2023 Subsim Fantasy Football - Page 2

Gut Wrench · 12-12-23, 01:39 AM

FINAL TWO POSITIONS CLINCHED
We don't need no week 15.

Week Fourteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Two positions left to clinch Three teams still in contention. Only one combination could ensure that we not need another week of football to decide the play offs....and we got it.

Let's work out who did what right after we get you to listen to this important message.

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Our match of the day was Banter Brigade hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. This was a pivotal game for both teams. The Nighthawks needed the win and some help to chase the league leader, while the Brigade just needed the win to stay in play off contention. Neither team got the results that they needed, in what was a lop sided affair. The Helmand Nighthawks secure the division with a thumping of the Banter Brigade 169 - 112.

Speaking of thumping's, once again, we look at what could have been as the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Boss Team. The Monkeys, having been eliminates in a previous week, continue to show that they can still be a team to reckon with...if the Coach would just show up. Another lopsided affair as the Monkeys send the Bosses back to England, and out of the play offs. Final score Drunk Monkeys 164 - 70.

With the losses continuing to pile up adversely, there were still two more games that could affect the playoffs. The Black Cats were hosting the Taipans and while the Cats were previously eliminated, they needed to get a repeat win against the Taipans to slow their lead down. Not going to happen. The Taipans came to play and slithered their way to a twelfth win by defeating the Cats 151 - 76.

Final game of the week, and the deciding in the play off spots. In Pearland Texas, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises. The Nation had uncharacteristically been eliminated form the playoffs while the Gunners were trying to secure their playoff berth and potentially elevate themselves. Was never going to happen, and wasn't even close. With no stand out performances, by anyone, this was pretty much a yawn fest as the Who Dat Nation Rises accounts for the Guns of Hochuli 126 - 94.

So even though we have one more week still to play, the final four positions are all locked up. I can't recall when we've had this occur before. Let's run the table and see how inconsequential next weeks games are.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans win the division, and secure the # 1 through the playoffs. If you wanna go to the Torpedo Bowl, you'll have to play in the Australian summer. Four games in arrears, the Guns of Hochuli take second in the division, and secure the #3 seed through the playoffs. The Banter Brigade and the Drunk Monkeys respectively will be catching the short bus to the Consolation games.

In the Sub Simmers division, the Helmand Nighthawks wrap up their division and secure the #2 seed through the play offs. With losses by both the Black Cats and the Banter Brigade, the Bosses secure the #4 seed in the playoffs, leaving their divisional rivals to weep.

Next weeks match of the day is a potential Torpedo Bowl matchup as we go to Wembley where the Helmand Nighthawks are hosting the Austrlaian Taipans. These two teams represent the divisional leaders and while they can neither advance or reduce their play off seeding, the game is a dead rubber for bragging rights.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This week the writers went to a countback of votes to decide. For the effort of 316 yards for 3 TD, 70 rushing yards and a 2 point conversion for a total of 43.64, the Week Fourteen MVT goes to Lamar Jackson (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys.

Gut Wrench · 12-18-23, 11:23 PM

REGULAR SEASON ENDS
Playoff seeding clinched.

Week fifteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and with nothing on the line, we'll get straight to the games, after this short commercial break.

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While the top of the table was about bragging rights, the bottom of the table was where all the action was. In Oregon, the Who Dat Nations Rises, having fallen from grace, were trying to stave off the wooden spoon against the visiting Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys have been the most unluckiest team on the table for several years, with upset wins, gutsy performances, and all done without a coach. Imagine how good they could have been had Coach Thad bothered to show his ass. Coast Fuel For Blood, one time champions of the league, have fallen trying to avoid last place. And to last place they fell. The Monkeys having won the last two in a row, make it three, as they swing the Who Dat Nation by their vines to convincingly win 113 - 96.

In South Carolina, the Black Cats made it two out of two for home team losses when they hosted the Banter Brigade. The Brigade had a stellar day with Devonte Adams (WR) scoring 30 points on Thursday night, and never headed. The Cats curled up in a bundle, even taking points off the board with Denver (DEF) by scoring -2 points. Can't win any games that way, and the Brigade though they could not make the Championship, showed that Coach Anthony is his sophomore year can coach. Final score before the storm hit the east coast, the Banter Brigade defeat the Black Cats 117-79.

