The joke thread II - Page 254

Platapus · 10-26-22, 03:37 PM

I am learning Sign Language.

Pretty handy

Jimbuna · 10-27-22, 06:42 AM

Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Jimbuna · 10-27-22, 06:53 AM

I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days. It’s on its last legs now.

Jimbuna · 10-28-22, 06:41 AM

My wife: Where’s the broom?

Me: Why, where are you going?

Jimbuna · 10-29-22, 06:38 AM

For me the hardest part of telling my son he was adopted was learning Chinese.

Jimbuna · 10-29-22, 08:14 AM

Do you know when that movie about constitpation is being released?

It seems to be taking ages to come out.

Jimbuna · 10-30-22, 05:22 AM

I’ve got the memory of an elephant. I went to the zoo once and saw an elephant.

Jimbuna · 10-31-22, 06:41 AM

My girlfriend’s dog died recently so I decided to get her an identical one. She was really angry, she said “what am I gonna do with 2 dead dogs?”

Platapus · 10-31-22, 03:27 PM

For my birthday, I got a poor quality dictionary

I can't find the words to express how I feel.

Jimbuna · 11-01-22, 08:28 AM

Just seen a sign for the Samaritans on the back of a bus. Surely it would be more useful on the front.

Platapus · 11-01-22, 03:57 PM

At last night's Halloween party, my wife went as Cat Woman.

She spent the evening knocking stuff off of tables

Jimbuna · 11-02-22, 05:38 AM

CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal.

Except Winter and Summer.

And Autumn.

Platapus · 11-02-22, 04:07 PM

The hostess of the Halloween party called me to ask why I did not attend

"I was there. I came as a Ninja"

"I didn't see you at our party"

"Thank you, that's a nice complement"

Jimbuna · 11-03-22, 06:35 AM

Decided to wear a Covid mask for protection but now I have to go to hospital with 3rd degree burns on my legs. Turns out you have to take the mask off if you drink coffee.

Jimbuna · 11-03-22, 01:45 PM

Cant believe how many boarded up windows my local town center has nowadays. Windows cleaners have started replacing their sponges with sanders.

10-26-22, 03:37 PM	#3796
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I am learning Sign Language. Pretty handy __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-27-22, 06:42 AM	#3797
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-27-22, 06:53 AM	#3798
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days. It’s on its last legs now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-28-22, 06:41 AM	#3799
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife: Where’s the broom? Me: Why, where are you going? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-29-22, 06:38 AM	#3800
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	For me the hardest part of telling my son he was adopted was learning Chinese. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-29-22, 08:14 AM	#3801
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Do you know when that movie about constitpation is being released? It seems to be taking ages to come out. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-30-22, 05:22 AM	#3802
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve got the memory of an elephant. I went to the zoo once and saw an elephant. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-31-22, 06:41 AM	#3803
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My girlfriend’s dog died recently so I decided to get her an identical one. She was really angry, she said “what am I gonna do with 2 dead dogs?” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-31-22, 03:27 PM	#3804
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	For my birthday, I got a poor quality dictionary I can't find the words to express how I feel. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-01-22, 08:28 AM	#3805
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just seen a sign for the Samaritans on the back of a bus. Surely it would be more useful on the front. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-01-22, 03:57 PM	#3806
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	At last night's Halloween party, my wife went as Cat Woman. She spent the evening knocking stuff off of tables __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-02-22, 05:38 AM	#3807
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer. And Autumn. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-02-22, 04:07 PM	#3808
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The hostess of the Halloween party called me to ask why I did not attend "I was there. I came as a Ninja" "I didn't see you at our party" "Thank you, that's a nice complement" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-03-22, 06:35 AM	#3809
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Decided to wear a Covid mask for protection but now I have to go to hospital with 3rd degree burns on my legs. Turns out you have to take the mask off if you drink coffee. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-03-22, 01:45 PM	#3810
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Cant believe how many boarded up windows my local town center has nowadays. Windows cleaners have started replacing their sponges with sanders. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)