GAME: Post Your Jokes
 

* Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them looks up and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

* A man and his friend are going on a hunting trip. As they're walking along, his friend stumbles and falls down a steep embankment. The man, quickly reacting runs down to see if he's OK. The friend shows no response. The man pulls out a cell-phone and dials 9-1-1 for help. "I THINK MY FRIEND'S DEAD!" cries the man. "It's OK, sir. Just don't panic. Make SURE your friend is dead first before you claim that," says the 9-1-1 operator. As she sits at her desk, she nearly jumps out of her skin when a loud and startling gunshot goes off over the phone. The man comes back on and says, "Now what?"

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.

:rotfl:


Good one, Kapitan.

A man decides to take his friend along on bear hunting trip,
to show him how he bags all his bears without a blemish on
the skins.. All he takes along with him on the trip is his trusty rifle
and a randy bloodhound. The first tree he comes across,he gives an almighty
shake, and a bear falls out the tree. The bloodhound rushes after the bear
and mounts the bear into submisson, and the bear dies from the result.
He says to his friend, ''thats how its done''.So the next tree he gives almighty shake
and nothing comes down, he says ''there is a bear up there'' so he pass's his rifle
to his friend and starts to climb the tree.... his friend says ''hey if its that easy why do you need the rifle'' to which he replied ''if i come down this tree first SHOOT THAT Feckin DOG'':rotfl:

There once was a man from Darjeeling
Who got on a bus bound for Ealing
When he saw on the door
"Please dont spit on the floor"
He got up and spat on the ceiling

:up:

Not to long ago
 

Q: What goes, "clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop"?

A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the Show."Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the Captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it ........ the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day.....
And then 2 days...
Then 3 days...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said "OK, I give up. Where's the *********g ship?"

Here's a football joke:


If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are called the 'Bucs'
And the Jacksonville Jaguars the 'Jags',
What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

A mushroom goes to a party. He sees this hot girl and says "Hey baby ! Wanna dance ?"
She says, "No ! You're ugly !"
He says "But I'm a FUN GUY !!!"

:rotfl:

All i know are really old ones, or the standard BS you learn in the service.


---------
Guy goes to a western style bar and see's theres a contest.
"Make the horse out front laugh, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, and whispers something in the horses ear.
Horse starts laughing louder then Mr Ed.
Guy has a drink, and takes the jar of money as he leaves.

Next week, same guy comes back, same horse, new contest.
"Make the horse out front cry, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, takes the horse around back, brings the horse around, crying a river.

Guy goes up to the bartender, "i think i win that one!". Bartender asks, aren't you the guy who won last week? You didnt hurt that horse did you?! Guy replies, "Nah, i didnt touch the horse, he's fine". Bartender then asks, "well then tell me, how'd you do it?"
Guy says, "well last week i told him my d**k was bigger then his - this week i showed him."
----------------

Q. How do you kill a batallion of Marines?
A. Glue sand on a wall, and tell them to storm the beach.

--------------------------

Jokes to play on the FNG -ask him to fetch you a:
- Metric cresent wrench
- a block stretcher
- left handed hammer
- bucket of propwash
- jerrycan of K9-P.

man walks into a bar with a dog and orders a drink.
the guy next to him says, hey buddy, does your dog bite?
No, he's a really friendly animal, never bit anyone.

So the guy reaches down and pats the dog. It bites his hand quite hard.

Ow, he yells, i thought you said your dog didn't bite!

It's not my dog, answered the man.

Gman Borat :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do_gtAt73sI

These three ropes walk into a bar.
There is a sign over the bar that says "We don't serve ropes"
So the first rope walks up the bar and says, "Hey bartender ! Gimme a beer"
The bartender says "I'm sorry sir. You'll have to leave. We don't serve ropes here."
So the seccond rope walks up the the bar and tries to act tough, "Yo bartender. Gimme a beer !"
The bartender says "We don't serve ropes !!" and has the bouncer toss the rope out.
So the third rope ties himself all up and messes up his hair and walks in...
"Hey bartender ! Gimme a beer !"
The bartender eyes him suspiciously and says "Hey buddy ! Are you a rope ?"

"Nope... I'm a frayed knot !!!"

:rotfl: