The joke thread II - Page 151

Platapus · 09-01-20, 10:08 AM

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are still closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

Jimbuna · 09-01-20, 11:26 AM

We gave our granddad the nickname ‘Spiderman’,

He hasn’t got any super powers, he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

Jimbuna · 09-01-20, 11:52 AM

My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning.

I can’t believe Gaviscon.

Platapus · 09-01-20, 03:38 PM

I ran out of body wash this morning.

I was looking for something I could use as a substitute

Then it dawned on me.

Jimbuna · 09-02-20, 06:47 AM

I was holding my sister’s baby yesterday when she asked me to wind it. Seemed a bit harsh so I decided to just give it a dead leg instead.

Gargamel · 09-02-20, 09:50 AM

I think I'm going to start an all marsupial fight club.

I'll call it Mortal Wombat.

Jimbuna · 09-02-20, 10:02 AM

Fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and replaced with a shiny new fifty pence piece. Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy.

Jimbuna · 09-03-20, 06:18 AM

Made a taxi driver really angry tonight.

Told him to drive me home in reverse and now he owes me £16.20.

Jimbuna · 09-03-20, 06:19 AM

Got my wife a new bag and belt for Christmas. Vacuum cleaner should be like new once she fits in the new parts.

Texas Red · 09-03-20, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gargamel

I think I'm going to start an all marsupial fight club.

I'll call it Mortal Wombat.

^^^^

Jimbuna · 09-03-20, 11:34 AM

One more sleep till Christmas if you’re an insomniac.

Catfish · 09-04-20, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gargamel

I think I'm going to start an all marsupial fight club.

I'll call it Mortal Wombat.

Jimbuna · 09-04-20, 05:19 AM

My cooking is awful.

Does anyone know how much vodka you’re supposed to add to cheese-on-toast?

Jimbuna · 09-04-20, 12:31 PM

Just had some people knock on my door trying to convince me that ‘brown bread’ is better than ‘white bread’.

They told me they were hovis witness.

Jimbuna · 09-05-20, 08:51 AM

09-01-20, 10:08 AM	#2251
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are still closed. It’s about to get ugly out there. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-01-20, 11:26 AM	#2252
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	We gave our granddad the nickname ‘Spiderman’, He hasn’t got any super powers, he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-01-20, 11:52 AM	#2253
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning. I can’t believe Gaviscon. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-01-20, 03:38 PM	#2254
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I ran out of body wash this morning. I was looking for something I could use as a substitute Then it dawned on me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-02-20, 06:47 AM	#2255
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was holding my sister’s baby yesterday when she asked me to wind it. Seemed a bit harsh so I decided to just give it a dead leg instead. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-02-20, 09:50 AM	#2256
Gargamel Lucky Sailor Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Rome Posts: 4,272 Downloads: 81 Uploads: 0	I think I'm going to start an all marsupial fight club. I'll call it Mortal Wombat. __________________ Luck is a residue of Design.

09-02-20, 10:02 AM	#2257
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and replaced with a shiny new fifty pence piece. Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-03-20, 06:18 AM	#2258
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Made a taxi driver really angry tonight. Told him to drive me home in reverse and now he owes me £16.20. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-03-20, 06:19 AM	#2259
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got my wife a new bag and belt for Christmas. Vacuum cleaner should be like new once she fits in the new parts. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-03-20, 11:34 AM	#2261
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	One more sleep till Christmas if you’re an insomniac. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-04-20, 05:19 AM	#2263
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My cooking is awful. Does anyone know how much vodka you’re supposed to add to cheese-on-toast? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-04-20, 12:31 PM	#2264
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had some people knock on my door trying to convince me that ‘brown bread’ is better than ‘white bread’. They told me they were hovis witness. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-05-20, 08:51 AM	#2265
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)