The joke thread II - Page 150

Jimbuna · 08-30-20, 07:40 AM

I cant believe some people. You give someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then suddenly she’s not friends with you any more.

Jimbuna · 08-30-20, 07:43 AM

Interesting Fact:

A shark will only attack you if you are wet.

mapuc · 08-30-20, 12:50 PM

A man went to confession and confided himself weeping to the priest.
- “Father forgive me. During World War II, I did something terrible. ”
-"What did you do ?"
- "I hid a refugee in my attic."
- "It is not a sin, but rather a good deed"
"But I got him to pay the whole rent."
- "It was not very nicely done, but you put your life on the line, so you are forgiven"
- "Thank you father, just one last question"
-"Yes ?"
- "Should I tell him that the war is over ?

Markus

Platapus · 08-31-20, 09:25 AM

I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Platapus · 08-31-20, 09:27 AM

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.

It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.

I came into my house, told my dog–we laughed a lot.

Jimbuna · 08-31-20, 11:23 AM

Went to the zoo yesterday and saw a discarded baguette in the monkey enclosure.

It was bread in captivity.

Jimbuna · 08-31-20, 11:24 AM

Q. What do you call a Mexican who’s been the victim of vehicle theft?

A. Carlos.

Platapus · 08-31-20, 11:55 AM

Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

Platapus · 08-31-20, 11:59 AM

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.

Platapus · 08-31-20, 12:00 PM

If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?

I suspect there will be a lot of

(puts on sunglasses)

Quaranteens.

Catfish · 08-31-20, 02:50 PM

^ those last ten .. oh my, this is getting worse by the minute

Jimbuna · 09-01-20, 05:12 AM

Punched a doctor this morning after I misheard.

Apparently he told my wife she had ‘acute angina’.

Jimbuna · 09-01-20, 08:27 AM

Accordion to research 9 out of 10 people are so dumb they don’t even notice when you replace a word with a musical instrument.

Platapus · 09-01-20, 10:04 AM

After a couple weeks quarantine at home, my dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

Platapus · 09-01-20, 10:06 AM

Why did they call it the novel coronavirus?

Well, it’s a long story….

So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.

08-30-20, 07:40 AM	#2236
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I cant believe some people. You give someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then suddenly she’s not friends with you any more. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-30-20, 07:43 AM	#2237
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Interesting Fact: A shark will only attack you if you are wet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-20, 09:25 AM	#2239
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-20, 09:27 AM	#2240
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog–we laughed a lot. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-20, 11:23 AM	#2241
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to the zoo yesterday and saw a discarded baguette in the monkey enclosure. It was bread in captivity. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-30-20, 12:50 PM	#2238
mapuc Fleet Admiral Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 17,922 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	A man went to confession and confided himself weeping to the priest. - “Father forgive me. During World War II, I did something terrible. ” -"What did you do ?" - "I hid a refugee in my attic." - "It is not a sin, but rather a good deed" "But I got him to pay the whole rent." - "It was not very nicely done, but you put your life on the line, so you are forgiven" - "Thank you father, just one last question" -"Yes ?" - "Should I tell him that the war is over ? Markus

08-31-20, 11:24 AM	#2242
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What do you call a Mexican who’s been the victim of vehicle theft? A. Carlos. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-20, 11:55 AM	#2243
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-20, 11:59 AM	#2244
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-20, 12:00 PM	#2245
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? I suspect there will be a lot of (puts on sunglasses) Quaranteens. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-20, 02:50 PM	#2246
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ those last ten .. oh my, this is getting worse by the minute __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

09-01-20, 05:12 AM	#2247
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Punched a doctor this morning after I misheard. Apparently he told my wife she had ‘acute angina’. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-01-20, 08:27 AM	#2248
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Accordion to research 9 out of 10 people are so dumb they don’t even notice when you replace a word with a musical instrument. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-01-20, 10:04 AM	#2249
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	After a couple weeks quarantine at home, my dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-01-20, 10:06 AM	#2250
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why did they call it the novel coronavirus? Well, it’s a long story…. So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.