The only game of the week that could have changed play off seeding were the Boss Team hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners flew across the pond to become the third visiting team this weekend to get a win. It wasn't that hard, the Bosses sent four fo their players Christmas shopping on match day, almost assuring the Gunners a victory. The Gunners will probably stay in town after defeating the Boss team 133 - 44.

Our match of the day was very interesting, as the Helmand Nighthawks hosted the Australian Taipans. The Nighthawks started slight favorites at home, but as the injuries began to pile up, the Taipans had to swap players, benching Patrick Mahonnes (QB) for Brock Purdy (QB). The Nighthawks let Jared Goff start n another league, opting to keep Jaylen Hurts (QB) who was declared doubtful. Not adding an additional QB, playing their injured QB, the Nighthawks stayed in the game until Monday night when they needed a 40 performance from heir star. After a running touchdown this could have been a close game - but it wasn't, with Hurts, hurting. Making it four losses for the home team this week, the Helmand Nighthawks lost their final regular season game to the Australian Taipans 121 - 108.

With the regular season over, lets run through the divisions and check the seeding.

The Australian Taipans at 13-2 win the Surface Skimmers division and the # seeding through the play offs. The Guns of Hochuli are the second team in the division at 9-6 and secure the #3 seed. The Banter Brigade miss out on the championship bracket at 6-9 and the Drunk Monkeys come in at 5-10.

Over in the Sub Simmers division, the Helmand Nighthawks top the division at 10-5 and secure the #2 seed. Behind them the Boss team are the only sub .500% team to make the playoffs at 7-8. The Who Dat Nation and the Black cats are both at 5-10.

Wait a minute we've got three teams with the same score - countback time. Neither the divisional or league seeds are in contention so it come down to point scored. The Drunk Monkeys jump up from 8th to 5th having scored the most of the three teams, the Who Dat Nation escapes the wooden spoon with the middle score while the Black Cats collect another wooden spoon.

So what does that look like for next week.

The Taipans (#1) get to stay at home in Australian to the Boss team (#4) while the Helmand Nighthawks (#2) get to at home in England to the Guns of Hochuli.

In the consolation series, the Banter brgade (#5) also get to stay at home in England and welcome the Black Cats, while the last game surge sees the Drunk Monkeys (#5) hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises in the only USA based game. Wow!

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Coming off the bench, for the score of 284 yards and 4 touchdowns, for a score of 33.68 points, the Week Fifteen MVT goes to Brock Purdy (QB) of the Australian Taipans.

Gut Wrench · 12-26-23, 02:15 AM

SANTA DOESN'T BRING PLAYOFF CLARITY.
Confused? So is the league!

Week sixteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League , and we're just as confused as you. Team we thought were good, weren't. Teams we thought were bad, weren't. There was Friday football, Saturday football, and three Monday games which made the whole week, just as confusing as gifts without name tags.

We'll give you the clarity, right after we give you this message.

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Let's start in England, where we had two play off games being hosted.

In Twickenham, the fifth seeded Banter Brigade were hosting the eighty seed Black Cats. In their second season the Brigade have shown up and shown that they cat run with the big teams. However, the Black Cats are a former Torpedo Bowl champion, and while they finished the season on count back as the lowest ranked seed, anything can happen int he playoffs, and usually does. The Cats receiving corp finally showed up and had a field day through the air, making up for their missing running back. The Brigade, while their ground game put up almost 50 points on their own, were reminded why this is a team sport, as they got rolled at home. Looking to close out the season in the #5 position, the Brigade will need a rescue next come away without the wooden spoon. Final score, and a shock upset, the Banter Brigade loose to the Cats 137 - 104.

