The joke thread II - Page 232

Platapus · 03-11-22, 04:46 PM

A man was convicted of stealing a calendar

He got 12 months

Jimbuna · 03-12-22, 06:31 AM

I met a cartographer who was also a spider.
A: He made web-based maps.

Jeff-Groves · 03-12-22, 02:56 PM

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.
Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Jeff-Groves · 03-12-22, 03:03 PM

Wife got really mad at me today.
I was recreating a Pink Floyd Album Cover with my cereal.
I planned on calling it 'The Dark Side of the Spoon'.

Commander Wallace · 03-12-22, 03:13 PM

^

Jimbuna · 03-13-22, 11:47 AM

My friend is an expert reading maps.
A: He’s a legend.

Jimbuna · 03-14-22, 01:55 PM

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

magic452 · 03-15-22, 01:54 AM

A forty something woman is driving with her overly inquisitive teen age daughter and the girl asks her mom, "Why did you and dad get divorced?" The mom reprimands her and says "That's the kind of personal question that you don't ask people. If someone wants to tell you that, they will do so without being asked. Also, you don't ask questions about people's weight or age, it's just not polite."

The daughter, being a teenager tells her friend about the conversation. The friend tells the girl, "Sneak a look at your mom's driver's license and you will learn all of that information." The daughter does that and using the information off the license confronts her mother and says, "Mom you're 44 years old, weigh 137 pounds and the reason you're divorced is that you got an F in Sex."

Magic

Jimbuna · 03-15-22, 12:50 PM

Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.

Catfish · 03-15-22, 03:36 PM

Putin suddenly dies and goes straight to hell.
However since he behaves and conducts well according to hell's standards he is allowed a leave for a day.
So Putin goes to Moscow, visits a bar and orders a Vodka-Shot. He asks the waiter how things are going on earth.
"Is the Krim ours? "
"It is ours." says the waiter.
Putin: "And Donbas and Kyev?"
Waiter: "Ours."
Putin: "Perfect. How much is it?"
Waiter: "5 Euros."

Jimbuna · 03-16-22, 10:44 AM

Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring.

Platapus · 03-16-22, 04:06 PM

I had to end my relationship with a tennis player

Evidently love meant nothing to her.

Jimbuna · 03-17-22, 09:42 AM

Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don’t like fast food.

Jimbuna · 03-20-22, 02:43 PM

I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!

Jimbuna · 03-21-22, 02:15 PM

My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.

03-11-22, 04:46 PM	#3466
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A man was convicted of stealing a calendar He got 12 months __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-12-22, 06:31 AM	#3467
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I met a cartographer who was also a spider. A: He made web-based maps. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-12-22, 02:56 PM	#3468
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding. Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat? __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

03-12-22, 03:03 PM	#3469
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,321 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	Wife got really mad at me today. I was recreating a Pink Floyd Album Cover with my cereal. I planned on calling it 'The Dark Side of the Spoon'. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

03-13-22, 11:47 AM	#3471
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My friend is an expert reading maps. A: He’s a legend. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-12-22, 03:13 PM	#3470
Commander Wallace Navy Seal Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Under the sea in an Octupus garden in the shade Posts: 5,017 Downloads: 360 Uploads: 0	^

03-14-22, 01:55 PM	#3472
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-22, 01:54 AM	#3473
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	A forty something woman is driving with her overly inquisitive teen age daughter and the girl asks her mom, "Why did you and dad get divorced?" The mom reprimands her and says "That's the kind of personal question that you don't ask people. If someone wants to tell you that, they will do so without being asked. Also, you don't ask questions about people's weight or age, it's just not polite." The daughter, being a teenager tells her friend about the conversation. The friend tells the girl, "Sneak a look at your mom's driver's license and you will learn all of that information." The daughter does that and using the information off the license confronts her mother and says, "Mom you're 44 years old, weigh 137 pounds and the reason you're divorced is that you got an F in Sex." Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

03-15-22, 12:50 PM	#3474
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? A: Because he is always lion. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-22, 03:36 PM	#3475
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Putin suddenly dies and goes straight to hell. However since he behaves and conducts well according to hell's standards he is allowed a leave for a day. So Putin goes to Moscow, visits a bar and orders a Vodka-Shot. He asks the waiter how things are going on earth. "Is the Krim ours? " "It is ours." says the waiter. Putin: "And Donbas and Kyev?" Waiter: "Ours." Putin: "Perfect. How much is it?" Waiter: "5 Euros." __________________ >^..^<)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. Last edited by Catfish; 03-15-22 at 03:46 PM.*

03-16-22, 10:44 AM	#3476
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug? A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-22, 04:06 PM	#3477
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I had to end my relationship with a tennis player Evidently love meant nothing to her. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-17-22, 09:42 AM	#3478
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why do the French eat snails? A: They don’t like fast food. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-20-22, 02:43 PM	#3479
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-21-22, 02:15 PM	#3480
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)