2019 Subsim Fantasy Football Season

[Gut Wrench]

IT'S BACK!
Are you ready for some (make believe) football?

Yes, get ready for 16 of the most frustrating weeks you can ever imagine. It's just 61 days until the kickoff of the 2019 Subsim.com Fantasy Football league.

Draft day is Saturday 31 August, 2019 at 0900 PDT.

Will our defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Australian Pioneers, repeat? Will the best team last year, the Black Cats, extract revenge for being eliminated early? And most importantly, will you be on the field with your team, or just reading about it in the forums?

Invitations are extended to the Subsim Community to join the fracas that is the Subsim.com Fantasy Football league. We are looking to expand with an additional four (4) teams this year.

Click the link to join the fracas.

https://football.fantasysports.yahoo...578792ead3420e

If you've ever wanted to be part of a pretend fantasy empire - this is the year for you (looking at Eichhornchen to add another international team).

There is a guaranteed position for all former players.

Each week, your make believe team goes head to head with other make believe teams, in one of the most coveted make believe stadiums in the world. Put your team and sledging skills to the test as we get ready to play Fantasy Football.

[mr chris]

I would highly recommend this to anyone who is even slightly interested in football. Its one of the things that really bring the football season to life for me. Throwing expletives at the TV screen when your WR doesn't score the TD. It even makes watching a Bengals game interesting.

[Gargamel]

Originally Posted by mr chris

It even makes watching a Bengals game interesting.

That's a stretch.

[Gut Wrench]

DRAFT DAY IS HERE!!!
Are you ready for some (make believe) draft?

I don't know how the Taipans do it. Three planes, two transfers, nineteen timezones, but finally, I have arrived at some of the most spectacular scenery in the world for this years draft.



Fans, I give you the view from my room.



Ayers Rock


This years draft will take place in the convention hall of the Ayers Rock Resort,, almost in the middle of the iconic Australian Commonwealth. Set against the backdrop of the famous Ularu, players will wait at the top of Ayers Rock for the name to be called, and make the climb down the face to the chorus of fans who have filled the auditorium to see their heroes.


(Those that don't get drafted will be airlifted off the rock after dark.)


Join us in just over an hour from now for the most important draft of football....since this same draft last year.


It's still not too late to get in one the conquest to be World Champion.

[Gut Wrench]

Nighthawks Take Off
Gunners Sound Off

Here we go folks, it's Week One in the Subsim Fantasy Football League.

But all the action happened before we even got to week one

After the draft was completed at Ayers Rock, the largest rock in the middle of the Australian continent, there were murmurings, discord, and chatter.

We'll dissect and analyze in such detail, you may not have even heard of some of the issues that have surrounded the week. But before we get to Antonio Brown, this is something else you need to hear.


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Last year it was Le'von Bell, this year, is the Antonio Brown tempter tantrum.

Let's go back over the events that lead to the start of week one.

Brown has taken out a Subsim.com MVP (Most Valuable Torpedo) in each of the last five years, and ended up on the All Star team, was subject of chatter at Draft Day when the Helmand Nighthawks drafted him. Media microphones on top of the rock picked up the following conversations from Brown.

"The Helmand who? I'm not playing for them."

"Give me more money."

"Don't fine me for asking for more money."

"I want a trade away."

And the headline last Saturday; "If I don't get my way, I won't play."

Our Commissioner has intervened on very few matters in the preceding years once the draft is complete. This year was different. Brown recorded the Commissioner's telephone call on the now infamous "secret hotline".

Commissioner: Listen you little prick. The Nighthawks drafted you, you're playing for the Nighthawks until Mister Chris decides that your ass is no longer wanted. Do you understand me?

Brown:Yes sir. I'll fall in line sir. Don't beat me again, sir.

The Commissioner has denied beating Brown with a stick.

After concluding the conversation, the Commissioner placed Brown on the "Physically Unable to Shut the F *** up" List" (PUTSTFU), rendering him ineligible for Week One. The Commissioner called the coach of the Nighthawks to advise of the league decision, to which Mister Chris responded "Eh, I won't need him anyway this week."

Mister Chris was right!