Our second game in England saw the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Guns of Hochuli. These are both former Torpedo Bowl Champions, so we expected big things from this game. The Nighthawks, having a disastrous start to the season, stormed through the field to finish int he #2 seed, and today , they showed why, putting up the highest winning score of the week end. And this one wasn't even close folks. The Nighthawks dismantled the armory of the Gunners, despite starting Green Bay (DEF) who only scored one point. The Gunners, even with Cam McCaffrey (RB) misfired in all aspects, and succumbed to wounds long before the final whistle was rung. Asserting their dominance, and showing why they hold the most championships, the Helmand Nighthawks dominate the Guns of Hochuli 172 - 117.

In the only game played on American soil this weekend, if you could call if a game, the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises. IN any week, the Monkeys are the best damm team who almost could have won, and this week was a repeat of that experience. The Who Dat Nation, once a power house team, this year on the verge of winning last place, came to town and spanked the Monkeys. This was another game where the receiving corp put up spectacular numbers, over 90 points, and the Monkeys just didn't have enough players on the field to run them down. This could have been so much more of a closer game, but it wasn't to be. In the second game of the weekend where the visiting team beat the higher seeded team the Who Dat Nation Rises easily account for the Drunk Monkeys 156 - 124.

In the most confusing game of the weekend, the #1 seeded Australian Taipans were hosting the Boss team. The Taipans were heavily favored in this lopsided affair, until they took the field and have three players receive injuries on their first play, doing their best Aaron Rodgers (QB) imitation. Down two receivers and a kicker, the Taipans managed to limp along. the Boss team, even with Yoo (K) Putting up 19 points on their own, had the opportunity to steal the win and send the Taipans crashing out of the Championship game for the second year in a row. The Bosses failed to start a quarterback and a running back - and still managed to put up a score which scared the Taipans until late on Monday night. In their worst win of the year, confusing their Championship hopes, the Australian Taipans hold on, barely, to defeat the Bosses 107 - 94.

So that sets up the following games for the last weekend of the year.

The Australian Taipans after limping past the Bosses, get to stay at home and host the red hot Helmand Nighthawks in Australia. Weather condition for next weekend could decide the game, int he last two days the Taipans home ground has been hot, hail the size of baseballs, and flooding. The Nighthawks, though the #2 team, will start out as favorites. In Pearland, Texas, the Guns of Hochuli will host the Banter Brigade for the bronze medal.

In the Consolation series, the #7 and the #8 seeds will be fighting it out for the fifth place position. The Who Dat Nation surprisingly get a playoff game and host the Black Cats. The final game of the weekend will see the Banter Brigade hosting the Drunk Monkeys, to decide the wooden spoon.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In our single week highest individual score of the year, for the effort of 11 receptions for 265 yards, 2 receiving touchdowns and a 2 point conversion, for a score of 57.50 points, the Week Sixteen MVT goes to Amari Cooper (WR) of the Who Dat Nation Rises.

Gut Wrench · 01-01-24, 08:51 PM

AUSTRALIAN TAIPANS WIN CLOSE CHAMPIONSHIP
Best Final in Years.

Week seventeen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and if you're looking for a Monday night game, you as big a dumbass as me. I'm sitting here with the draft of this weeks column for 24 hours not realizing the games are over, and we have a champion.

We'll go around the grounds one final time this year, right after this message.

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We'll start at the bottom and work our way up.

In the race for the 7th place, the sophomore team of the Banter Brigade were hosting the Drunk Monkeys in England. The Banter finished out the regular season as the 5th place team, on a count back. They lost the first game of the playoffs and welcomed the Drunk Monkeys to town. The Monkeys, the epitome of "so close, so far" in the league, came to play. After getting rolled the previous week, they were having none of it this week as Lamar Jackson (QB) and Ceedee Lamb (WR) combined for over a 100 points on their own. The Banter playing a man down with no QB, put up a valiant effort with Najee Harris (RB) scoring 30 points, but it was always going to be the Monkeys on this one. In perhaps the most outstanding performance of the playoffs, and the regular season, the Drunk Monkeys exceed all expectations, and thump the Banter Brigade 175 - 122.

