"Message received..."

[the.terrabyte.pirate]

From: Bdu
To: J. S. Balz, F. Von Titz

Listen Up, And Listen Good.

You Two Morons Are Ruining The Professional Reputation Of The Kreigsmarine, Of The U-boat Service, And Of The Fatherland.

Your Antics Are Both Dangerously Reckless, And Criminally Stupid. I Can Only Hope That The Comedy You Have Both Reported Are Products Only Of Your Addled Imaginations, Or The Need To Incessantly Stroke Your Ego's, For If I Find A Trace Of Evidence That A German Officer Actually Boarded An English Vessel To Sign Autographs, Or That A Member Of The Service Was Poked With An Umbrella And Used As A Iceberg Echo Sounder, Then The Ramifications For You Two Fools Will Not Be Pleasant.

You Are Hereby Ordered To Return The Closest Port At The Best Practical Speed For Medical Evaluation. You Will Not Investigate Convoys Or Contacts. You Will Do Nothing To Endanger The Boat Or It's Crew. Any Deviation From These Orders Will Result In You Being Relieved Of Your Commands And Detained For A Military Tribunal By Your Respective First Officers.

Once Ashore, Your Mental States Will Be Evaluated And Your Reports Investigated. If You Are Found To Be Sane, Then You Will Be Shot. If You Are Found To Be Insane, Then You Will Be Medicated And Sent To The Eastern Front Where Your Deluded Ramblings Can Only Entertain The Russians, And You Are No Longer A Threat To The Men Under Your "command". In Either Case, You Will Serve As An Example And A Warning To Other U-boat Captains In The Service.

God Help Us, I Hope I Can Undo The Damange You Two Clowns Have Caused.

Admiral Donutz

[panzer 49th]

Veryyyyy....interesting. But entertaining and fun to read

[Freiwillige]

From:Fritz von Titz aboard U-1/4th

To:B.D.U.

Were sorry to report that that the great Baron Fritz von Titz is unavailable to answer your call as he is currently aboard the HMS Rodney sighning autographs and selling his albums (Which are all the rage in Englicheland) When he returns after the traditional ceremony where by the H.M.S. Rodney will scuttle herself in his honor,
After that he will be busy promoting his new book with the Fuhrer entitled (How to be like me in just 30 minutes a day!) Then of course after all of that I will have him contact you. That is if he has not become commander of the B.D.U. by then.

[GoldenRivet]

well written letter pirate. (it woult probably be the result of such antics)

and good response from freiwillige too.

[the.terrabyte.pirate]

FROM: BDU
TO: "Baron" Von Titz

Your Uncle Karl knows very well that you only received the title "Baron" because your mother had the forsight to use it as your first name. You have been unable to prove your ancestry, and I doubt that any house of nobility, or indeed any of the men your mother spent time with nine months before your inglorious birth in that alehouse, would recognise your claim. It only goes to show that indeed you have been drinking salt water again. Please refrain from this as it is not in the U-Boat instuctional manuals.

I have investigated your ascention to captain of your vessel. Your recruiting officer, trainers, and the clerk you bribed to change "Unfit to command a bathtub" to "Fit to command the Tirpitz" on your personnell file, have been sent to Stalingrad with my compliments. Don't be too upset. You will join them shortly.

As previously ordered, return to port immediately. Any port will do, even an allied one. Just getting your damn fool hide captured and festering in a british POW camp will make me once again believe in God.

Should this message be received and the "esteemed" captain Titz not be present, I order the first officer to maroon that idiot wherever the hell he is, and return to the Fatherland immediately.

Admiral Donutz

[Freiwillige]

Teletype mark urgent

To:B.D.U.

From:Reich chancellery Berlin, Fuhrer H.Q.

From this day forth I have promoted Fritz von Titz C&C of the Deutsches Kreigsmarine. His sacrifice and tireless duty to the fatherland is duly noted.

Also on this day forth J.S. Balz is promoted to head of the Unterseebootwaffe arm of the Kreigsmarine where he can hence forth teach his Hoochie woochie style of submarine warfare to all new Kadets serving our glorious Fatherland. From this day forward all Kaleuns are required to wear tea cozy's as a part of their proper uniform.

Doenitz has been promoted to the rank of the Fuhrer's dog walker. He is to report to Obersalzberg immediatly. Although since he is a navy man and a submariner by trade he is also required to show up in a tea cozy.

