Island Farewell (BALZ)

[Brag]

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes.



Under the splendor of a golden and pink tropical dawn, one hundred and twelve pirates squeezed into Balz’s bedroom. They lifted him off his bed and carried him outside.

“What is this?” Balz asked, “another admiration ceremony of my greatness?”

“Bwa, ha,ha,” Sandokan laughed. “Your greatness attracts the British. Your laying in bed on this island has become a layability. Bwa, ha, ha.”
The hundred and twelve pirates roared, “Aaaarrrgghh,” and carried Balz to the jetty.
“Hey,” Balz shouted, “liability? I taught you modern piracy 101. I taught you the hoochie woochie.”

“Good bye, Balz,” Sandokan said.
The pirates dumped our great hero into a boat. Sandokan again displayed his loud laughter. “I give you three days head start before I do the tap
tap, tap, on the new wireless key and the Royal navy receives it as did, did, dah, dit, di dah dit.’
The Malay pirates did their did did dah dit dance.
Seeing that he was no longer welcome, Balz said. “You may as well let me bring my gold.”
“Your gold got hijacked by some dastardly pirates. We’ll try to find it and mail it to you. Send us a post card.”
It was obvious he wouldn’t get anywhere arguing with Sandokan or trying to talk some sense to one hundred and twelve pirates, Balz stepped the mast and raised the mainsail of his new boat. “Do you speak Japanese?” he asked Sandokan.
“I don’t,” answered the pirate.
Balz tightened the main sheet. The sail caught the fresh morning wind. Balz waved. “Ciao, that means Sayonara in Italian..” The boat gathered speed. Balz raised the jib, set the sails for a wide reach and headed southwest.

That night, Balz returned to the pirate’s island. He snuck back to his room, took a few gold bars and put them in his pockets. He then went into the salon, where he stole two bottles of Sandokan’s best cognac and two large tins of beluga caviar.

After writing a thank you note, he picked up a revolver and a cutlass as he was saying farewell to the island, not farewell to arms.



Next Week, Balz of Arabia

[U-46 Commander]

Great Story Brag!

I see that the next story is Balz in Arabia. Is this where our great hero is to become the hero of the one thousand and one arabian nights?

[Brag]

We can try to make it better than the One Thousand and One Noghts

I refuse to ask Balz.

[sunvalleyslim]

HEY, HEY, What happened to the cigars? Balz had to have taken those too!

[Task Force]

Yay... anouther great balz story. lol

[mcf1]

Nice one Brag
Another great tale of the Great Balz

[papa_smurf]

Balz forgot one important item - His Tea Cozy

[Brag]

As Balz stepped over the bodies of pirate guards sleeping on the jetty, he heard voices. "He forgot cigars, how can he leave without his tea cozy?" The voices were insistent. They caused ringing in his ears. The voices were hoochie. He had to do it, he had to run the gauntlet of one hundred and twelve sleeping sentries and get the essential items.

He placed the gold ingots, the cognac and caviar on the bottom of his new boat and chuckled. The voices forgot the smoking jacket.

Balz tippy-toed over the sleeping guards with the delicate steps of an elephant tippy toeing over a field of Dutch tulips.

He entered his former room and picked up a few more gold ingots from his mattress but did not get greedy. He put on his silk smoking jacket but could not find his tea cozy.

The voices said, "Ya gotta find it."

There was a noise outside.
Balz looked out the window.
One hundred and twelve guards had turned in their sleep.
Balz tippy toed to Sandokan's room.
Sure enough, the pirate slept wearing Balz's tea cozy. To retrieve what was rightfully his, Balz had to think like the hero he was. He rummaged in a box Sandokan had at the foot of his bed. He carefully removed a puzzle box, a leggo set and a toy tiger. He then took a teddy bear and placed it on Sandokan's chest.
Now came the most delicate part of the operation, The removal of the tea cozy was like brain surgery.
Sandokan let out a loud snore, mumbled something and embraced the Teddy bear.
Balz crooned softly, "Sleepa my pirate the bear is with you,
sleepa real well, or I'll send you to hell."
Sandokan mumbled something and turned. The one hundred and twelve sleeping guards turned, too.
Like a brain surgeon about to murder his patient, Balz raised his cutlass above Sandokan's head. With the other hand, like a dentist pulling teeth, he swiftly removed the tea cozy. Like a thief, he quickly left the room grabbing a box of cigars.
The hundred and twelve sleeping guards turned in their sleep while Balz delicately did his hoochie woochie steps over them.
"Alaaaaaaaaaaarm!" The scream ripped through the quiet of the tropical night.
Balz executed an elegant crash dive for his boat, released the docking lines and sailed away guided by the bright stars of the Southern Cross.

Ashore, Sandokan yelled. "We've been hoochie woochied. Radio the Royal Navy to hunt the bugger down."



Awright, guys. Any more bitching about forgotten items?

[Sailor Steve]

Balz hears voices! Voices from the past? No, voices from the future! Balz can't act on everything the voice tell him, or he wouldn't be Balz!

Fight the voices, Balz! Fight them. This is not a voice in your head, just a bad dream.

[sunvalleyslim]

Thanks Brag........

[Bosje]

[coronas]

Waiting for Arabian Adventures of the Great Balz.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by coronas

Waiting for Arabian Adventures of the Great Balz.

Looking forward to the dance of the seven Balz

[Brag]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Looking forward to the dance of the seven Balz

You can expect:
A clourful cast of thousands, exotic locales, dancing, new hoochie woochie, skullduggery, adventure, daring do, burning sands, cobalt seas, trachery, tea cozies. Ummm, genies?

[Jimbuna]

Don't forget the magic carpet