Men are just happier

[AVGWarhawk]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE



NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Damn dwarves, bloody bastards keep trying to build an Obisidan farm in the basement and a Lava Moat around the house.





:rotfl:

[FIREWALL]

The day he said " I Do " He meant " I'm Doomed "

[Digital_Trucker]

See signature for current feelings about marital relationships

Edit : That's gonna look kinda odd next week when I change the Carlin quote, so for future clarification:

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

George Carlin

[Jimbuna]

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Absolutely priceless

:rotfl:

[Platapus]

Men and women think of marriage differently

The man is thinking of her, the alter, and the aisle.
The woman is thinking: aisle alter him

It is a phonetic joke.... and not a very good one at that.

However, Marriage is like a three ringed circus

First there is the engagement ring
Second there is the wedding ring
Finally there is the suffering

<rimshot>

[FIREWALL]

Getting married is like body building.

First you gotta start with a Dumbell. (yourself)

[antikristuseke]

The key to a happy marriage

[Platapus]

A man is incomplete until he gets married


After that he is finished

[SUBMAN1]

How true all this is.

-S

[GoldenRivet]

In old times... sacrifices were made at the altar...

now weddings are held there.

things havnt changed much since the old times.

=========

to truly be happy in marriage you need to find a woman who...

1. ...is a good and willing cook

2. ...is wonderful at house keeping

3. ...is wealthy

4. ...will go out of her way to please you in the bed room

5. ...loves to give oral sex.

but most importantly - and i cannot stress this enough -you must make sure that none of those 5 women ever meet one another.

[UnderseaLcpl]

It's all well and good to make jokes, but one should be aware of the hazardous properties of women:

[bookworm_020]

I must show this to the wife..... On second thought!

[Jimbuna]

I see supermarkets are now offering a 'bag for life'.

The church has been doing that for centuries. It's called marriage.


While attending a marriage Encounter Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men: "Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"

I leaned over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "Self-raising, isn't it?"


My friend recently got divorced from his wife. He told me, "marriage is like a prison."

I thought to myself, "That’s not true. At least in prison you get to have anal sex."


My wife and I know we had to make a few sacrifices for our marriage to work, but child protection services are starting to ask a lot of questions.

A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common." The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks."


At the mariage retreat, Ben and Mary are given a test. They have to write a sentence with the words 'love' and 'sex' in it.

Mary writes: "When two people are passionately and deeply in love and respect each other very much, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of sex."

Ben writes: "I love sex"

[AVGWarhawk]

Undersea:

Awesome

Jim:

Bag for Life...awesome