Fuhrer H.Q. ende

[the.terrabyte.pirate]

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

Teletype mark urgent

To:B.D.U.

From:Reich chancellery Berlin, Fuhrer H.Q.

From this day forth I have promoted Fritz von Titz C&C of the Deutsches Kreigsmarine. His sacrifice and tireless duty to the fatherland is duly noted.

No wonder they tried to assasinate Hitler. He was obviously mad...:rotfl:

[the.terrabyte.pirate]

FROM: BDU
TO: ALL VESSELS WITHIN 48 HOURS DISTANCE OF U 1/3RD

A state of war now exists against the greatest menace that the fatherland has ever known. An enemy so reckless, so cunning, and so pathetic, that our hands are forced.

For once, there is peace across the Atlantic, for all the nations of the world have agreed to put all their differences aside for a 48 hour period to answer the call of destiny.

In what has been called the most monumentous undertaking of our time, the real fuhrer has been released from his cellar prison in the Austrian alps, and the doppelganger that has replaced him for the last 4 months has been eliminated. All orders made by the imposter have been recinded, and he cursed his bastard overlord Von Titz with his final breath. Admiral Donutz is back in command of the Kreigsmarine, and is itching for action.

We are gathered together, one world united, in the Swiss capital. Hitler, Churchill, Stalin, Roosevelt and Hirohito have signed a document leading to the cessation of hostilities for a 48 hour period, and for that 48 hours the combined military might of all the countries on earth will squash the bastard Titz like a bug. His ego is so great that it threatens to suck the world into a black hole. His mania is so vast that a million Frueds working at a milliion typewriters could not produce a prognosis in a million years. His delusions of grandeur threaten the very fabric of the space / time continuum. He can not surrender, for he and his mutinous crew will be shot on sight. He cannot retreat, as Titz is an enemy to democrat, socialist, and facist alike. He cannot fight, because he has run out of torpedoes, and his deck gun is full of canned sausage.

One way or another, he will sink, and we will party like it's 1949.

Lord Haw Haw

[Brag]

This has to stop. If I fall off my chair laughing again , I will break my neck :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Freiwillige]

Somewhere in the mid atlantic.......

(von Titz) We are done for! Contacts all around us and closing!
(Balz) Nien! Nein Kammeraden! we still have amunition!
(von Titz) Did you put plan Sunderdopf into effect like ordered Balz?)
(Balz)Jahwohl herr Kaleun, Sunderkopf was completed 4 months ago she should be here at these coordinates by now!
(VT)Its a good thing the plan went off as expected. The Tommy's still beleive they had sunk her.
(Bernard)What is Sunderkopf?
(VT) ist die largest unterseeboot yet! Whas the real fuhrer on board?
(Balz)Jahwohl herr Kaleun!
(Balz)Bernard man deck gun! Load canned sausage ammunition!

With that the tremendous battle begins. The type IXB+ Ausf.h improved was a small target and sank many a tnk can being holed by canned sausages. But the bigger ships, The capital ships were closing fast! Just as time was running out for our hero's Sunderkopf surfaced!

(Bernard)Its the Sunderkopf Bizmark!

With in moment's the worlds navy's are crushed as the BB/U-boot Bizmark crash dives.

(Bernard)Well their he goes again Balz sighning autographs for the survivers!

[Blacklight]

From: KAPITÄNLEUTNANT Blacklight, U124

To: BDU

Does this mean that I have to toss out this nice tea cozy ?

[bookworm_020]

That it!

I'm joining the Air Force! Everyone elso is nuts

[Sailor Steve]

You just now figured that out?

[Antiacus]

Greatest

Thread

Evar.

[ToySoldier]

From: U-Heidrich
To: BDU

Dear Lion,

may you please verif the last spa - uhhh - messages!
Can´t believe that you open the hunt for the greates U-Asse germany has!!
Is it sure that it isn´t the hate of the Isle Apes of the UK?

Sincerly
E. Heidrich
Cmdt U-94

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: U-Heidrich
To: All Boats in the Atlantic

Comrades

be careful by the last commands of the Lion!!
There where not encoded by the legal code of Enigma the day!!!
They where send openly!!!!
Don´t close in for U-Baltz and U-Titz!!!
It may be a trap!!!!

Sincerly
E.Heidrich
Cmdt U-94