English Spoken (BALZ)

Brag · 05-30-09, 04:13 PM

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:

The captain bellowed, “If you touch my trousers I’m going to have hang from the foremast by the balls.”

Balz scurried to the forecastle where he found a box with hand me down clothes. He returned on deck and headed for the bridge.

The first mate growled, “Why you no knocka rust?”
“The captain told me to come up,” Balz answered.
“You go up that mast.”
Balz saluted. “Aye, when I finish with the mast, I’ll be available to have tea with the captain so we can discuss my situation.”

The captain and officers of the Dowley Maiden did not recognize the greatness and genius of the former outstanding cadet and future hero of the Kriegsmarine. As the great ship sailed into the North Sea, Balz was relegated to chipping off rust.

During the daylight hours, the sound of paint chippers never stopped. At night, the hinged bulwark flaps flipped open and slammed shut as the ship rolled. Sleep was nearly impossible.

On the seventh day the Dowley Maiden was heading south abeam Dover. Shortly past midnight Balz was on the mid-watch steering the ship under the watchful eye of the quartermaster.

The night was as dark as the captain’s heart. The jolly lights of Dover blinked in the distance making Balz wish he was ashore doing the hoochie woochie.

The captain came on deck.
“Where are we going?” Balz asked the captain.
Captain Nonschmops Kapop, a taciturn Finn, said, “On this ship we speak English.”
“But I am speaking English.”
“You knocka rust. There, that is English. You knocka rust good at the wheel.
“To what port we knocka rust to?”
“We are Finnish ship. Have Irish, German, Russian, Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese crew. We speak English.”
“But I am speaking English.”
“No knocka rost during the night,” The Captain lit a Cuban cigar. When we get to Adelaide, you no knocka rost but help unload coal. Then you not knocka rost and wash hold. Then we load grain instead of knocka rost, When loaded we knocka rost again and go to Ireland. In this Finnish ship we never finish knocka rost.
“Now, I get it,” Balz said,
“In this Finnish ship we never finish speaking English.”
But I am speaking English,” Balz objected.
“I’m gonna knocka rost out of you.”

That night Balz decided he was finished sailing on Finnish ships where one never finished speaking English without speaking English.

Next week, Mystery of the Sextant

Paul Riley · 05-30-09, 04:21 PM

Crazy stuff

ECAaxel · 05-30-09, 06:35 PM

Brain.... confused!

Balz rules anywhoo

sunvalleyslim · 05-30-09, 07:29 PM

Knocka rust......Knocka rost.......sounds like a German deli sandwich.............on rye......

Brag · 05-31-09, 07:35 AM

Nonschmops kapop

Jimbuna · 05-31-09, 09:03 AM

Quote:

If you touch my trousers I’m going to have hang from the foremast by the balls

LOL :rotfl:

Laufen zum Ziel · 05-31-09, 11:15 AM

bookworm_020 · 05-31-09, 06:59 PM

Nice one!

papa_smurf · 06-01-09, 04:14 AM

Just gets better and better................

05-30-09, 04:13 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	English Spoken (BALZ) Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes: The captain bellowed, “If you touch my trousers I’m going to have hang from the foremast by the balls.” Balz scurried to the forecastle where he found a box with hand me down clothes. He returned on deck and headed for the bridge. The first mate growled, “Why you no knocka rust?” “The captain told me to come up,” Balz answered. “You go up that mast.” Balz saluted. “Aye, when I finish with the mast, I’ll be available to have tea with the captain so we can discuss my situation.” The captain and officers of the Dowley Maiden did not recognize the greatness and genius of the former outstanding cadet and future hero of the Kriegsmarine. As the great ship sailed into the North Sea, Balz was relegated to chipping off rust. During the daylight hours, the sound of paint chippers never stopped. At night, the hinged bulwark flaps flipped open and slammed shut as the ship rolled. Sleep was nearly impossible. On the seventh day the Dowley Maiden was heading south abeam Dover. Shortly past midnight Balz was on the mid-watch steering the ship under the watchful eye of the quartermaster. The night was as dark as the captain’s heart. The jolly lights of Dover blinked in the distance making Balz wish he was ashore doing the hoochie woochie. The captain came on deck. “Where are we going?” Balz asked the captain. Captain Nonschmops Kapop, a taciturn Finn, said, “On this ship we speak English.” “But I am speaking English.” “You knocka rust. There, that is English. You knocka rust good at the wheel. “To what port we knocka rust to?” “We are Finnish ship. Have Irish, German, Russian, Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese crew. We speak English.” “But I am speaking English.” “No knocka rost during the night,” The Captain lit a Cuban cigar. When we get to Adelaide, you no knocka rost but help unload coal. Then you not knocka rost and wash hold. Then we load grain instead of knocka rost, When loaded we knocka rost again and go to Ireland. In this Finnish ship we never finish knocka rost. “Now, I get it,” Balz said, “In this Finnish ship we never finish speaking English.” But I am speaking English,” Balz objected. “I’m gonna knocka rost out of you.” That night Balz decided he was finished sailing on Finnish ships where one never finished speaking English without speaking English. Next week, Mystery of the Sextant __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

05-30-09, 04:21 PM	#2
Paul Riley Ocean Warrior Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Sheffield, England Posts: 2,679 Downloads: 165 Uploads: 0	Crazy stuff __________________ Best Patrol: 10 merchants + HMS Nelson for 68.056 Tonnes

05-30-09, 06:35 PM	#3
ECAaxel Bosun Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 62 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	Brain.... confused! Balz rules anywhoo __________________ "My hovercraft is full of eels"

05-30-09, 07:29 PM	#4
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	Knocka rust......Knocka rost.......sounds like a German deli sandwich.............on rye...... __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

05-31-09, 07:35 AM	#5
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Nonschmops kapop __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

05-31-09, 11:15 AM	#7
Laufen zum Ziel Eternal Patrol Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Hiding on the bottom Posts: 1,783 Downloads: 853 Uploads: 457	__________________ RIP Laufen zum Ziel

05-31-09, 06:59 PM	#8
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	Nice one! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

06-01-09, 04:14 AM	#9
papa_smurf Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: High Peak, Derbyshire Posts: 2,851 Downloads: 33 Uploads: 0	Just gets better and better................ __________________