A bit of fun

[lesrae]

I need this after the couple of weeks we've had at work, most are worth at least a small groan

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky-maker's daughter, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Know matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.

[TarJak]

Very punny!

[A Very Super Market]

The third last one is a bit Yakov Smirnoff-y

In America, you go to library to check out books. In Soviet Russia, book checks out you!!!


In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!

And whatnot

[Tchocky]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
IN SOVIET UNION
POEM WRITES YOU

[bookworm_020]

None of you quit your day job!

[Jimbuna]

She was only the fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said fillet.

[lesrae]

Some new ones from a geek mate:

* F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here."

* I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...

* What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.

* An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves".

* Two kittens are on a roof but both of the are sliding down. which one falls off first? The one with the greatest mew.

* Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp.

* Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25. (a personal favourite)

* Two atoms are shooting the **** one day

ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
ATOM 2: Are you sure?
ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.

* What is the contour interval around western Europe? Zero because all the Poles are in eastern Europe.

* Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

* Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time.

* Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."

[Jimbuna]

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was in a travel agents.

She was the last resort.


Whoever said anything is possible, obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.



Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[GoldenRivet]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

hahahaha jim your a man after my own heart :rotfl: