The joke thread II - Page 110

Jimbuna · 03-21-20, 09:34 AM

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Jimbuna · 03-22-20, 09:32 AM

Why is Cupid is a symbol for love? Personally, I find the idea of an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby extremely horrifying.

Jimbuna · 03-22-20, 09:36 AM

Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.”

Jimbuna · 03-23-20, 01:12 PM

Disabled toilets.

Ironically, the only toilets that are big enough to run around in.

Jimbuna · 03-23-20, 01:16 PM

Apparently when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it’s offensive to send a message back saying “Better luck next time”!

Jimbuna · 03-24-20, 09:49 AM

Women colour their hair, get boob-jobs, plastic surgery, liposuction, wear heels to increase their height…

Then complain that there’s no real men out there.

Jimbuna · 03-24-20, 09:51 AM

After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night.
I called my dad for advice on how to fix things.
He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong.
I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body.

Jimbuna · 03-25-20, 02:11 PM

Fubar2Niner · 03-25-20, 02:13 PM

Camilla Parker Bowles is wondering if she will ever become queen

Jimbuna · 03-25-20, 02:15 PM

Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common?
A. One screw out of place and the whole thing falls apart.

Jimbuna · 03-26-20, 08:57 AM

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic.

Jimbuna · 03-26-20, 08:58 AM

Murphy: Paddy why are you talking to that envelope?
Paddy: I’m trying to send a voicemail.

Jimbuna · 03-27-20, 08:05 AM

Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
A. The letter F.

Jimbuna · 03-27-20, 08:07 AM

Just failed my job interview after the following question:

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: I normally do it verbally using words but on this occasion I’ve actually prepared a dance.

Jimbuna · 03-28-20, 12:49 PM

My wife recently told me that sex is a lot better on holiday… I was really upset when I got the postcard.

03-21-20, 09:34 AM	#1636
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-22-20, 09:32 AM	#1637
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why is Cupid is a symbol for love? Personally, I find the idea of an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby extremely horrifying. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-22-20, 09:36 AM	#1638
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-23-20, 01:12 PM	#1639
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets that are big enough to run around in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-23-20, 01:16 PM	#1640
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Apparently when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it’s offensive to send a message back saying “Better luck next time”! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-24-20, 09:49 AM	#1641
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Women colour their hair, get boob-jobs, plastic surgery, liposuction, wear heels to increase their height… Then complain that there’s no real men out there. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-24-20, 09:51 AM	#1642
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night. I called my dad for advice on how to fix things. He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong. I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-25-20, 02:11 PM	#1643
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-25-20, 02:13 PM	#1644
Fubar2Niner Silent Hunter Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: London. UK Posts: 4,139 Downloads: 275 Uploads: 0	Camilla Parker Bowles is wondering if she will ever become queen

03-25-20, 02:15 PM	#1645
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common? A. One screw out of place and the whole thing falls apart. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-26-20, 08:57 AM	#1646
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-26-20, 08:58 AM	#1647
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Murphy: Paddy why are you talking to that envelope? Paddy: I’m trying to send a voicemail. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-27-20, 08:05 AM	#1648
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician? A. The letter F. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-27-20, 08:07 AM	#1649
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just failed my job interview after the following question: Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: I normally do it verbally using words but on this occasion I’ve actually prepared a dance. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-28-20, 12:49 PM	#1650
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife recently told me that sex is a lot better on holiday… I was really upset when I got the postcard. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)