In the closest scoring game of the final weekend, the Who Dat Nation Rises welcomed the Black Cats to town. Two prior Torpedo Bowl Champions battled it out in a slug fest in Oregon with a combined three players not suiting up for the game - all from Florida State University (too soon?) Amon St Brown (WR) was the best performer of the Black Cats but it was Kyle Pitts (TE) lowly 1.5 points which gave the victory to the Nation. With the Eugene Weekly newspaper having gone bankrupt this week from employee extortion, there is no one other than us to tell you that the final score was Who Dat Nation Rises defeated the Black Cats 88 - 81.

Back in England again, the Boss team were hosting the Guns of Hochuli. Both teams were unlucky in the prior week and were playing off for the bronze medal. The Gunners came to town, the only one of these two teams having won a championship previously, and they showed why. Again, even with both teams playing men (multiples) down, Travis Entinee (RB) of the Bosses still put up 31 points, almost half of the entire team. The Gunners methodically fired away across the full range and were able to whittle the lead, even with Christian McCafferery (RB) only scoring 13 points. The Guns of Hochuli arrive wounded by winning the bronze medal with a score of 82 - 72 over the Boss team.

And now the championship game.

Two teams that had very different paths into the championship game. The Taipans, who carried no less than five (5) running backs all year, lead the league from week two and it wasn't until the first week of the playoffs that they truly struggled. Having made their way of the first round they lost three (3) stars to injury and had to go to the waiver wire. Contrast this to the Nighthawks who had a dismal start to the season, and didn't get their first win until week four. From the bottom of the ladder they stormed their way through the league, secured the division and the #2 seed and were marching on to victory. The Nighthawks started the week as favorites in a back and forth game, the lead changing alone four (4) in Thursday night. This was a wild shootout folks, Brandon Aiyuk (WR) scoring 30 points for the Nighthawks, Kyree Williams (RB) matching him for the Taipans. Both teams exceeded their forecast points, but there would always be one, one player who would come through and provide the difference in this game. This game was so close it ran into Sunday night where the Nighthawks could still win, but the damage had been done by DJ Moore (WR) for the Taipans. In the best championship game of the last few years, the Australian Taipans secure the Torpedo Bowl championship with a 171 - 147 win over the Helmand Nighthawks.

Congratulations to all the teams, the coaches, and to the players who frustrated the hell out of us for the past seventeen weeks.

Tomorrow morning, we'll announce our All Star team, with special tribute in their name.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It would have been easy to take one of the players form the Championship game, but is was down in the trenches that the true gutsy effort was made. For the effort of 321 yards and 5 touchdowns, and 32 rushing yards,, for a score of 51.84 points, the Week Seventeen MVT goes to Lamar Jackson (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys.

Gut Wrench · 01-02-24, 01:37 PM

ALL STAR TEAM NAMED
Who's name will grace the honor board?

The season is over, we have a new Torpedo Bowl Champions, and now it is time to recognize the best of those players that made up the league. Last year we had all the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) select the same honoree. Not so this year. This year the honoree's came from all walks of life. While we don't regularly reveal who didn't make this list, some notables this year were David McCullum, Henry Kissinger and Raquel Welsh.

However, we went with someone who has crossed the generations with their voice.

Ladies and gentlemen, announcing this years all star team, the Tony Bennett Crooners.

QB - Josh Allen (Guns of Hochuli)

WR - Cee Dee Lamb (Drunk Monkeys) Tyree Hill (Boss team) Amon Saint Brown (Black Cats) )

RB - Christian McCaffrey (Guns of Hochuli) Kyren Williams (Australian Taipans)

TE - Travis Kelce (Helmand Nighthawks)

K - Brandon Aubrey (Helmand Nighthawks)

DEF -Baltimore (Helmand Nighthawks)

BENCH - Jaylen Hurts (Helmand Nighthawks), AJ Brown (Banter Brigade), Breece Hall (Helmand Nighthawks) Sam La Porta (Banter Brigade) Jake Elliott (Australian Taipans) and Cincinnati (Who Dat Nation Rises)

That's a wrap for the year folks. We'll see you back here around July 4th when we announce the next season. Till then, may all your fantasy players score big.

