The Perfect U-boat Commander

Brag · 03-27-11, 04:19 PM

09 September 1941
Lorient, France.

As he marched toward his boat, Capt. Leutnant Schramm was sure his tailor was the best. Fresh out of the cleaners and perfectly pressed, his uniform fit better than Doenitz's.

The grey block of submarine pens hummed with activity. Tractors towed torpedo racks, welders sent flares of sparks. Pipe fitters banged on metal parts. A large diesel motor travelled suspended from an overhead crane.

On reaching Berth #6, Schram stopped and admired U-321. His boat gleamed with fresh paint, there wasn't one microscopic speck of rust on it. Schramm considered the U-boot Waffe as most disgraceful. On going through the hatch it was like leaving the Kriegsmarine and entering a hell hole for outcasts.

Now, that he had his own command, this has changed. He had requested working parties from the Schtraff batallion who had thoroughly cleaned out the bilges. The crew were provided with new matresses, the inside of the ship scrubbed from stem to stern.

Schram smiled. He had the best looking boat in the Navy. After twenty days of hard work, the boat and crew were ready to perform their duty.

Hr went down the gangplank.
The first WO saluted and called the crew, formed on the afterdeck, to attention.

The crew twirled and presented arms.

"What was that?" Schramm demanded, not believing his eyes.

" That was the twirl and present arms, Herr Kaleun."

"There is nothing like that in the Naval Drill Manual!"

"No, but it is very hoochie woochie."

Schramm took a deep breath. He would deal with this twit later.

"Männer," he started.
The crew twirled.
Schramm thought his temples would explode. He looked at his watch to insure he was awake.

To be continued.

frau kaleun · 03-27-11, 05:17 PM

OMG is this a Balz prequel?!?!?!?

Rhodes · 03-27-11, 05:22 PM

Possibly a spin-off...

Brag · 03-27-11, 05:31 PM

This happens after Balz left command of U-321

frau kaleun · 03-27-11, 05:31 PM

Someone else has been assigned Balz's old 1WO, maybe.

I really thought maybe we were going to see Balz in his pre-commander days, but Brag did say he was done with the character.

At any rate it appears the hoochie woochie is not so easily done away with.

Brag · 03-27-11, 05:37 PM

Balz before WWII is buried in the back pages of the SH3 forum. (He was a pirate and helped sell Hitler´s postcards in Munich

Sailor Steve · 03-27-11, 05:56 PM

But his legacy is still there, and an upright, uptight "proper" captain is going to have to deal with it.

Good luck with that.

frau kaleun · 03-27-11, 06:40 PM

I am eagerly awaiting the moment when the new commander begins his first attack run and turns around from the 'scope momentarily only to find his 1WO standing there grinning from ear to ear and holding out a pink bunny tea cosy.

Jimbuna · 03-28-11, 06:48 AM

Sounds like Balz left Bernard on the boat

TarJak · 03-28-11, 07:30 AM

Sounds like brag is having a clean out.

Gerald · 03-28-11, 07:32 AM

Spring cleaning is of course a well-known expression

Herr-Berbunch · 03-28-11, 07:47 AM

I missed the ending of Balz so I've just revisited - driving a desk in Flensburg

! At least his tea will be kept warm and, ahem, cosy!

Looking forward to Schramm and his grip on the hoochie-woochie crew

Brag · 03-30-11, 04:56 PM

The officers sat down for lunch. Every once in a while, Bernard had to get up to let a sailor twirl by.
"Can´t they just walk by like normal people?." Schramm asked.
"it gives them maneuvering elasticity," Lt. Metzler said, "and it loosens vocal cords. You will see that when you hold choir practice."
"Ummm, when I hold choir practice?"
"Yes, Herr Kaleun. Some day we will sing on Broadway."
"Your optimism is most engaging."
Kookie brought a soup tourine covered with a turkey tea cozy.
"How very original," Schramm said.
"Voila le soupe." Kookie removed the cozy with a flourish, tipping the tourine over and spilling soup on Bernard´s lap.
Bernard jumped from his seat yelling, "Ay yay yay yay."
Metzler sang,"Canta y no llores.
The crew spilled out of the forward compartment twirling and singing , "porque cantando, Cielito lindo, se alegran los corazones."
Bernard used the tea cozy to mop up the deck. He then squeezed soup out of it into Schramm's plate.
Schramm chequed his pulse and counted 'til ten.

Sailor Steve · 03-30-11, 09:05 PM

Brilliant use of an old classic!

For those not in the know:

Gereke · 03-31-11, 02:41 AM

Sehr Gut! Das story es muy divertido! Mas! Mas!

Pardon my Spangermish.