The Nighthawks have owned Week One in the Subsim.com league, and they were our Game of the Week. Last year they were matched up against the Who Dat Nation. This year, they had the Who Dat Nation matched up again, but as the higher finishing team, they were playing again at home in Wembley Stadium, England. The Nighthawks got off to shaky start on Thursday night with Aaron Rodgers (QB), but it was the workhorse load of Cam McCaffrey (RB) that carried the brute force of this legacy team. The Nation had most of their players stacked to play Monday Night and despite Drew Brees (QB) throwing for over 350 yards (again), the 110 point lead that the Nighthawks held before the start of the day was just too much. Not even Drew Brees (QB) final 30 second drive and a career long 58 yards from Will Lutz (K) was enough. The Nation come up short as they attempt to run down the Nighthawks, who end up winning the game 147 - 143.

The furthermost point on the planet away from Wembley, quite possible would be the home field of the Australian Taipans as they hosted the Black Cats. The Cats were making their first opening week trip to Australia and arrived early to get used to the cold. While playing in the snow is not uncommon in the USA, this game was played against the backdrop of devastating bushfires licking the perimeter of the Taipans ground. The Cats drafted Matt Ryan (QB) this year and from early one, Ryan was in trouble. The Vikings (DEF) for the Taipans held Ryan to nothing, until the second to last play of the game. Ryan was able to connect for a touchdown which put him over 300 yards for the day, barely. Would those 12 points come back to haunt the Taipans? You bet they did. The Taipans started the game as underdogs, and their running back combination let them down, while they left almost over 50 points on the bench. While the Taipans were able to claw back into the game, Matt Ryan's (QB) last throw efforts would eventually sink the Taipans in their first home opener. Black Cats win the match 160-152.

Our final game of the week was last years Most Incredible Comeback team of the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners are the historically stronger team but the Monkeys showed everyone last year that they know how to win the regular season - and with some more discipline, they could have potentially swept the league. The Gunners handed the Monkeys one of the few losses last season, and this year, the Gunners were out to cannon their way back to the top of the league. Deandre Hopkins (WR) was the highest scorer the Gunners, but they didn't need to set any records, beating the Monkeys by outscoring them in every position. The Gunners put up the highest score in the league for the week, and it wasn't even close. The Cats get skinned by the Gunners 174-103.

So after Week One - where do we stand?

Half the league is 0-1, the other half is 1-0.

Next week, we come back to the USA as the Who Dat Nation head back to Oregon for their home opener against the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners lead the league in scoring after the first week, but with all those Saints on the Nation, that's an explosive scoring team.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For only the second time, Antonio Brown (WR) is not going to receive the opening week MVT. For the effort of 313 passing yards, 3 touchdowns and 5 rushing yards, for a total score of 36.52 points, the opening weeks MVT goes to Carson Wentz (QB) of the Guns of Hochuli.

[Gut Wrench]

...And Then There Was Only One
Black Cats Only Undefeated

Standby and get ready to hoist sail as Week 2 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League gets underway.

However, once again, we have to go back to the off field drama this week before we can get to the important stuff.

But before we get to that, make sure you get to this.

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Remember how last week the Commissioner put Antonio Brown (WR) of the Helmand Nighthawks on the PUTSTFU list? How we thought that the Commissioner wouldn't go any further and handed the matter over to the Coach of the Nighthawks, Mister Chris?

Don't get on the buss yet, cause there more drama drama unfolding as it was revealed this week, not only could Brown not STFU, he was also unable to put a coherent sentence together to a message to his "friend with benefits", that wasn't his significant other.

The league is still reviewing their "Incoherent Ramblings" policy in relation to Brown, so he was free to play. This week. And play he did. Brown only caught one catch for the Nighthawks as they visited the Black cats for the first of several meetings this year, but it was a blinder - 56 yards. The Nighthawks started their alternate quarter back, Tom Brady who enjoyed throwing the first TD to Brown, who apparently, while running down the sideline, could not keep his mouth shut. Black Cat fans were none too impressed at the "jawing" by Brown, Saquon Barkley (RB) lead the Cats running game while, once again, Julio Jones (WR) proved that that age was no barrier as he caught two (2) receiving touchdowns. Not bad for a guy approaching 400 years of age. For the second week in a row, Black Cats narrowly edge out their opposition, this time the Nighthawks, 155-151, and establish themselves as the league leading undefeated team.

