The joke thread II - Page 184

Jimbuna · 02-14-21, 02:02 PM

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.

Then it dawned on me.

Platapus · 02-15-21, 08:07 AM

Just had a really good date with a woman I met on-line.

She was witty and charming and really seemed to want to get to know me. It was refreshing to have someone interested in the little details of my life that make me, me.

Like my mother's maiden name
The name of my first pet
Where I went to elementary school

I think I may have found the one for me.

Jimbuna · 02-15-21, 08:46 AM

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Jimbuna · 02-15-21, 08:50 AM

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

Jimbuna · 02-16-21, 01:26 PM

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jimbuna · 02-16-21, 01:27 PM

My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.

I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.

Jeff-Groves · 02-16-21, 02:25 PM

An Eskimo man turned 18...
His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an Eskimo woman!"

"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle.
After a minute or two he finishes it. His father helps him up.

"Now for that polar bear." His father says as he leads him out the door.
They arrive at the polar bears cave. He stumbles in and after a few minutes his father hears the most violent screaming ever!

After a few more minutes he he stumbles out of the cave bruised and bloody and says to his dad,
"Now where's that woman I gotta kill?"

----------

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo
I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

Jimbuna · 02-17-21, 07:59 AM

I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm.

I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.

Jimbuna · 02-17-21, 08:00 AM

What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?

A roamin’ Catholic.

Eichhörnchen · 02-17-21, 08:32 AM

What do you call a champion boxer with wind?

"Gaseous Clay"

Platapus · 02-18-21, 07:02 AM

I received an advance copy of Trump's latest biography.

There might have been a printing error as every chapter is Chapter 11.

Jimbuna · 02-18-21, 07:56 AM

What washes up on very small beaches?

Micro-waves

Jimbuna · 02-18-21, 01:01 PM

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?

The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Catfish · 02-19-21, 04:59 AM

"Here we throw food into the bin, and in Africa lions have to starve, because the childen are so thin."

Yes, this was bad

Catfish · 02-19-21, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

What washes up on very small beaches?
Micro-waves

I thought this would be very small women, doing the wash up on very small beaches

02-14-21, 02:02 PM	#2746
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-15-21, 08:07 AM	#2747
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Just had a really good date with a woman I met on-line. She was witty and charming and really seemed to want to get to know me. It was refreshing to have someone interested in the little details of my life that make me, me. Like my mother's maiden name The name of my first pet Where I went to elementary school I think I may have found the one for me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-15-21, 08:46 AM	#2748
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-15-21, 08:50 AM	#2749
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-16-21, 01:26 PM	#2750
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-16-21, 01:27 PM	#2751
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife accused me the other day of being too immature. I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-16-21, 02:25 PM	#2752
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,320 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	An Eskimo man turned 18... His father said to him "To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an Eskimo woman!" "Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finishes it. His father helps him up. "Now for that polar bear." His father says as he leads him out the door. They arrive at the polar bears cave. He stumbles in and after a few minutes his father hears the most violent screaming ever! After a few more minutes he he stumbles out of the cave bruised and bloody and says to his dad, "Now where's that woman I gotta kill?" ---------- My eye Dr. is an Eskimo I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

02-17-21, 07:59 AM	#2753
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm. I’m the new C-I-E-I-O. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-17-21, 08:00 AM	#2754
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-17-21, 08:32 AM	#2755
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 15,755 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Here's another one I made up What do you call a champion boxer with wind? "Gaseous Clay" __________________

02-18-21, 07:02 AM	#2756
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I received an advance copy of Trump's latest biography. There might have been a printing error as every chapter is Chapter 11. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-18-21, 07:56 AM	#2757
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What washes up on very small beaches? Micro-waves __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-18-21, 01:01 PM	#2758
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-19-21, 04:59 AM	#2759
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	"Here we throw food into the bin, and in Africa lions have to starve, because the childen are so thin." Yes, this was bad __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.