New furnace - A Tale of Two Winters

[Onkel Neal]

Man, a tale of woe. Over the last two winters, when I have to use my furnace, there is an usettling BOOM when it lights. Yeah, I know

How unsettling? Well, I'm used to it and I know it's not a good thing, but when my folks or any friends are over and the furnace lights and goes BOOOOM! they usually jump and exclaim at the same time, "What was that?!" I shrug and say, "That's my furnace lighting."

Being unemployed, I'm not sure what's worse, having to spend $2000 on a new furnace or dying in my sleep due to CO poisoning... alas. I decided to call the Heat & A/C people. Naturally the guy says something like the heat exchanger is cracked, going to need to replace the whole unit--$2000, someone is going to Vegas for the weekend.

I called my buddy Jesse to whine. My biggest complaint is, furnaces are really old technology. The darn things are nothing more than a few pieces of pipe in a metal box. I can get a new hi tech computer for $500 and furnace costs $2000? Jesse said, "Why don't you take your computer and put it in the attic?" Not much help, that guy.

The worse part, the Heat & A/C guy wouldn't put the unit back together. The coldest winter spell in recorded Texas history (thanks, Al Gore!) is coming in 10 hours and here I am without heat. When I mentioned this he shrank back in mock horror and exclaimed, "That unit is not safe! I could go to prison if your house burns down, or if you die in your sleep." (I mentioned that to Jesse, he said to buy a CO detector and leave a window cracked). I said, "Come on, man. I ride a motorcycle, I used to date Russian women, I'm used to a foolhardy lifestyle. I'm not used to freezing." But he wouldn't budge.

So, I have devised a new plan. I am going to go round the town and pick up any homeless people I can find and park them in the living room. I figure if I get 10 or so, the collective body heat will sustain the house temps about 60 degrees. Plus I will be giving back to the community. Win-win, right? I just hope they will leave when spring comes.