The joke thread II - Page 187

Jimbuna · 02-28-21, 07:21 AM

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat. Where did you get that?" The parrot says, "France—they've got millions of them there."

Jimbuna · 02-28-21, 01:45 PM

A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, "You don't see a dog in here drinking a martini very often." The dog says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised."

Eisenwurst · 02-28-21, 05:33 PM

Saw a gorgeous woman at Mcdonalds spank her child for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

Catfish · 03-01-21, 02:18 AM

^

Jimbuna · 03-01-21, 07:31 AM

A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1.49." The duck replies, "Put it on my bill."

Jimbuna · 03-01-21, 02:17 PM

So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any jobs?" and the bartender says, "Why don't you try the circus?" The dog replies, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"

Catfish · 03-01-21, 04:33 PM

"Doctor, how's that kid doing that swallowed all of those coins?"
"No change yet."

Catfish · 03-01-21, 04:37 PM

Shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Eisenwurst · 03-01-21, 04:59 PM

This guy's wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

He hears a loud thud and goes into the kitchen.

She's dead on the floor.

He panics. "Omg, what do I do??".

Then he remembers.....

Mcdonalds do All Day Breakfast.

Commander Wallace · 03-01-21, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catfish

Shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Good stuff, everyone.

Eisenwurst · 03-01-21, 06:07 PM

There's a cheap hooker that works round the corner from Mcdonalds.

Quarter? Pound her.

Jimbuna · 03-02-21, 06:29 AM

When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. "Believe it or not," I said, "this is for a sick dog." As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, "These are for my cats."

Catfish · 03-02-21, 10:21 AM

If a service dog appoaches you and he is alone, it means the owner can't move and is in trouble.
Follow the dog to get a free wallet.

Catfish · 03-02-21, 10:31 AM

My grandpa has the heart of a lion!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Platapus · 03-02-21, 12:58 PM

My Uncle got arrested for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the safe.

02-28-21, 07:21 AM	#2791
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat. Where did you get that?" The parrot says, "France—they've got millions of them there." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-28-21, 01:45 PM	#2792
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, "You don't see a dog in here drinking a martini very often." The dog says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-28-21, 05:33 PM	#2793
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,631 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Saw a gorgeous woman at Mcdonalds spank her child for throwing his fries on the ground. So I threw my fries on the ground too __________________

03-01-21, 02:18 AM	#2794
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,898 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-01-21, 07:31 AM	#2795
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1.49." The duck replies, "Put it on my bill." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-01-21, 02:17 PM	#2796
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any jobs?" and the bartender says, "Why don't you try the circus?" The dog replies, "Why would the circus need a bartender?" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-01-21, 04:33 PM	#2797
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,898 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	"Doctor, how's that kid doing that swallowed all of those coins?" "No change yet." __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-01-21, 04:37 PM	#2798
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,898 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-01-21, 04:59 PM	#2799
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,631 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	This guy's wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. He hears a loud thud and goes into the kitchen. She's dead on the floor. He panics. "Omg, what do I do??". Then he remembers..... Mcdonalds do All Day Breakfast. __________________

03-01-21, 06:07 PM	#2801
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,631 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	There's a cheap hooker that works round the corner from Mcdonalds. Quarter? Pound her. __________________

03-02-21, 06:29 AM	#2802
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. "Believe it or not," I said, "this is for a sick dog." As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, "These are for my cats." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-02-21, 10:21 AM	#2803
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,898 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	If a service dog appoaches you and he is alone, it means the owner can't move and is in trouble. Follow the dog to get a free wallet. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-02-21, 10:31 AM	#2804
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,898 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	My grandpa has the heart of a lion! And a lifetime ban from the zoo. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-02-21, 12:58 PM	#2805
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My Uncle got arrested for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the safe. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.