GWX2.1 Balz and Peace

[Brag]

15 August 1939

"Balz?" Admiral Doenitz leaned back on his chair and lit a cigar. After a few puffs he smiled at the 2nd Flotilla commander. "This is what you'll do. Give him command of U-45 and let him take his choir and those crazy twirlers."

"Herr Admiral, my flotilla will become the laughing stock of the Kriegsmarine."
"Ach, you want him working at your headquarters?"
"No, Herr Admiral. I recommended we send him as naval attache to Bolivia. He can do little damage there."
"We can't send him and his twirlers. "
Howling and booing outside the headquarters building drew the two officers' attention. Doenitz groaned and went to the window. On the street, Balz and his twirling sweepers raised a cloud of dust while singing a hoochie woochie song. Dock workers and sailors ran for cover.
"U-45 for him." Doenitz said with finality. "Send him on a goodwill cruise to France and England. That will convince the French and Brits that we're harmless."


J.S. Balz writes:

Liebe Mutti,
I did such a great job of cleaning Wilhemshaven that I am now a captain of a nice little sumbie and on a singing and dancing tour. We had a nice passage to Dunkirk but arrived on a cloudy morning. Had a couple of glasses of absynthe aboard a French destroyer and my choir did a gig at the Hotel Royale.

During the night we sailed for England. Just before dawn, we saw the jolly lights of Dover.

We rafted up to the heavy cruiser Southampton. I was the guest of honor at the Brit officers mess and had a great opportunity of telling the RN chaps how wonderful I am over pink gins. We drank a lot because the weather outside was pretty dreary.

The RN provided us with a truck that took me and my crew on a twirling and hoochie woochie singing tour of the pubs. So now, lots of Englanders know about my magnificent talents.

That night, with limited visibility we went to Portsmouth where I told some submarine officers about my outstanding abilities. I was dissapointed that there were no capital ships in port. The British officers suggested I write a letter to King George.

Dear King George,
This missive is intended to bring your awareness to the honour I'm bestowing upon you and your country by my goodwill visit to your ports.
Pip, pip,

Lt. z. S. Johan Sebastian Balz
Pride of the Kriegsmarine

Fear Mutti,
This sunny morning we docked in Cherbourg, a lovely city. This is a great day to make the residents here aware of my greatness. More later.

Your Wonderful son.
Lt.z.S. Johan Sebastian Balz.
Pride of the Kriegsmarine.