Last year, the dominant team was the Drunk Monkeys. They won everything....well, just about everything, except the second last game of the year which put them into the Consolation final. The Monkeys, as we've reported over the years, are the best damm team to not show up for the league, and it looks like this year will be no exception. After a dominating performance in Week One, the Monkeys returned to their home opener and received a schooling in football from the Australian Taipans. After narrowly being defeated last week, making the long trip over the Pacific, and then crossing the country, the Taipans came to get their defense of the Torpedo Bowl back on track. This game was close, with O'dell Beckham Junior (WR) scoring 34 points late Monday night. Not starting David Njoku (TE) probably cost the Monkeys an unliely win. Australian Taipans narrowly defeat the Drunk Monkeys 146-136.

Our Match of the Day was back in the lush colors of Oregon. The Who Dat Nation after suffering a narrow defeat in Week One, were wanting to ensure their home field advantage came into play. And there was some elements in this game which made the final outcome swing back and forth. The Nations launched a juggernaut with the Patriots (DEF) giving the Nation a handy lead. Coach Casey, renown for their strength of fielding ultra competitive teams that respond to adversity, countered with perhaps the #1 player at their position, Travis Kelsy (TE) scoring 29 points. Unfortunately, a late decision to leave Tyree Hill (WR) on the team despite sustaining an injury at the Wednesday Night Beer Pong tournament, would have put this game out of reach. However, Who Dat Nation starting QB, Drew Brees, cut his finger opening a beer can (the steel type, not the aluminum type) n the sideline after the first exchange, ruling him out of the game. Brees (QB) may be out for some time, but the team had accumulated enough points to get in front of the Gunners. Final score, Who Dat Nation 127 - 116.

Get your calculators out folks, cause here we are in week two with a mess already. Let's run through the table and see if we can give you some clarity.

At the top of the leader board are the Black Cats at 2-0. The own both the league and the significantly harder Sub Simmers division. The Nighthawks, Gunners, Who Dat Nation and Taipans are all 1-1. Its quite possible that each of these four teams will make the playoffs, but it's more likely that one will miss out. (Yes, we are already taking about the playoffs in week 2!) The Drunk Monkeys are 0-2, but, they are only one win away from leveling the field. The combination of the favorite teams running at 1-1 after two weeks hasn't allowed anyone to show up following injuries. The Nation may be the first, having to use their #2 QB, Baker Mayfield, if the beer cut of Brees doesn't heal.

Next week, we head across the continent to the home field of the Guns of Hoculi as they welcome the Helmand Nighthawks to town. Both team are equally positioned in the league but with favorable results in other games, one of these two teams could be the new league leader come Monday night. As always, we'll be there to keep you up to date on all the scores. And as we're learning, anything that Antonio Brown touched.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It's been a while since we've done this. There were some outstanding performances this week, including one from a QB that was super impressive. But, for the first time since Week 6 in 2017, it's not going to be a single player that receives this award. For the effort of 7 sacks, 4 interceptions, 2 defensive touchdowns and 0 points scored, for a total score of 42 points, the week two MVT goes to New England (DEF) of the Who Dat Nation.

[Gut Wrench]

Antonio...You Are Releaved
Black Cats No Longer Undefeated

There is never a shortage of news in the Subsim Fantasy Football league, both on and off the field. We'll go over all the news form around the league that happened at 4.50pm on Friday

But before we get to that, make sure you get to this.

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Antonio Brown thank you for your service, but your services are no longer required.

Recall that last week Brown (WR) caught a touchdown pass, well, this week he's catching the bus to the unemployment line. The Commissioner has taken the situation out of the hands of Mister Chris, Coach of the Helmand Nighthawks by removing him form the league.

"We fell that the league needs to progress in another direction."

Commissioner Pioneer said as he ripped up Brown's contract at 4.50pm last Friday. Brown was retained by the Nighthawks through the weekend but was not scheduled to play. Interestingly, Coach Chris is not searching for a wide receiver, but rather, a Tight End. Does Mister Chris have something else up his sleeve? Let's look at his game this week.

