Post action report (balz)

[Brag]

Wishing all Balz supporters and lurking readers a Happy Christmas!

As usual, the air in Basra belonged in a dusty oven. It made it worse that, once again, the electricity was out and the overhead fans stood still. Commander Thompson RN sat behind his desk and shook his shorts to relieve the itch and dampness of his crotch. Only pink gins, lots of them, relieved the misery of his posting as Basra’s port captain. He stared hard at his miserable-looking visitor. “Belly dancers, you’ve said?”
Hawkins nodded. “Yes, belly dancers and seven peelers of wisdom.”
Thompson wrote, belly dancer,s on his notepad, worried that if he sent such a report to the commander of Gulf Station he would be accused of having had several pinckers too many.
“And forty thieves, all called Ali Baba,” said Hawkins, whose white linen suit was already turning gray and showed damp spots on his underarms.
“And the leader was . . .”
“Ali Bababoom Balz, who has a cabin boy called Bernard who specializes on starting fires on a ship’s bridge.”
“Ah, he burns ships.”
“No, he makes coffee and then spills it.”
So they came aboard with belly dancers to make coffee?”
“No, they came aboard to rip off the safe.”
“Why were they making coffee?”
“To drink it, I suppose.”
Thompson scratched his crotch. “But they didn’t drink it.”
“No, because I tripped and fell on the coffee pot.”
Thompson wrote: And the captain prevented the jocose boarders from drinking their coffee by jumping on the bonfire on his bridge. “Would you say that preventing the boarders from drinking coffee had a positive effect?”
Hawkins jumped from his chair. “Pirates, they were pirates.”
“With belly dancers?”
“And seven peelers of wisdom.” Hawkins banged his fist on Thompson’s desk. “And forty Ali Babas, and one Ali Bababoom Balz, and one Bernard.
“Of course, of course. Calm down, old chap.”
Thompson’s rate of perspiration increased as he took notes. “And you say he spoke Japanese?”
“He said sayonara in French.”
“Do you speak French?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know he said it in French?”
“Because he translated it into Portuguese.”
“Ah, and how do you say it in that Iberian language?”
“Sayonara.”