12-12-23, 01:39 AM	#16
Gut Wrench Chief Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 321 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	2023 Subsim Fantasy Footbal FINAL TWO POSITIONS CLINCHED We don't need no week 15. Week Fourteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Two positions left to clinch Three teams still in contention. Only one combination could ensure that we not need another week of football to decide the play offs....and we got it. Let's work out who did what right after we get you to listen to this important message. DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM. Our match of the day was Banter Brigade hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. This was a pivotal game for both teams. The Nighthawks needed the win and some help to chase the league leader, while the Brigade just needed the win to stay in play off contention. Neither team got the results that they needed, in what was a lop sided affair. The Helmand Nighthawks secure the division with a thumping of the Banter Brigade 169 - 112. Speaking of thumping's, once again, we look at what could have been as the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Boss Team. The Monkeys, having been eliminates in a previous week, continue to show that they can still be a team to reckon with...if the Coach would just show up. Another lopsided affair as the Monkeys send the Bosses back to England, and out of the play offs. Final score Drunk Monkeys 164 - 70. With the losses continuing to pile up adversely, there were still two more games that could affect the playoffs. The Black Cats were hosting the Taipans and while the Cats were previously eliminated, they needed to get a repeat win against the Taipans to slow their lead down. Not going to happen. The Taipans came to play and slithered their way to a twelfth win by defeating the Cats 151 - 76. Final game of the week, and the deciding in the play off spots. In Pearland Texas, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises. The Nation had uncharacteristically been eliminated form the playoffs while the Gunners were trying to secure their playoff berth and potentially elevate themselves. Was never going to happen, and wasn't even close. With no stand out performances, by anyone, this was pretty much a yawn fest as the Who Dat Nation Rises accounts for the Guns of Hochuli 126 - 94. So even though we have one more week still to play, the final four positions are all locked up. I can't recall when we've had this occur before. Let's run the table and see how inconsequential next weeks games are. In the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans win the division, and secure the # 1 through the playoffs. If you wanna go to the Torpedo Bowl, you'll have to play in the Australian summer. Four games in arrears, the Guns of Hochuli take second in the division, and secure the #3 seed through the playoffs. The Banter Brigade and the Drunk Monkeys respectively will be catching the short bus to the Consolation games. In the Sub Simmers division, the Helmand Nighthawks wrap up their division and secure the #2 seed through the play offs. With losses by both the Black Cats and the Banter Brigade, the Bosses secure the #4 seed in the playoffs, leaving their divisional rivals to weep. Next weeks match of the day is a potential Torpedo Bowl matchup as we go to Wembley where the Helmand Nighthawks are hosting the Austrlaian Taipans. These two teams represent the divisional leaders and while they can neither advance or reduce their play off seeding, the game is a dead rubber for bragging rights. Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. This week the writers went to a countback of votes to decide. For the effort of 316 yards for 3 TD, 70 rushing yards and a 2 point conversion for a total of 43.64, the Week Fourteen MVT goes to Lamar Jackson (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys.

