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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 resource for all submarine & naval simulations since 1997
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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 resource for all submarine & naval simulations since 1997 |
05-15-21, 09:48 AM
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#3001 |
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Fleet Admiral
 Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 18,948
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 0
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My doctor asked me if alcoholics ran in my family.
I told her, "No, they usually just stumble and bump into things"
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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05-15-21, 09:56 AM
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#3002 |
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Chief of the Boat
 Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I had it.
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!!  GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-15-21, 10:36 AM
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#3003 |
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Village Idiot
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 5,319
Downloads: 130
Uploads: 0
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Helicopter nicknames
USAF: Birds USA: Choppers USN: Helos USMC: (pointing at the sky) OHH! OHH OHOH!
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I don't do Stupid. So don't ask. |
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05-16-21, 06:37 AM
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#3004 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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To the handicapped guy who stole my bag - You can hide but you can't run.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-16-21, 01:12 PM
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#3005 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and alzheimer's.
Patient: That's not so bad, I could have had cancer!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-16-21, 02:34 PM
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#3006 |
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Dipped Squirrel Operative
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky
Posts: 16,897
Downloads: 38
Uploads: 0
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"Darling, do you think i gained weight during the quarantine?"
"To be true, you never were slim." Time of death: 20:51 o'clock. Cause of death: Corona.
__________________
 >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
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05-17-21, 07:01 AM
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#3007 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-17-21, 12:39 PM
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#3008 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-18-21, 09:35 AM
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#3009 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Husband looks at his wife in surprise, "Wow darling, you look all different and nice today! Is that a new hairdo?" - The wife hisses from behind him, "I’m over here, Arnold!"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-18-21, 01:37 PM
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#3010 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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“Waiter, the steak smells very strongly of liquor!”
The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-19-21, 01:10 PM
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#3011 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?
Kids don’t eat spinach.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-20-21, 10:56 AM
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#3012 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-21-21, 06:50 AM
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#3013 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Recently I introduced two of my lisping friends to each other.
After a short but rough fist fight they realized that neither was mocking the other one.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-21-21, 12:10 PM
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#3014 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Two friends are talking:
My doctor told me I must stop playing football. What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly? Not really. But he did see me playing.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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05-22-21, 12:39 PM
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#3015 |
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 181,150
Downloads: 63
Uploads: 13
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Boy comes up to his father, all angry, "Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would impress the girls?"
Father looks up, smiling, "Yeah, did it work?" The boy screams, "You could have mentioned that the potato goes in the front!"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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