The joke thread II - Page 199

ET2SN · 05-07-21, 01:58 PM

Jimbuna · 05-08-21, 05:49 AM

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm okay.

Platapus · 05-08-21, 06:00 AM

Wife: You have to do more chores around the house!

me: Can you change the subject?

Wife: More of the chores around the house need to be done by you.

Jimbuna · 05-08-21, 12:49 PM

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please."

Jimbuna · 05-08-21, 12:50 PM

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

Jeff-Groves · 05-08-21, 01:24 PM

I managed to clone myself, but something went wrong.
My clone would repeatedly stick his head out the fourth-story window, and curse at people below.
I was at a loss, and deeply embarrassed by My clone's behavior.
After two weeks of pleading and threatening My clone, I saw no other alternative than to push the clone out the window.
Within an hour, I was arrested!
I was charged with making an obscene clone fall.

Jeff-Groves · 05-08-21, 01:25 PM

Telling a person to calm down is about like baptizing a cat.

----------

I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!

----------

I have kleptomania.
When it gets bad I take something for it.

Platapus · 05-08-21, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Upon reflection, I can see myself working in a mirror factory one day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

Another one so nice we post it twice.

Jeff-Groves · 05-08-21, 07:13 PM

A recent trip by Explorers to the Titanic wreck site confirmed that all the pools are still full of water.

----------

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough.The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues,
"one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared."
(At this point, several of the children giggle.)
"I looked up, and right above me was one of them! I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."

At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh.
The teacher stands up and says,
"I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company".

"That's true," says the pilot,
"but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."

Moonlight · 05-09-21, 09:09 AM

^I like that one.

Jeff-Groves · 05-09-21, 12:02 PM

World War II is in full force, and a Japanese plane and an american plane both crash after a dogfight on a deserted jungle island.
The American pilot and Japanese pilot meet on the beach and figure they'll call a truce until they're rescued.

"Alright" says the American. "I'll get the fire going."
Then tells the Japanese pilot to go into the forest and handle the supplies.

Time passes, and soon a roaring signal fire is going, but the sun is starting to go down and the Japanese pilot is nowhere to be found.

Not wanting to be down a man in their situation, the American ventures into the woods to look for him.

He searches for many hours then decides to head back to camp and to continue the search tomorrow.

As he gets back to camp,
the Japanese pilot jumps out from behind a rock and yells
"SUPPLIES!!!"

Aktungbby · 05-09-21, 12:15 PM

^ She actually leapt out; ripped open her pilots tunic; and shrieked Nipponese!

Jimbuna · 05-09-21, 12:33 PM

I tried to catch fog yesterday, mist.

Jimbuna · 05-09-21, 12:34 PM

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Jimbuna · 05-11-21, 06:45 AM

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey.

05-08-21, 05:49 AM	#2972
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm okay. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-08-21, 06:00 AM	#2973
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,967 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Wife: You have to do more chores around the house! me: Can you change the subject? Wife: More of the chores around the house need to be done by you. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-08-21, 12:49 PM	#2974
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-08-21, 12:50 PM	#2975
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-08-21, 01:24 PM	#2976
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	I managed to clone myself, but something went wrong. My clone would repeatedly stick his head out the fourth-story window, and curse at people below. I was at a loss, and deeply embarrassed by My clone's behavior. After two weeks of pleading and threatening My clone, I saw no other alternative than to push the clone out the window. Within an hour, I was arrested! I was charged with making an obscene clone fall. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

05-07-21, 01:58 PM	#2971
ET2SN ET2/SS Join Date: Oct 2017 Posts: 2,526 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0

05-08-21, 01:25 PM	#2977
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	Telling a person to calm down is about like baptizing a cat. ---------- I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time! ---------- I have kleptomania. When it gets bad I take something for it. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

05-08-21, 07:13 PM	#2979
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	A recent trip by Explorers to the Titanic wreck site confirmed that all the pools are still full of water. ---------- A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough.The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared." (At this point, several of the children giggle.) "I looked up, and right above me was one of them! I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me." At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company". "That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts." __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

05-09-21, 09:09 AM	#2980
Moonlight Admiral Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Fookhall Copse Posts: 2,141 Downloads: 184 Uploads: 0	^I like that one. __________________

05-09-21, 12:02 PM	#2981
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	World War II is in full force, and a Japanese plane and an american plane both crash after a dogfight on a deserted jungle island. The American pilot and Japanese pilot meet on the beach and figure they'll call a truce until they're rescued. "Alright" says the American. "I'll get the fire going." Then tells the Japanese pilot to go into the forest and handle the supplies. Time passes, and soon a roaring signal fire is going, but the sun is starting to go down and the Japanese pilot is nowhere to be found. Not wanting to be down a man in their situation, the American ventures into the woods to look for him. He searches for many hours then decides to head back to camp and to continue the search tomorrow. As he gets back to camp, the Japanese pilot jumps out from behind a rock and yells "SUPPLIES!!!" __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

05-09-21, 12:15 PM	#2982
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,886 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	^ She actually leapt out; ripped open her pilots tunic; and shrieked *Nipponese!* __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

05-09-21, 12:33 PM	#2983
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I tried to catch fog yesterday, mist. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-09-21, 12:34 PM	#2984
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-11-21, 06:45 AM	#2985
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)