Gunners finally return home to face the Nighthawks. Nighthawks came to play though, bringing their elderly and still in a wheelchair QB, Tom Brady. Brady rolled around the turf in his new electric wheelchair as the running back duo of Cam McCaffrey and Dante Cook just ran over the Gunners. Carson Wenzt (QB) attempted to right the ship but the wide receiving corps failed to score. In the end, the lack of offense by the Guns of Hochuli made for a bitter homecoming as the Nighthawks just ran rough shot over them, setting a the highest score of the year. A nasty slap to the Gunners already has whispers about the Nighthawks being the team to beat this year. In the biggest blow out of the week, Helmand Nighthawks slaughter the Guns of Hochuli 218 - 131.

Our quietest Coach of the year, so far, has been Coach Thad of the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys have historically, not shown up until somewhere between the third and fifth week of the season. Giving up that many potential wins is incredible as they have narrowly lost games with a little more accurate bus schedule, could have gotten them to the game on time. This week is no exception. Monkeys were hosting the Who Dat Nation, who, last week was decimated by an injury to their starting QB, Drew Brees. Coach Fuel for Blood called up their #2, Dak Prescott (QB) to hold the team together while their starter got healthy. Coach Thad though, was in the box seat with Deshawn Watson (QB), but, also like last week, they started their missing TE. Playing a man down, against the Nation, the Drunk Monkeys were never going to get close enough to challenge. Yet another missed opportunity for the Monkeys to steal a win, the Who Dat Nation went all the way and reversed that, rightfully maintaining their dominance. Final score Who Dat Nation defeat the Drunk Monkeys 174 - 114.

If you were watching the broadcast of the Black cats hosting the Australian Taipans, depending on when you changed channel, the end result may come as a surprise for you. Two weeks ago the Cats traveled across the globe and narrowly defeated the Taipans at their home opener. This week, the Taipans return and jumped out to a big lead with Patrick Mahonnes (QB). As they did two weeks ago, the Black Cats did not go down without a purr, as Matt Ryan (QB) made his final pass to Julio Jones (WR) putting Ryan (QB) over 300 yards, and Jones (WR) for 100 yards. With Sequan Barkley (RB) on the team, you would assume that the Cats would just run away, but when Barkley tripped over a ball of yarn, injuring himself, the cats turned to pussies. The Taipans slithered back into the equation, when Keenan Allen (WR) put up career scoring points. The Cats couldn't stop the onslaught and while the score indicates a blow up, this was one of those games that went back and forth. Final score Australian Taipans defeat the Black Cats 189 - 149.

So with three weeks down, the Black Cats loss means that the 72 Dolphins are opening champagne a lot earlier this year, as no team will go undefeated. But, have we got a log jam at the top of the schedule.

The entire Sub Simmers division of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Black Cats and the Who Dat Nation lead the league at 2-1. As if that wasn't a log jam, the Australian Taipans make it a four way tie, with them also being 2-1. The Guns of Hochuli are one game back at 1-2 and the Drunk Monkeys occupy the cellar at 0-3. Remarkably, the Monkeys could be 3-0 but for one player each week.

Next week, we head across the pond to Wembley Stadium for a top of the table battle as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Australian Taipans. The British Isles have not been favorable to the Taipans but with the drama that the Nighthawks have had with Antonio Brown (WR) who knows what disruption that may occur. But we'll be there to cover every play.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Hard to overlook the leading point scoring of the week when you're team puts up the highest score of the year. For the effort of 11 receptions for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 39.20 points, the week Three MVT goes to Cooper Kupp (WR) of the Helmand Nighthawks

[Gut Wrench]

Underdogs Rise
...and nothing But Bad News for Antonio.

Week Four in the Subsim Fantasy Football league, and Vegas is furious. If you were backing all the favorites this week, well, do we have bad news for you. If you were thinking that we'd have no mention of Antonio Brown, well, do we have bad news for you.

Let's get down to the tin tacks and runs those stats across the board and find out what our superstars did this weekend.