12-18-23, 11:23 PM	#17
Gut Wrench Chief Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 321 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	REGULAR SEASON ENDS Playoff seeding clinched. Week fifteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and with nothing on the line, we'll get straight to the games, after this short commercial break. DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM. While the top of the table was about bragging rights, the bottom of the table was where all the action was. In Oregon, the Who Dat Nations Rises, having fallen from grace, were trying to stave off the wooden spoon against the visiting Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys have been the most unluckiest team on the table for several years, with upset wins, gutsy performances, and all done without a coach. Imagine how good they could have been had Coach Thad bothered to show his ass. Coast Fuel For Blood, one time champions of the league, have fallen trying to avoid last place. And to last place they fell. The Monkeys having won the last two in a row, make it three, as they swing the Who Dat Nation by their vines to convincingly win 113 - 96. In South Carolina, the Black Cats made it two out of two for home team losses when they hosted the Banter Brigade. The Brigade had a stellar day with Devonte Adams (WR) scoring 30 points on Thursday night, and never headed. The Cats curled up in a bundle, even taking points off the board with Denver (DEF) by scoring -2 points. Can't win any games that way, and the Brigade though they could not make the Championship, showed that Coach Anthony is his sophomore year can coach. Final score before the storm hit the east coast, the Banter Brigade defeat the Black Cats 117-79. The only game of the week that could have changed play off seeding were the Boss Team hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners flew across the pond to become the third visiting team this weekend to get a win. It wasn't that hard, the Bosses sent four fo their players Christmas shopping on match day, almost assuring the Gunners a victory. The Gunners will probably stay in town after defeating the Boss team 133 - 44. Our match of the day was very interesting, as the Helmand Nighthawks hosted the Australian Taipans. The Nighthawks started slight favorites at home, but as the injuries began to pile up, the Taipans had to swap players, benching Patrick Mahonnes (QB) for Brock Purdy (QB). The Nighthawks let Jared Goff start n another league, opting to keep Jaylen Hurts (QB) who was declared doubtful. Not adding an additional QB, playing their injured QB, the Nighthawks stayed in the game until Monday night when they needed a 40 performance from heir star. After a running touchdown this could have been a close game - but it wasn't, with Hurts, hurting. Making it four losses for the home team this week, the Helmand Nighthawks lost their final regular season game to the Australian Taipans 121 - 108. With the regular season over, lets run through the divisions and check the seeding. The Australian Taipans at 13-2 win the Surface Skimmers division and the # seeding through the play offs. The Guns of Hochuli are the second team in the division at 9-6 and secure the #3 seed. The Banter Brigade miss out on the championship bracket at 6-9 and the Drunk Monkeys come in at 5-10. Over in the Sub Simmers division, the Helmand Nighthawks top the division at 10-5 and secure the #2 seed. Behind them the Boss team are the only sub .500% team to make the playoffs at 7-8. The Who Dat Nation and the Black cats are both at 5-10. Wait a minute we've got three teams with the same score - countback time. Neither the divisional or league seeds are in contention so it come down to point scored. The Drunk Monkeys jump up from 8th to 5th having scored the most of the three teams, the Who Dat Nation escapes the wooden spoon with the middle score while the Black Cats collect another wooden spoon. So what does that look like for next week. The Taipans (#1) get to stay at home in Australian to the Boss team (#4) while the Helmand Nighthawks (#2) get to at home in England to the Guns of Hochuli. In the consolation series, the Banter brgade (#5) also get to stay at home in England and welcome the Black Cats, while the last game surge sees the Drunk Monkeys (#5) hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises in the only USA based game. Wow! Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. Coming off the bench, for the score of 284 yards and 4 touchdowns, for a score of 33.68 points, the Week Fifteen MVT goes to Brock Purdy (QB) of the Australian Taipans.

