The joke thread II - Page 99

Jimbuna · 01-20-20, 07:23 AM

My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb.

Eisenwurst · 01-20-20, 10:31 PM

What did Obi Wan say when Luke was having trouble in the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

Jimbuna · 01-21-20, 07:13 AM

Recently found out I’m allergic to cats. That’s the last time I eat at a Chinese restaurant.

Jimbuna · 01-21-20, 07:15 AM

My granddad used to be in the army until he ate all the rations.
He was shot for desserting.

Eichhörnchen · 01-21-20, 02:40 PM

When a clown farts, does it smell funny?

Eisenwurst · 01-21-20, 04:53 PM

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Jimbuna · 01-22-20, 08:28 AM

For those worried about Alexa listening to your conversations Amazon are now releasing a male version called Alex who ignores everything you say.

Jimbuna · 01-22-20, 08:30 AM

“Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss.
“Just pop it in the corner,” he said.

After 3 hours of popping I’ve now been fired!

Platapus · 01-22-20, 04:33 PM

Some one stole the wheels off of a police car

The police are working tirelessly to find the culprit.

Reece · 01-23-20, 01:47 AM

Not really a joke but an old electricians saying:
Put the saddle on the stove Ma, we're riding the range tonight!

This was in reference to a saddle on the electrical cable hose.

Edit:
I hope I haven't put this up before!!

Catfish · 01-23-20, 02:52 AM

^

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reece

[...] Edit:
I hope I haven't put this up before!!

No problem here, i forget a lot

Jimbuna · 01-23-20, 08:01 AM

Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance. Well it’s her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I’m pleased to say I’ve already bought her her present. She’s going to love these flowers.

Jimbuna · 01-23-20, 08:03 AM

Went on a date last night which was a total disaster. The girl told he over the phone she was expecting a baby, so I went to the pub wearing nothing but a nappy, felt like a right idiot!

Eisenwurst · 01-24-20, 04:36 AM

Why did Mickey Mouse go into space ?

To find Pluto.

Reece · 01-24-20, 06:49 AM

Oh that is just so bad!!

01-20-20, 07:23 AM	#1471
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-20-20, 10:31 PM	#1472
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,633 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	What did Obi Wan say when Luke was having trouble in the Chinese restaurant? Use the fork, Luke. __________________

01-21-20, 07:13 AM	#1473
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Recently found out I’m allergic to cats. That’s the last time I eat at a Chinese restaurant. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-21-20, 07:15 AM	#1474
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My granddad used to be in the army until he ate all the rations. He was shot for desserting. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-21-20, 02:40 PM	#1475
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 15,767 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	When a clown farts, does it smell funny? __________________

01-21-20, 04:53 PM	#1476
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,633 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. __________________

01-22-20, 08:28 AM	#1477
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	For those worried about Alexa listening to your conversations Amazon are now releasing a male version called Alex who ignores everything you say. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-22-20, 08:30 AM	#1478
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	“Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss. “Just pop it in the corner,” he said. After 3 hours of popping I’ve now been fired! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-22-20, 04:33 PM	#1479
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,978 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Some one stole the wheels off of a police car The police are working tirelessly to find the culprit. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-23-20, 01:47 AM	#1480
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 32,804 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	Not really a joke but an old electricians saying: Put the saddle on the stove Ma, we're riding the range tonight! This was in reference to a saddle on the electrical cable hose. Edit: I hope I haven't put this up before!! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!* Last edited by Reece; 01-23-20 at 01:58 AM.

01-23-20, 08:01 AM	#1482
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance. Well it’s her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I’m pleased to say I’ve already bought her her present. She’s going to love these flowers. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-23-20, 08:03 AM	#1483
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went on a date last night which was a total disaster. The girl told he over the phone she was expecting a baby, so I went to the pub wearing nothing but a nappy, felt like a right idiot! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-24-20, 04:36 AM	#1484
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,633 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Why did Mickey Mouse go into space ? To find Pluto. __________________

01-24-20, 06:49 AM	#1485
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 32,804 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	Oh that is just so bad!! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*