The joke thread II - Page 195

Platapus · 04-19-21, 04:48 PM

Word of the day: Airgasam

That feeling you get when you take off your mask and take that first deep breath of cool air

Jimbuna · 04-21-21, 07:24 AM

Just before Easter I remarked to my wife that, with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn't dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt. "That's all right, honey," she said. "We can just hide each other's vitamin pills."

Platapus · 04-21-21, 06:17 PM

I went to a beautiful wedding. It affected us all. Even the wedding cake was in tiers

Platapus · 04-21-21, 06:18 PM

A rancher counted 196 head of cattle when they were out on the range, but when he rounded them up, he had 200

Jimbuna · 04-22-21, 06:37 AM

Just got back from my mates funeral.

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

Jimbuna · 04-22-21, 06:40 AM

Because of this pandemic does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

Platapus · 04-22-21, 04:15 PM

I started a band that I call 999 Megabytes. We have not gotten a gig yet

Platapus · 04-22-21, 04:16 PM

Q: Why does a stadium get hot after the game?

A: Because all the fans leave

Texas Red · 04-22-21, 04:20 PM

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A horrible boating accident.

Jimbuna · 04-23-21, 07:18 AM

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but when I fart, the room smells lovely.

Jimbuna · 04-23-21, 10:02 AM

A drunk goes to court.

The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking"

The drunk says "Great. Let's get started"

Platapus · 04-23-21, 06:58 PM

I think that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention

Platapus · 04-23-21, 06:59 PM

A lot of people have been shocked to learn how bad I am as an electrician

Jimbuna · 04-24-21, 10:15 AM

A husband died and a few years later the wife died.
As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you!"
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

Jimbuna · 04-24-21, 10:18 AM

Wife: Look at that drunk guy.
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: Ten years back he proposed to me and I rejected him.
Husband: Oh my God, he's still celebrating.....

04-19-21, 04:48 PM	#2911
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Word of the day: Airgasam That feeling you get when you take off your mask and take that first deep breath of cool air __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-21-21, 07:24 AM	#2912
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just before Easter I remarked to my wife that, with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn't dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt. "That's all right, honey," she said. "We can just hide each other's vitamin pills." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-21-21, 06:17 PM	#2913
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I went to a beautiful wedding. It affected us all. Even the wedding cake was in tiers __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-21-21, 06:18 PM	#2914
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A rancher counted 196 head of cattle when they were out on the range, but when he rounded them up, he had 200 __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-22-21, 06:37 AM	#2915
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-22-21, 06:40 AM	#2916
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Because of this pandemic does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-22-21, 04:15 PM	#2917
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I started a band that I call 999 Megabytes. We have not gotten a gig yet __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-22-21, 04:16 PM	#2918
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Q: Why does a stadium get hot after the game? A: Because all the fans leave __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-22-21, 04:20 PM	#2919
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A horrible boating accident. __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

04-23-21, 07:18 AM	#2920
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk but when I fart, the room smells lovely. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-23-21, 10:02 AM	#2921
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A drunk goes to court. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking" The drunk says "Great. Let's get started" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-23-21, 06:58 PM	#2922
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I think that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-23-21, 06:59 PM	#2923
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A lot of people have been shocked to learn how bad I am as an electrician __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-24-21, 10:15 AM	#2924
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A husband died and a few years later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you!" The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, "Woah there woman. The contract was until death." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-24-21, 10:18 AM	#2925
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,334 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife: Look at that drunk guy. Husband: Who is he? Wife: Ten years back he proposed to me and I rejected him. Husband: Oh my God, he's still celebrating..... __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)