The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Jimbuna · 01-31-09, 07:00 AM

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife sometimes treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished

Platapus · 01-31-09, 01:56 PM

Marriage is like a three ring circus

First there is the Engagement Ring
Second there is the Wedding Ring
Third there is the Suffering.

<rimshot>

U-84 · 02-01-09, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Marriage is like a three ring circus

First there is the Engagement Ring
Second there is the Wedding Ring
Third there is the Suffering.

<rimshot>

LOL my uncle says that all the time, then he adds the boxing ring.

nikimcbee · 02-01-09, 10:58 PM

nikimcbee · 02-02-09, 12:05 AM

you forgot about making home movies:

bookworm_020 · 02-02-09, 12:25 AM

My wife got a good laugh from them!

Platapus · 02-03-09, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U-84

LOL my uncle says that all the time, then he adds the boxing ring.

Never heard that one.... but it fits.

This one is better spoken as it involves homophones.

The difference between a husband and a wife is how they perceived the wedding.

The husband was thinking of Her, the Aisle, and the Alter.

The wife was thinking: I'll alter him

Overboard · 02-03-09, 10:55 PM

HaHaHa..Funny stuff

But i have to say that with out my wife of 11 years I would be sorely lost,.. With all my Egos and the strange things i say and do She is still my best friend, (I love you Baby!!)

Reece · 02-03-09, 11:02 PM

And knowing all of this we still love them dearly!

01-31-09, 07:00 AM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Ten Commandments of Marriage Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning. Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Commandment 3. Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is. Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife sometimes treats husband like toxic waste. Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-31-09, 01:56 PM	#2
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,361 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Marriage is like a three ring circus First there is the Engagement Ring Second there is the Wedding Ring Third there is the Suffering. <rimshot> __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-01-09, 10:58 PM	#4
nikimcbee Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Patroling the Slot. Posts: 17,952 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	__________________

02-02-09, 12:05 AM	#5
nikimcbee Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Patroling the Slot. Posts: 17,952 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	you forgot about making home movies: __________________

02-02-09, 12:25 AM	#6
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	My wife got a good laugh from them! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

02-03-09, 10:55 PM	#8
Overboard Medic Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 164 Downloads: 124 Uploads: 0	HaHaHa..Funny stuff But i have to say that with out my wife of 11 years I would be sorely lost,.. With all my Egos and the strange things i say and do She is still my best friend, (I love you Baby!!)

02-03-09, 11:02 PM	#9
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 34,693 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	And knowing all of this we still love them dearly! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*