The joke thread II - Page 163

Jimbuna · 10-28-20, 06:41 AM

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

Platapus · 10-28-20, 08:31 AM

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet.

Platapus · 10-28-20, 08:34 AM

What do you call a Russian politician who is first to test their new Corona vaccine?

Alexei Navalni

Platapus · 10-28-20, 08:36 AM

What separates politicians and liars?

The word "and"

Platapus · 10-28-20, 08:39 AM

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician!

I was just sitting there doing nothing!

Jimbuna · 10-28-20, 01:35 PM

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens didn't exist yet.

Jimbuna · 10-28-20, 01:36 PM

Q: Why did the pig leave the costume party?
A: Because everyone thought he was a boar.

Platapus · 10-28-20, 01:51 PM

I went to an antique auction
People kept bidding for me.

Platapus · 10-28-20, 01:54 PM

The English Language is weird

It can be understood though tough, thorough thought though.

Jimbuna · 10-29-20, 04:27 AM

Q: What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
A: "It's pasture bedtime."

Jimbuna · 10-29-20, 04:27 AM

Q: Why does a cow wear a bell around its neck?
A: Because its horns don't work.

Jimbuna · 10-29-20, 12:34 PM

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Jimbuna · 10-30-20, 02:03 PM

A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"

Jimbuna · 10-30-20, 02:04 PM

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A: A thesaurus.

Jimbuna · 10-31-20, 04:33 AM

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

10-28-20, 06:41 AM	#2431
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail? A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-28-20, 08:31 AM	#2432
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-28-20, 08:34 AM	#2433
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What do you call a Russian politician who is first to test their new Corona vaccine? Alexei Navalni __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-28-20, 08:36 AM	#2434
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What separates politicians and liars? The word "and" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-28-20, 08:39 AM	#2435
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician! I was just sitting there doing nothing! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-28-20, 01:35 PM	#2436
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Chickens didn't exist yet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-28-20, 01:36 PM	#2437
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why did the pig leave the costume party? A: Because everyone thought he was a boar. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-28-20, 01:51 PM	#2438
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I went to an antique auction People kept bidding for me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-28-20, 01:54 PM	#2439
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,971 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The English Language is weird It can be understood though tough, thorough thought though. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-29-20, 04:27 AM	#2440
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? A: "It's pasture bedtime." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-29-20, 04:27 AM	#2441
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why does a cow wear a bell around its neck? A: Because its horns don't work. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-29-20, 12:34 PM	#2442
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-30-20, 02:03 PM	#2443
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-30-20, 02:04 PM	#2444
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A: A thesaurus. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-31-20, 04:33 AM	#2445
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)