The joke thread II - Page 122

Jimbuna · 05-15-20, 06:15 AM

Just told my wife I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she’s been seeing a psychiatrist, a bartender and two plumbers.

Col7777 · 05-15-20, 06:31 AM

Single woman with hand sanitizer would like to meet a single man with toilet rolls for good clean fun.

Jimbuna · 05-16-20, 04:08 AM

Feeling quite depressed. Gave my friend £10’000 for plastic surgery but now I don’t know what he looks like.

Jimbuna · 05-16-20, 04:09 AM

My wife is really beginning to annoy me. I took her out for a meal yesterday and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, double whopper with cheese!

Col7777 · 05-16-20, 04:14 AM

Unable to find toothpaste due to empty shelves, I decided to chew on my dog's toy bone instead... Now my mouth is squeaky clean.

Platapus · 05-16-20, 06:46 AM

I never had it easy. It started when I was born.
After the Doctor slapped me, I found out that the nurses got in a few themselves.

Platapus · 05-16-20, 06:55 AM

I finally made the decision to join Alcoholics Anonymous.

I still drink, I just use a different name

Platapus · 05-16-20, 07:20 AM

Growing up was tough.

I asked my father if I could ice skate on the frozen lake by our house.

He told me to wait until it got a little warmer.

Jimbuna · 05-17-20, 05:18 AM

Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’.

Jimbuna · 05-17-20, 05:20 AM

My doctor is such an idiot. He recently told me I need to loose weight and recommended I start eating apples instead of potato chips, I’m pretty sure apples weigh more.

Platapus · 05-17-20, 05:40 AM

My wife tells me I am the sunshine of her life

She told me that every time she looks at me, her eyes start to hurt.

Col7777 · 05-17-20, 07:48 AM

Asked a young girl in the shop today what's a good product to kill Coronavirus on worktops , she said "Ammonia Cleaner" I said sorry love I thought you worked here.

Platapus · 05-17-20, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Col7777

Asked a young girl in the shop today what's a good product to kill Coronavirus on worktops , she said "Ammonia Cleaner" I said sorry love I thought you worked here.

that's another one that I am sure is very clever, but I can't understand it. Is it a dialect joke?

Jeff-Groves · 05-17-20, 10:29 AM

I'm only a cleaner

Col7777 · 05-17-20, 02:00 PM

Thanks for the above Jeff.

A simple one:

I once made a belt out of watches... Total waist of time.

05-15-20, 06:15 AM	#1816
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just told my wife I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she’s been seeing a psychiatrist, a bartender and two plumbers. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-15-20, 06:31 AM	#1817
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	Single woman with hand sanitizer would like to meet a single man with toilet rolls for good clean fun. __________________ Silent and Violent

05-16-20, 04:08 AM	#1818
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Feeling quite depressed. Gave my friend £10’000 for plastic surgery but now I don’t know what he looks like. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-16-20, 04:09 AM	#1819
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife is really beginning to annoy me. I took her out for a meal yesterday and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, double whopper with cheese! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-16-20, 04:14 AM	#1820
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	Unable to find toothpaste due to empty shelves, I decided to chew on my dog's toy bone instead... Now my mouth is squeaky clean. __________________ Silent and Violent

05-16-20, 06:46 AM	#1821
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I never had it easy. It started when I was born. After the Doctor slapped me, I found out that the nurses got in a few themselves. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-16-20, 06:55 AM	#1822
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I finally made the decision to join Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink, I just use a different name __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-16-20, 07:20 AM	#1823
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Growing up was tough. I asked my father if I could ice skate on the frozen lake by our house. He told me to wait until it got a little warmer. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-17-20, 05:18 AM	#1824
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-17-20, 05:20 AM	#1825
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My doctor is such an idiot. He recently told me I need to loose weight and recommended I start eating apples instead of potato chips, I’m pretty sure apples weigh more. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-17-20, 05:40 AM	#1826
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife tells me I am the sunshine of her life She told me that every time she looks at me, her eyes start to hurt. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-17-20, 07:48 AM	#1827
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	Asked a young girl in the shop today what's a good product to kill Coronavirus on worktops , she said "Ammonia Cleaner" I said sorry love I thought you worked here. __________________ Silent and Violent

05-17-20, 10:29 AM	#1829
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,319 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	I'm only a cleaner __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

05-17-20, 02:00 PM	#1830
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	Thanks for the above Jeff. A simple one: I once made a belt out of watches... Total waist of time. __________________ Silent and Violent