Balz at Scapa Flow 1919

[Brag]

Lieutenant Fritz Gwix writes:

Due to my extraordinary writing ability my glorious commander Kapitanleutenabt Johan Sebastian Balz has commissioned me to write his official biography and how he became Germany’s greatest and supreme hero.

While we wait for our boat to be fixed in dry-dock, I shall continue the amazing tale of the heroic commander Balz. A true amazing story that surpasses all amazement in the most amazing way. You will be amazed when you read it.

After the end of the Great War, the German Fleet was ordered to sail into the Firth of Forth. Balz, then a 13 year old cadet of amazing ability stood on the deck of the battle cruiser Bayern and said, “This is amazing, an undefeated fleet surrendering to the British. This could only happen in a place called The Firth of Forth. Why not in the Farth of Firth?” or the Fifth of Fahrt. I am getting a fit to fart.”

Hearing this amazing cadet’s comments, the British changed the destination of the undefeated German fleet to Scapa Flow and ordered the insurgent German sailors to take down the red communist flags.

“What is Scapa Flow?” Asked our amazing cadet Balz, “It sounds like water scaping and flowing from the toilet. No wonder Englanders seek colonies away from their Scapa Flows.

When the High Seas Fleet anchored in the desolate waters of this lake-like body of water, Admiral Ludwig von Reuter asked the amazing cadet Balz, “What should we do to restore our soiled honor?”

“We should drown the mutinous scum we have for sailors in the filthy waters scaping the flow . there will be no scaping them when the flow flows.

“You’re an amazing cadet,” the admiral said.
Balz nodded and clicked his heels. “I will distract the Englanders with my choir twirling and singing the hoochie-woochie. While I do that you can scuttle the fleet and drown the mutinous crews.”

“You are an amazing cadet,” the admiral said.
“Yes, Herr Admiral. I am an amazing cadet,” Balz said modestly.

Like you all know, the rest is history.