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07-24-20, 01:26 PM | #2131 |
Chief of the Boat
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My fat ex-girlfriend recently got a t-shirt saying, ‘I’m a maneater’…
I told her that’s not how you spell manatee!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-25-20, 12:58 PM | #2132 |
Chief of the Boat
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I used to work for a Jewish carpenter.
He used to check my fingers for splinters to make sure I wasn’t stealing.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-25-20, 01:01 PM | #2133 |
Chief of the Boat
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Knocked on my neighbours door and just had the following conversation.
Me: Your son has just run out in front of my car, I nearly killed him!! Neighbour: I’m so sorry, he won’t be doing it again. Me: I know he won’t, the paramedic said he probably won’t walk again.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-26-20, 01:37 PM | #2134 |
Chief of the Boat
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My young daughter asked me this morning.
“Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night, I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream?” “Nothing darling,” I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half shaved head.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-26-20, 01:39 PM | #2135 |
Chief of the Boat
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The following conversation took place between a husband and wife before bed.
Wife: Have you emptied the trash tonight? Husband: Erm no, I’ll do it in the morning. Wife: What about the cat? Husband: I can ask but I think it might be a bit too heavy for him to lift.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-27-20, 01:34 PM | #2136 |
Chief of the Boat
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Did you hear about the Irish metal detector who got trapped after digging a 30 foot hole? Turns out he was wearing steel toecap boots.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-27-20, 01:35 PM | #2137 |
Chief of the Boat
|
My wife just called me.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.” I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-27-20, 06:06 PM | #2138 |
Fleet Admiral
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A ship carrying a cargo of Red and Violet paint struck a small island and sunk
The crew is feared to be marooned.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
07-28-20, 01:50 PM | #2139 |
Chief of the Boat
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I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-28-20, 01:51 PM | #2140 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I want to meet a girl who loves romantic walks because I don’t have a car or any money.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-28-20, 02:33 PM | #2141 |
Village Idiot
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Went to a Lowe's and used my Lowe's account card.
They asked to see a picture ID as usual. "That doesn't look like you!" Since I was wearing face panties? I wasn't surprised. So I used a black marker to draw it on my drivers license. "Ah! OK. Purchase approved!"
__________________
I don't do Stupid. So don't ask. |
07-28-20, 05:21 PM | #2142 |
Fleet Admiral
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My doctor told me that I was color blind
That news came right out of the grey
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
07-29-20, 12:44 PM | #2143 |
Chief of the Boat
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My friend rang me and asked, “What’re you doing at the moment?”
I said, “Probably failing my driving test.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-29-20, 12:46 PM | #2144 |
Chief of the Boat
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When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me.
After a while, my mum said, “Just use a spoon, Steve. You’re not a Jedi.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-30-20, 02:01 PM | #2145 |
Chief of the Boat
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Man: You’re a bit fat aren’t you.
Women: Tell me something I don’t know! Man: Salad taste’s nice.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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