12-26-23, 02:15 AM	#18
Gut Wrench Chief Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 321 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	SANTA DOESN'T BRING PLAYOFF CLARITY. Confused? So is the league! Week sixteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League , and we're just as confused as you. Team we thought were good, weren't. Teams we thought were bad, weren't. There was Friday football, Saturday football, and three Monday games which made the whole week, just as confusing as gifts without name tags. We'll give you the clarity, right after we give you this message. DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM. Let's start in England, where we had two play off games being hosted. In Twickenham, the fifth seeded Banter Brigade were hosting the eighty seed Black Cats. In their second season the Brigade have shown up and shown that they cat run with the big teams. However, the Black Cats are a former Torpedo Bowl champion, and while they finished the season on count back as the lowest ranked seed, anything can happen int he playoffs, and usually does. The Cats receiving corp finally showed up and had a field day through the air, making up for their missing running back. The Brigade, while their ground game put up almost 50 points on their own, were reminded why this is a team sport, as they got rolled at home. Looking to close out the season in the #5 position, the Brigade will need a rescue next come away without the wooden spoon. Final score, and a shock upset, the Banter Brigade loose to the Cats 137 - 104. Our second game in England saw the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Guns of Hochuli. These are both former Torpedo Bowl Champions, so we expected big things from this game. The Nighthawks, having a disastrous start to the season, stormed through the field to finish int he #2 seed, and today , they showed why, putting up the highest winning score of the week end. And this one wasn't even close folks. The Nighthawks dismantled the armory of the Gunners, despite starting Green Bay (DEF) who only scored one point. The Gunners, even with Cam McCaffrey (RB) misfired in all aspects, and succumbed to wounds long before the final whistle was rung. Asserting their dominance, and showing why they hold the most championships, the Helmand Nighthawks dominate the Guns of Hochuli 172 - 117. In the only game played on American soil this weekend, if you could call if a game, the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises. IN any week, the Monkeys are the best damm team who almost could have won, and this week was a repeat of that experience. The Who Dat Nation, once a power house team, this year on the verge of winning last place, came to town and spanked the Monkeys. This was another game where the receiving corp put up spectacular numbers, over 90 points, and the Monkeys just didn't have enough players on the field to run them down. This could have been so much more of a closer game, but it wasn't to be. In the second game of the weekend where the visiting team beat the higher seeded team the Who Dat Nation Rises easily account for the Drunk Monkeys 156 - 124. In the most confusing game of the weekend, the #1 seeded Australian Taipans were hosting the Boss team. The Taipans were heavily favored in this lopsided affair, until they took the field and have three players receive injuries on their first play, doing their best Aaron Rodgers (QB) imitation. Down two receivers and a kicker, the Taipans managed to limp along. the Boss team, even with Yoo (K) Putting up 19 points on their own, had the opportunity to steal the win and send the Taipans crashing out of the Championship game for the second year in a row. The Bosses failed to start a quarterback and a running back - and still managed to put up a score which scared the Taipans until late on Monday night. In their worst win of the year, confusing their Championship hopes, the Australian Taipans hold on, barely, to defeat the Bosses 107 - 94. So that sets up the following games for the last weekend of the year. The Australian Taipans after limping past the Bosses, get to stay at home and host the red hot Helmand Nighthawks in Australia. Weather condition for next weekend could decide the game, int he last two days the Taipans home ground has been hot, hail the size of baseballs, and flooding. The Nighthawks, though the #2 team, will start out as favorites. In Pearland, Texas, the Guns of Hochuli will host the Banter Brigade for the bronze medal. In the Consolation series, the #7 and the #8 seeds will be fighting it out for the fifth place position. The Who Dat Nation surprisingly get a playoff game and host the Black Cats. The final game of the weekend will see the Banter Brigade hosting the Drunk Monkeys, to decide the wooden spoon. Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. In our single week highest individual score of the year, for the effort of 11 receptions for 265 yards, 2 receiving touchdowns and a 2 point conversion, for a score of 57.50 points, the Week Sixteen MVT goes to Amari Cooper (WR) of the Who Dat Nation Rises.

