Never Leave Bernard In Charge

[Salad]

I left the officers' mess in Kiel, it was 1939 and time for my first patrol. Upon arriving at the wharf I was more than impressed with the band and cute nurses that were there to see us off, after all it was close to midnight. A light breeze blew accross with a chill straight off the water as my number one reported, "all crew present and boat ready for sea".

I descended down the steps of the conning tower into a dimly lit command room. All were busy with their pre voyage double checking and acknowledged my presence. The area smelled of a mix of rising damp and oil fumes with metallic sounds audible as last minute preparations continued.

Looking over the charts, the navigator informed me of a pre-set course to navigate the canal. "Not for me", I told him and promptly drew my own course. "Ahead slow"' I gave the order and went back to the bridge to soak up the atmosphere.

Once we left the wharf proper and were clear of other shipping I gave the order for ahead standard. I looked over to Bernard on the bridge, "Bernard my good man, the bridge is yours until we clear the canal".

I thought this would be good for Bernard's confidence and after all we would be in friendly waters until we left the canal so what could go wrong?

The other three on the bridge, Moe, Larry and Curly looked in disbelief, but I gave them one of those reassuring looks that only a commander could give.

I then proceeeded to leavy my post and hang a load of washing on the clothes line.

Upon returning I heard the screams of the crew, you guessed it, straight into the pylon of a bridge. Well of course we're taking damage, we just ran into a steel bridge!

I managed to abandon ship with all other hands lost. Now the trudge back to HQ to explain why my crew are deceased and my boat is a hazard to shipping in the Kiel Canal......