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Old 02-01-23, 03:33 PM   #271
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Old 02-02-23, 07:59 AM   #272
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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Old 02-03-23, 04:57 AM   #273
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Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
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Old 02-04-23, 06:59 AM   #274
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
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Old 02-05-23, 12:04 PM   #275
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
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Old 02-06-23, 11:46 AM   #276
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He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
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Old 02-07-23, 01:07 PM   #277
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When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
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Old 02-08-23, 09:27 AM   #278
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I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
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Old 02-08-23, 03:03 PM   #279
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^ "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
Groucho Marx
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Old 02-09-23, 10:23 AM   #280
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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Old 02-10-23, 06:15 AM   #281
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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
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Old 02-11-23, 02:59 PM   #282
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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Old 02-12-23, 12:13 PM   #283
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Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
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Old 02-13-23, 01:52 PM   #284
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Old 02-16-23, 10:21 AM   #285
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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