Bernard's Daily Grind (Balz)

[Brag]

Lt. Otto Kalb writes:

09 November 1940
Aboard U-124

On our sixth day of patrol we sat in the officers' nook watching Balz spin a coin on the table. This was the most interesting activity after a frustrating 48 hours trying to find a convoy.
"We have a great U-boot," Balz said, "We have lots of torpedoes. And we have a great choir. What's missing is ships in this empty and forlorn sea."
Bernard smiled and said, "Herr Kaleun, I have an idea."
Balz grimaced as if eating lemons. "Yes?"
"We can pretend a ship is coming."
"That's a wonderfull idea."
"I can be the ship." Bernard inflated his chest and made a series of chuggah chuggah sounds.
"Then what?"
"Then, we fire a torpedo from tube one. Whoooosh."
"A real torpedo?"
"Sure, you can't miss against an imaginary target. Here he comes, chuggah, chugha. A big freighter Chugah, womp, chuggah whomp.
"You idiot, we need boom-boom. Go to the galley. Grind some coffee, count 3682 coffee grounds through the microscope and place them in a match box."
"But I already have three match boxes ready."
"I want more. go to your daily grind."
Bernard shuffled off to the galley where he'd been spending twelve hours a day counting coffee grounds.
"Now with that idiot out of the way, we can have an intelligent conversation." Balz stopped spinning the coin. "Can anyone explain to me how come we see plenty of tea cozies and never a coffee one?"

<---Balz's choir (stolen from Jimbuna)

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Brag

Bernard shuffled off to the galley where he'd been spending twelve hours a day counting coffee grounds.

LMAO

[papa_smurf]

Things must be getting really desperate for the crew of U-124 :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Brag]

"Freighter,fast!" The sound operator yelled.
"Action stations," Balz bellowed as he jumped out of his bunk and grabbing his tea cozy. "New heading one two zero, ahead flank, surface. Up periscope!"
The watch crew climbed up the conning tower. Balz put his tea cozy on. In the red light his face became became black. He took the tea cozy off. This revealed a dusty mound on his head.
He looked into the tea cozy and sniffed. "Who is the bastard who filled my tea cozy with coffee grounds?"

[joea]

Too much caffeine is bad for you! :rotfl:

[bigboywooly]

Balz has a mutiny brewing
Well there are no coffee grounds left

:rotfl:

[NealT]

I almost had to change my pants on that one.....

[Jimbuna]

[NealT]

UNCLE Fred!

[Brag]

Before



After

[Jimbuna]

LMAO :rotfl:

[Brag]

16 November 1940
U-124
To BDU

After chasing 3 phantom convoys, with my consumate skill I intercepted one convoy and sank a tanker. Our coffee supplies received heavy damage but we will pursue our quest of sweeping the Englanders off the surface of the ocean. Total sunk 35,000 BRT, 16 Torpedoes left.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz

Lt. Otta Kalb writes: After the coffee in the tea cozy incident, we did torpedo the fast moving tanker and stood 300 meters away watching it sink.

There were a series of explosions in the area of the bridge. After about five raports we were hit by a light artillery round and had to crash dive while the sea swallowed the tanker. Very Odd.

The following day, we ran into a heavily escorted convoy shortly after dark. Balz ordered periscope depth and all engines stop.

We fired four bow torpedoes but only one hit and exploded. While skulking at 80 meters under the convoy, Bernard said, "Wasserbomben."
"You imbecile," Balz growled. "After my brilliant triple wiggle waggle, the poor, confused escorts are searching the wrong area. How can you say Wasserbomben?"
"To add atmosphere of high drama."
"Go to the galley and play with the kitchen knives. Maybe you'll stab yourself to death. But die quietly, remember we're on silent running."
After Bernard left for the galley, Balz sat on the chart box and hummed his favorite song, I'm the Greatest Hoochie-woochie.

[Kaleu_Mihoo]

Originally Posted by Brag

While skulking at 80 meters under the convoy, Bernard said, "Wasserbomben."
"You imbecile," Balz growled. "After my brilliant triple wiggle waggle, the poor, confused escorts are searching the wrong area. How can you say Wasserbomben?"
"To add atmosphere of high drama."

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

keep up the fantastic work Brag, your Balz stories makes me laugh so much

greets

[CapZap1970]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
CapZap

[T.Von Hogan]

They always search the wrong area when you shoot from long distance, the real question is whether it was folgers or maxwell house grounds that bernard counted

Size matters you know