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No Antonio, you are not one of the Superstars. As reported last week, Brown (WR) was still on the Permanently Unable to Shut The F!@# Up list with the Helmand Nighthawks, but early in the week, with little to no fan fare, Brown was let go.

Bye bye Antonio.

For those of you that thought that the Helmand Nighthawks were going to miss Antonio Brown, have we got bad news for you. Nighthawks hosted their oceanic counterparts the Australian Taipans in a top of the table battle. The Nighthawks did not enter the game as favorites - which is a little strange given the rivalry of the two teams. Didn't matter to Aaron Rodgers (QB) though who started with his best performance of the year on Thursday night. (I guess Danica Patrick wasn't in town to distract him.) The Taipans had Pat Mahomes (QB) who responded, but not with the same gusto that the Taipans have shown in their previous games. Once again, the Nighthawks had the Patriots (DEF) show up and put up some big points. This game was all over by Monday night, when it looked like Ju Ju Smith - Schuster (WR) would turn the Nighthawks score into a landslide. Smith - Schuster barely showed up, but it's not like the Nighthawks needed it. Nighthawks obliterate the Taipans 184 - 135.

Coach Casey of the Guns of Hochuli has fired the first salvo in their run to the championship, taking on the more highly favored Who Dat Nation. Casey has been quiet in the first few weeks, with their pure mathematical approach. A change of player here, adjusted teams there, just systematically putting together game plans for the opposition. This week their opponents were the Nation who right from the onset had the Nation behind on thew scoreboard. Who Dat Nation fans knew that the game would be close and may have expected Dak Prescott (QB) to produce a game winning driver, but Prescott failed to deliver handing the Gunners a cheap win. Gunners run out clock to beat the Who Dat Nation 149 - 126.

Our third and final game produced our first thriller and rewrite of the season. The Drunk Monkeys, despite being 0-3, were heavily favored to sink the Black Cats alive. Coach Thad has assured the press that the "team is alive". Probably on life support, but there is a pulse. Monkeys Devonte Adams (RB) lead the charge scoring almost 40 points, but it was the star O'dell Beckham who threw a cog into the work only making two catches. This opened the door for the Black cats, who despite leaving Seyqon Barkley (RB) and Greg Kittle (TE) on the advertised team, despite their very publicized auditions for Dancing with The Stars of the Voice for Americas Got Talent Show. Come Monday Night, Coach FYC, who is yet to make an appearance on any field, only needed James Connor (RB) to have a mediocre day in order to win. Black Cats, with their last player on the field, managed to stay in front of the Monkeys to cause the third upset and underdog win of the week. Final score, Black Cats 119 narrowly beat out the Drunk Monkeys 111.

So what does this do for the league as we reason the end of the first quarter of the season? We'll take it apart piece by piece and try and reassemble it into a Subsim format.

The Helmand Nighthawks and the Black Cats have the best record in the league at 3-1 and sit 1-2 in the league, and in their division. The Cats surprising climb above the Who Dat Nation has come without a public appearance of their Coach. If the Cats go much deeper into the season and continue to win without their coach, perhaps that's their winning formula? The Who Dat Nation at 2-2 come in as the #3 seed, meaning, the entire Sub Simmers Division would advance to the play offs if the season were to end now.

Over in the Surface Skimmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli and the Australian Taipans with records equal to the Nation at 2-2, occupy the #4 and the #5 position. The loss by the Taipans dropped them form a countback as the league leader to the #5 position. The Gunners and the Taipans have separated themselves form the Drunk Monkeys, who despite still being win less at 0-4, are only two games out of the chase. Not an unsurmountable task

Next week, we go back to Carolina to see if Coach FYC will make an appearance as the Black Cats host the Guns of Hochuli. With the two teams have an equal record right int e middle of the league, the winner of this game, with some favorable results elsewhere, could elevate themselves to outright leader of the league, or alternatively, drop themselves out of a playoff position into 5th place.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

When you lift your team from being the underdog to being a convincing winner, it's hard to overlook. For the effort of 82 rushing yards, 8 receptions for 83 yards and 1 touchdown, for a total score of 26.5 points, the Week Four MVT goes to James Connor (WR) of the Black Cats.