Glory or Death? (Balz)

[Brag]

LT. Fritz Gwitz writes:

Since this is a story of the greatest seaman Germany has produced and therefore a tale of the sea, I will not go into the details of Balz in Australia.

It suffices to say, he learned words like cobber and mate and learned to pronounce Parramatta and Wulongong, which is not a tea. Carrying his personal belongings in a sock and carrying his newly acquired sextant in the other hand when he wasn’t carrying his sock in that hand and the sextant in the other, he hitch hiked north by putting his sock down on the ground and extending his left thumb. In Australia it is awkward to hitch rides with the right thumb because it is in the Southern Hemisphere.

Balz kept going north until reaching Darwin. He stopped there because he had run out of Australia. To the north were the Timor Sea, Savu Sea, Flores Sea, Banda Sea, Ceram, Sea, Halmahera Sea, Sulu Sea. That was plenty of seas for ample sea room. Balz liked that.

Remembering his friend in Germany, Balz bought a postcard and wrote:
Hi Hitler
I Hope you are enjoying your time in jail. If you get bored, you can write a book. You could title it Mein Hoochie-Woochie.

Being a beached sailor, Balz had to walk along the shore trying to find a ship. There were steamers of various nations in the bay and lots of sailing ships bringing exotic cargoes, from the exotic seas to the north, which also had exotic islands that produced the exotic cargoes.

An exotic bearded man with an exotic turban wrapped around his head and secured with a diamond pin approached Balz. “Is your name Jim?” he asked.
No, I am Balz of the Seven Seas and here’s my sextant.

“Ah, a navigator! The bearded man smiled broadly and extended his hand.
I am Sandokan the single sole surviving son of Sandokan, The Tiger of Malasia. I have the swiftest ships, the fastest pirahus and the fiercest crews ever seen on the seas. We rob Dutchmen and Englanders and we will have a revolution.

“I can teach you how to have six revolutions per hour,” Balz said.
Sandokan laughed. “That’s very good. I also play the piano.
“I do the hoochie woochie.”

Sandokan raised his arms in an expansive gesture. “You are hired. Let’s go aboard the Mariana where you will show my men how to do six revolutions an hour. I need a sidekick to fill in for the now deceased, phlegmatic Da Silva. You must get a wide brimmed hat and smoke cigars. Well, you can use the poor Da Silva’s hat and smoke his cigars. The poor fellow was hung this morning. Without his hat—such a pity.” Sandokan shook his head.

On board the Mariana, balz donned Da Silva’s smoking jacket and played the Meet me in Balzimore You Hoochie-woochie on Sandokan’s piano.

Sandokan clapped in approval. “Now let’s get on with the business of revolutions. The Dutch and the English must go.”

Smoking a cigar and wearing the late Da Silva’s hat, Balz addressed the pirate crew assembled on deck.
“You dance the hoochie woochie for nine seconds, then twirl. That will give you six revolutions per minute. For six revs. per hour, you hoochie woochie for ten minutes, then twirl.”
The pirates drew their swords, cutlasses, and krisses and advanced toward Balz.
“Twirl, you fools, twirl” Balz shouted while thinking he should have worn Da Silva’s revolver.

What will happen to Balz in the hands of the pirates? Sign in next week for another exciting Balz-chapter.


NOTE: Sandokan, The Tiger of Malaysia is the creation of Emilio Salgari who wrote a series of adventure books in the early 1900s. He could be considered the father of the modern adventure thriller.

His books are difficult to find in English (There is one Ebook version in English) but are available in other languages.