03-27-11, 04:19 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	The Perfect U-boat Commander 09 September 1941 Lorient, France. As he marched toward his boat, Capt. Leutnant Schramm was sure his tailor was the best. Fresh out of the cleaners and perfectly pressed, his uniform fit better than Doenitz's. The grey block of submarine pens hummed with activity. Tractors towed torpedo racks, welders sent flares of sparks. Pipe fitters banged on metal parts. A large diesel motor travelled suspended from an overhead crane. On reaching Berth #6, Schram stopped and admired U-321. His boat gleamed with fresh paint, there wasn't one microscopic speck of rust on it. Schramm considered the U-boot Waffe as most disgraceful. On going through the hatch it was like leaving the Kriegsmarine and entering a hell hole for outcasts. Now, that he had his own command, this has changed. He had requested working parties from the Schtraff batallion who had thoroughly cleaned out the bilges. The crew were provided with new matresses, the inside of the ship scrubbed from stem to stern. Schram smiled. He had the best looking boat in the Navy. After twenty days of hard work, the boat and crew were ready to perform their duty. Hr went down the gangplank. The first WO saluted and called the crew, formed on the afterdeck, to attention. The crew twirled and presented arms. "What was that?" Schramm demanded, not believing his eyes. " That was the twirl and present arms, Herr Kaleun." "There is nothing like that in the Naval Drill Manual!" "No, but it is very hoochie woochie." Schramm took a deep breath. He would deal with this twit later. "Männer," he started. The crew twirled. Schramm thought his temples would explode. He looked at his watch to insure he was awake. To be continued. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

03-27-11, 05:22 PM	#3
Rhodes Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Figueira da Foz, Portugal Posts: 4,515 Downloads: 110 Uploads: 0	Possibly a spin-off... __________________ http://www.flickr.com/photos/16416646@N05/

03-27-11, 05:31 PM	#4
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	This happens after Balz left command of U-321 __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

03-27-11, 05:56 PM	#7
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	But his legacy is still there, and an upright, uptight "proper" captain is going to have to deal with it. Good luck with that. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

03-28-11, 06:48 AM	#9
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Sounds like Balz left Bernard on the boat __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-27-11, 05:17 PM	#2
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	OMG is this a Balz prequel?!?!?!?

03-27-11, 05:37 PM	#6
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Balz before WWII is buried in the back pages of the SH3 forum. (He was a pirate and helped sell Hitler´s postcards in Munich __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

03-27-11, 06:40 PM	#8
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	I am eagerly awaiting the moment when the new commander begins his first attack run and turns around from the 'scope momentarily only to find his 1WO standing there grinning from ear to ear and holding out a pink bunny tea cosy.

03-28-11, 07:30 AM	#10
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Sounds like brag is having a clean out.

03-28-11, 07:32 AM	#11
Gerald SUBSIM Newsman Join Date: May 2008 Location: Close to sea Posts: 24,254 Downloads: 553 Uploads: 0	Spring cleaning is of course a well-known expression __________________ Nothing in life is to be feard,it is only to be understood. Marie Curie

03-28-11, 07:47 AM	#12
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	I missed the ending of Balz so I've just revisited - driving a desk in Flensburg ! At least his tea will be kept warm and, ahem, cosy! Looking forward to Schramm and his grip on the hoochie-woochie crew __________________

03-30-11, 04:56 PM	#13
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	The officers sat down for lunch. Every once in a while, Bernard had to get up to let a sailor twirl by. "Can´t they just walk by like normal people?." Schramm asked. "it gives them maneuvering elasticity," Lt. Metzler said, "and it loosens vocal cords. You will see that when you hold choir practice." "Ummm, when I hold choir practice?" "Yes, Herr Kaleun. Some day we will sing on Broadway." "Your optimism is most engaging." Kookie brought a soup tourine covered with a turkey tea cozy. "How very original," Schramm said. "Voila le soupe." Kookie removed the cozy with a flourish, tipping the tourine over and spilling soup on Bernard´s lap. Bernard jumped from his seat yelling, "Ay yay yay yay." Metzler sang,"Canta y no llores. The crew spilled out of the forward compartment twirling and singing , "porque cantando, Cielito lindo, se alegran los corazones." Bernard used the tea cozy to mop up the deck. He then squeezed soup out of it into Schramm's plate. Schramm chequed his pulse and counted 'til ten. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

03-30-11, 09:05 PM	#14
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Brilliant use of an old classic! For those not in the know: __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

03-31-11, 02:41 AM	#15
Gereke A-ganger Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 76 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 0	Sehr Gut! Das story es muy divertido! Mas! Mas! Pardon my Spangermish.