Golden Days (BALZ)

[Brag]

Lt’ Fritz Gwitz writes:



The British cruiser began to settle by the stern.
“Now you’ve done it!” Sandokan said clutching his turban with both hands. “The british will be angry.”
“Will be? Balz adjusted his tea cozy and scratched his armpit. “Look at them. They’re not dancing on deck. They are hopping mad.”
“Three destroyers agains us, one single, poor, wooden sailing vessel with obsolete canon. Oooooh, we’ll get the green banana.”
“Aaaaarrrgghh, save us from the green banana,” the pirates wailed.
Balz cupped his hands over his mouth. “Englishmen, listen,” he shouted in his heroically, melodious and commanding voice, ”We have hostages, if you don’t obey my orders, the hostages will hang.”

Balz turned to Sandokan. “How did you like that line?”
“You’ve crossed the line. You went beyond piracy. The whole might of the British Empire will be unleashed upon our poor heads.”
Balz lit another cheroot and watched the crew of the sinking cruiser transfer to one of the destroyers. Again, he yelled, “Englanders, release steam and bank your fires or the hostages die.”

A few minutes later, steam came out of the destroyers’ stacks.

“Raise sails,” Balz ordered.

The pirate pirahu sailed away. By sunset the British force was no longer visible and Balz ordered a change of course. That night the Teutonic gods in Valhalla must have been watching as a line of thunderstorms swept the area and the pirates escaped to their hideaway.


Three days later, Balz wore his smoking jacket drank and smoked the pirate’s cigars, feeling at ease in the big house. He had good reason to feel heroically satisfied. At the tender age of 23 he had defeated the British on several occasions. His mattress was stuffed with gold to the point of being uncomfortable.

But what was really uncomfortable was that the full might of the British Empire was mobilizing to hunt him down and deprive him from the hoochie-woochie. “The Brits will not have my hochie - woochie,” he said.

Sandokan stopped playing the piano. “I’ll loan you a lifeboat, so you can make your escape and give you a three day head start before informing the Brits.”

“Inform the Brits?”
“Yeah, I was going to do it today, but my scribe has a stomach ache. You know, there is a nice reward for your head.” Sandokan flashed his huge smile . “I could retire, go into the supermarket business, call it Trader Sandy, nice friendly name.”

“Very nice name,” Balz said. “I need something larger to carry my gold.”
“That’s no problem. I’ll keep the gold.”



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