The joke thread II - Page 271

Jimbuna · 02-09-23, 06:27 AM

Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.”

Jimbuna · 02-09-23, 06:29 AM

Just had the following conversation at my local Italian restaurant.

Waitress: Sorry for keeping you waiting sir.
Me: That’s ok. Did you know that this salt pot contains 22,358 individual grains of salt?

Catfish · 02-09-23, 02:15 PM

The CEO of Ikea has been elected President in Sweden.

He expects to have his cabinet together in a couple of hours.

Catfish · 02-09-23, 02:16 PM

Last night a burglar broke into my house but I didn't shoot him.
I just put the red laser dot on his forehead and my cat did the rest.

Jimbuna · 02-10-23, 06:09 AM

Spoke to my family today after my WiFi went down. They seem like nice people.

Jimbuna · 02-10-23, 06:11 AM

Disabled toilets.

Ironically, the only toilets that are big enough to run around in.

Jimbuna · 02-11-23, 04:14 AM

Why is Christmas just like your job?

Because after you do all the work the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Jimbuna · 02-11-23, 04:16 AM

What has four legs and one arm?

A Doberman in a playground

Jimbuna · 02-12-23, 06:58 AM

Just started reading a book about anti-gravity. Its impossible to put down.

Jimbuna · 02-12-23, 06:59 AM

After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night.
I called my dad for advice on how to fix things.
He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong.
I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body.

Jimbuna · 02-13-23, 04:22 AM

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.

Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks.
Husband: What do you mean “if”?

Jimbuna · 02-13-23, 04:24 AM

Went to see my psychiatrist today. I keep having dreams where I’m a famous author working on the the Lords of The Rings Trilogy. He said it sounds like I’ve been Tolkien in my sleep.

Platapus · 02-13-23, 05:29 PM

My wife tried to beat me playing Scrabble

I wooden letter

Jimbuna · 02-16-23, 10:23 AM

I used to have a fear of climbing walls but I’ve finally managed to get over it.

Jimbuna · 02-16-23, 10:24 AM

Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common?
A. One screw out of place and the whole thing falls apart.

02-09-23, 06:27 AM	#4051
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-09-23, 06:29 AM	#4052
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had the following conversation at my local Italian restaurant. Waitress: Sorry for keeping you waiting sir. Me: That’s ok. Did you know that this salt pot contains 22,358 individual grains of salt? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-09-23, 02:15 PM	#4053
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	The CEO of Ikea has been elected President in Sweden. He expects to have his cabinet together in a couple of hours. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

02-09-23, 02:16 PM	#4054
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Last night a burglar broke into my house but I didn't shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead and my cat did the rest. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

02-10-23, 06:09 AM	#4055
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Spoke to my family today after my WiFi went down. They seem like nice people. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-10-23, 06:11 AM	#4056
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets that are big enough to run around in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-23, 04:14 AM	#4057
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why is Christmas just like your job? Because after you do all the work the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-23, 04:16 AM	#4058
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What has four legs and one arm? A Doberman in a playground __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-23, 06:58 AM	#4059
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just started reading a book about anti-gravity. Its impossible to put down. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-23, 06:59 AM	#4060
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night. I called my dad for advice on how to fix things. He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong. I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-23, 04:22 AM	#4061
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following conversation took place between a husband and wife. Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks. Husband: What do you mean “if”? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-23, 04:24 AM	#4062
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to see my psychiatrist today. I keep having dreams where I’m a famous author working on the the Lords of The Rings Trilogy. He said it sounds like I’ve been Tolkien in my sleep. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-23, 05:29 PM	#4063
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife tried to beat me playing Scrabble I wooden letter __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-16-23, 10:23 AM	#4064
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I used to have a fear of climbing walls but I’ve finally managed to get over it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-16-23, 10:24 AM	#4065
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common? A. One screw out of place and the whole thing falls apart. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)