle in London for a whole month And we could dry out Mr Churchill's supply of cigars What do you think you are doing with our precious torpedos? Next time you better board the enemy and sink it by placing satchel charges at critical spots... :hmm: and remember to leave Bernhard somewhere onboard that enemy vessel __________________ SH3 battle capability upgrades: GWX2.0, JSGME2.0, SH3Commander 2.7, SH3Gen 0.8.2, TorpDamageMod 2.0, OLC GUI 1.1.5 Awaiting combat readiness for GWX2.0: SH4 effetcs for SH3, SH3Weather 1.5 Following development of: www.subwolves.com Realism: 90%

11-30-07, 01:24 PM	#8
Jonathan 中国水兵 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Edmond, OK Posts: 285 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Did you try laying into her with 3000 20m anti-aircraft shells? That has to be less expensive than 6 torpedoes. __________________ SHIII Game Manual, In-Game Map, and Quick Reference Chart Can Be Downloaded From This Link: http://hosted.filefront.com/jnazari

11-30-07, 03:39 PM	#10
Hakahura Grey Wolf Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland Posts: 785 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. Balz knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of pervert science and Hoochie Woochie. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if Neal Stevens and his Website Subsim last for a thousand years, men will say, "They're a wierd bunch those subsimmers" __________________ Sir Humphey Appleby, GCB, KBE, MVO and MA. Britain's Greatest Orator, well bar that Churchill fellow. Last edited by Hakahura; 12-01-07 at 12:58 PM.

12-02-07, 12:08 AM	#11
Kaleu. Jochen Mohr Ocean Warrior Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: in my sub Posts: 2,741 Downloads: 47 Uploads: 0	no more fancy dinners, no more free drinks, no more meetings with the Fuhrer, you lost position as hitler's successor, your no longer welcome in the Fuhrer's house, your Hoochie Woochie concerts have been canceled, etc etc etc when the war is won the Fuhrer may look over it again, till then your a regular captain like us :rotfl::rotfl: __________________ Gruß

12-02-07, 12:42 AM	#12
Stealth Hunter Silent Hunter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Y'ha-Nthlei Posts: 4,262 Downloads: 19 Uploads: 0	I sense a chance to assassinate Herr Balz using Herr Englehart as the assassin... You heard nothing... GOT IT?