The joke thread II - Page 245

Jeff-Groves · 07-24-22, 02:21 PM

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the White House.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord.
It read: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Jimbuna · 07-25-22, 07:54 AM

You know there's no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.

Jimbuna · 07-25-22, 02:19 PM

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Jimbuna · 07-26-22, 01:30 PM

How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed.

Jimbuna · 07-27-22, 11:19 AM

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Jimbuna · 07-28-22, 11:17 AM

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I'm dressing.

magic452 · 07-29-22, 12:40 AM

Vladimer Putin is in a Russian school giving a speech to the students. At the end of the speech he says he will take questions. A girl name Sasha asks, "Mr. Putin, why did we invade Ukraine?" Before he can answer, the lunch bell rings and the teacher says the questions will continue after lunch. When the class is back a student named Boris says, "I have four questions. Why did we invade Ukraine? Why is the war taking so long? Why did the lunch bell ring 20 minutes early? Where is Sasha?"

Magic

Jimbuna · 07-29-22, 07:02 AM

"I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Jimbuna · 07-30-22, 01:11 PM

I used to be addicted to soap.

But I'm clean now.

Jimbuna · 07-31-22, 07:00 AM

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

Jimbuna · 08-01-22, 07:11 AM

Why is England the wettest country?

Because the queen has reigned there for decades.

Jimbuna · 08-01-22, 01:00 PM

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

Jimbuna · 08-03-22, 11:04 AM

A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

Platapus · 08-03-22, 03:13 PM

I forgot how to throw a boomerang

But it came back to me

Jimbuna · 08-04-22, 09:12 AM

And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

07-24-22, 02:21 PM	#3661
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,320 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the White House. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It read: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

07-25-22, 07:54 AM	#3662
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You know there's no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-25-22, 02:19 PM	#3663
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-26-22, 01:30 PM	#3664
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-27-22, 11:19 AM	#3665
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-28-22, 11:17 AM	#3666
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-29-22, 12:40 AM	#3667
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Vladimer Putin is in a Russian school giving a speech to the students. At the end of the speech he says he will take questions. A girl name Sasha asks, "Mr. Putin, why did we invade Ukraine?" Before he can answer, the lunch bell rings and the teacher says the questions will continue after lunch. When the class is back a student named Boris says, "I have four questions. Why did we invade Ukraine? Why is the war taking so long? Why did the lunch bell ring 20 minutes early? Where is Sasha?" Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

07-29-22, 07:02 AM	#3668
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-30-22, 01:11 PM	#3669
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-31-22, 07:00 AM	#3670
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-01-22, 07:11 AM	#3671
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for decades. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-01-22, 01:00 PM	#3672
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-03-22, 11:04 AM	#3673
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-03-22, 03:13 PM	#3674
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I forgot how to throw a boomerang But it came back to me __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-04-22, 09:12 AM	#3675
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)