Sadly Bereaved

Jimbuna · 11-15-09, 05:15 PM

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

August · 11-15-09, 05:38 PM

I read that to my wife.

She sarcastically replied "Very funny!".

Thanks Jim!

Méo · 11-15-09, 06:51 PM

Do you know for how long they were married?

silentrunner · 11-15-09, 07:00 PM

Good one!

Reece · 11-15-09, 07:12 PM

That's bad Jim,

when she's walking it gives new meaning to the word knockers!!

Jimbuna · 11-15-09, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by August

I read that to my wife.

She sarcastically replied "Very funny!".

Thanks Jim!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reece

That's bad Jim,

when she's walking it gives new meaning to the word knockers!!

Platapus · 11-15-09, 07:46 PM

Do you know what a 50 year old woman has between her breasts that a 20 year old woman doesn't?

Her naval.

Weiss Pinguin · 11-15-09, 08:15 PM

ROFL jim, took me a second and then it hit me all at once

Méo · 11-15-09, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weiß Pinguin

ROFL jim, took me a second and then it hit me all at once

Me too...

Reece · 11-15-09, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weiß Pinguin

ROFL jim, took me a second and then it hit me all at once

As long as it wasn't in the face!!

geetrue · 11-16-09, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reece

As long as it wasn't in the face!!

What about the foot?

Good one Jim ... got any I can share with my pastor?

Jimbuna · 11-16-09, 12:53 PM

A pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise: two months ago my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his Scrotum was smashed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know If they could help him."

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate Operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

The men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably.

She continued, "Now Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say that, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, "Good morning, I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife ONCE AGAIN that the word is STERNUM."

bookworm_020 · 11-17-09, 10:54 PM

11-15-09, 05:15 PM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Sadly Bereaved Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering. Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-15-09, 05:38 PM	#2
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 23,197 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I read that to my wife. She sarcastically replied "Very funny!". Thanks Jim! __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

11-15-09, 07:00 PM	#4
silentrunner Watch Officer Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mind your own business English Types Posts: 334 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Good one! __________________

11-15-09, 07:12 PM	#5
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 34,688 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	That's bad Jim, when she's walking it gives new meaning to the word knockers!! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*

11-15-09, 07:46 PM	#7
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,360 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Do you know what a 50 year old woman has between her breasts that a 20 year old woman doesn't? Her naval. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-15-09, 06:51 PM	#3
Méo Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Quebec City Posts: 1,153 Downloads: 258 Uploads: 0	Do you know for how long they were married?

11-15-09, 08:15 PM	#8
Weiss Pinguin Ocean Warrior Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Auburn, Alabama Posts: 3,333 Downloads: 101 Uploads: 0	ROFL jim, took me a second and then it hit me all at once __________________

11-16-09, 12:53 PM	#12
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise: two months ago my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his Scrotum was smashed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know If they could help him." She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate Operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." The men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably. She continued, "Now Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say that, with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say. A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, "Good morning, I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife ONCE AGAIN that the word is STERNUM." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-17-09, 10:54 PM	#13
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	__________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"