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Old 11-20-2020, 12:46 PM   #9421
Aktungbby
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my indoor cat, Penelope, does it with her eyes open!...most of the day
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Old 11-20-2020, 01:00 PM   #9422
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I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
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Old 11-21-2020, 10:04 AM   #9423
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I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
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Old 11-21-2020, 12:48 PM   #9424
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and yer medulla ain't 'zackly oblongata either!
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Old 11-21-2020, 01:07 PM   #9425
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Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
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Old 11-22-2020, 07:41 AM   #9426
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Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
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Old 11-23-2020, 09:31 AM   #9427
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Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
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Old 11-23-2020, 03:06 PM   #9428
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^ i have to memorise this
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Old 11-24-2020, 05:01 AM   #9429
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Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
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Old 11-25-2020, 12:25 PM   #9430
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I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!
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Old 11-25-2020, 06:00 PM   #9431
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When you give each other everything, it becomes an even trade. Each wins all.
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Old 11-26-2020, 05:07 AM   #9432
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If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
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Old 11-27-2020, 06:40 AM   #9433
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Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
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Old 11-27-2020, 05:33 PM   #9434
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While other children were being vaccinated with syringes, I was vaccinated with a gramophone pen

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Old 11-28-2020, 07:21 AM   #9435
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Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
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