01-01-24, 08:51 PM	#19
Gut Wrench Chief Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 321 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	AUSTRALIAN TAIPANS WIN CLOSE CHAMPIONSHIP Best Final in Years. Week seventeen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and if you're looking for a Monday night game, you as big a dumbass as me. I'm sitting here with the draft of this weeks column for 24 hours not realizing the games are over, and we have a champion. We'll go around the grounds one final time this year, right after this message. DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM. We'll start at the bottom and work our way up. In the race for the 7th place, the sophomore team of the Banter Brigade were hosting the Drunk Monkeys in England. The Banter finished out the regular season as the 5th place team, on a count back. They lost the first game of the playoffs and welcomed the Drunk Monkeys to town. The Monkeys, the epitome of "so close, so far" in the league, came to play. After getting rolled the previous week, they were having none of it this week as Lamar Jackson (QB) and Ceedee Lamb (WR) combined for over a 100 points on their own. The Banter playing a man down with no QB, put up a valiant effort with Najee Harris (RB) scoring 30 points, but it was always going to be the Monkeys on this one. In perhaps the most outstanding performance of the playoffs, and the regular season, the Drunk Monkeys exceed all expectations, and thump the Banter Brigade 175 - 122. In the closest scoring game of the final weekend, the Who Dat Nation Rises welcomed the Black Cats to town. Two prior Torpedo Bowl Champions battled it out in a slug fest in Oregon with a combined three players not suiting up for the game - all from Florida State University (too soon?) Amon St Brown (WR) was the best performer of the Black Cats but it was Kyle Pitts (TE) lowly 1.5 points which gave the victory to the Nation. With the Eugene Weekly newspaper having gone bankrupt this week from employee extortion, there is no one other than us to tell you that the final score was Who Dat Nation Rises defeated the Black Cats 88 - 81. Back in England again, the Boss team were hosting the Guns of Hochuli. Both teams were unlucky in the prior week and were playing off for the bronze medal. The Gunners came to town, the only one of these two teams having won a championship previously, and they showed why. Again, even with both teams playing men (multiples) down, Travis Entinee (RB) of the Bosses still put up 31 points, almost half of the entire team. The Gunners methodically fired away across the full range and were able to whittle the lead, even with Christian McCafferery (RB) only scoring 13 points. The Guns of Hochuli arrive wounded by winning the bronze medal with a score of 82 - 72 over the Boss team. And now the championship game. Two teams that had very different paths into the championship game. The Taipans, who carried no less than five (5) running backs all year, lead the league from week two and it wasn't until the first week of the playoffs that they truly struggled. Having made their way of the first round they lost three (3) stars to injury and had to go to the waiver wire. Contrast this to the Nighthawks who had a dismal start to the season, and didn't get their first win until week four. From the bottom of the ladder they stormed their way through the league, secured the division and the #2 seed and were marching on to victory. The Nighthawks started the week as favorites in a back and forth game, the lead changing alone four (4) in Thursday night. This was a wild shootout folks, Brandon Aiyuk (WR) scoring 30 points for the Nighthawks, Kyree Williams (RB) matching him for the Taipans. Both teams exceeded their forecast points, but there would always be one, one player who would come through and provide the difference in this game. This game was so close it ran into Sunday night where the Nighthawks could still win, but the damage had been done by DJ Moore (WR) for the Taipans. In the best championship game of the last few years, the Australian Taipans secure the Torpedo Bowl championship with a 171 - 147 win over the Helmand Nighthawks. Congratulations to all the teams, the coaches, and to the players who frustrated the hell out of us for the past seventeen weeks. Tomorrow morning, we'll announce our All Star team, with special tribute in their name. Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. It would have been easy to take one of the players form the Championship game, but is was down in the trenches that the true gutsy effort was made. For the effort of 321 yards and 5 touchdowns, and 32 rushing yards,, for a score of 51.84 points, the Week Seventeen MVT goes to Lamar Jackson (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys.

01-02-24, 01:37 PM	#20
Gut Wrench Chief Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 321 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	ALL STAR TEAM NAMED Who's name will grace the honor board? The season is over, we have a new Torpedo Bowl Champions, and now it is time to recognize the best of those players that made up the league. Last year we had all the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) select the same honoree. Not so this year. This year the honoree's came from all walks of life. While we don't regularly reveal who didn't make this list, some notables this year were David McCullum, Henry Kissinger and Raquel Welsh. However, we went with someone who has crossed the generations with their voice. Ladies and gentlemen, announcing this years all star team, the Tony Bennett Crooners. QB - Josh Allen (Guns of Hochuli) WR - Cee Dee Lamb (Drunk Monkeys) Tyree Hill (Boss team) Amon Saint Brown (Black Cats) ) RB - Christian McCaffrey (Guns of Hochuli) Kyren Williams (Australian Taipans) TE - Travis Kelce (Helmand Nighthawks) K - Brandon Aubrey (Helmand Nighthawks) DEF -Baltimore (Helmand Nighthawks) BENCH - Jaylen Hurts (Helmand Nighthawks), AJ Brown (Banter Brigade), Breece Hall (Helmand Nighthawks) Sam La Porta (Banter Brigade) Jake Elliott (Australian Taipans) and Cincinnati (Who Dat Nation Rises) That's a wrap for the year folks. We'll see you back here around July 4th when we announce the next season. Till then, may all your fantasy players score big.